shrooms
are terrifying.
drugs are DANGEROUS. like yea yea yea its fun i like tripping seeing colors watching shit get weird giggles being ridiculous climbing shit dancing singing staring the the sky, wondering at how fast everythings moving, the clouds the air you breathe in and feel connected to everything that exists, everything that breathes everything that weighs upon the earth's surface..but everyone else around, no one makes sense, everyone is going slow, and you keep having a almost-losing-balance sensation... feeling like you are balancing on the edge of the world as it spins on its axis, slightly unhinged.. feeling the universe bend in and out and you clench your fists and everything tightens in, the world around you ripples, the ground is molten with gold, melted gold mixed with amber colored bronze.... shining through the specks of the pavement, the sewers look like doors to caverns of treasures.. but no one makes sense, everyone is OFF.. because you cant figure out whats wrong, being on the verge of exploding, tearing clothing, noticing how your ass hurts from where you took it the night before, feeling degraded but hot... flustered antsy and you run and you run and you punch your friends smash the window jump out land too hard and your eyes are bleary from the wind and cold and your lungs sting and your throats sore and raw from the internal screaming you jaw is sore from the clenching and grinding of your own teeth that you couldnt stop before and being angry. wanting to commit a crime. wanting blood. break in to somewhere, steal anything, punch somebosys face raw because no one. no one. understands. what you.. cant... understand.
shrooms. can be great. are dangerous if your heads not in the right place.
i miss molly. i cant even think or begin to describe. but there were times when i just felt like. ... i didnt know where i was what i was doing here, wherever we were and ALL i wanted was to hug that girl. my girl friends here are ditzes, legit airheads, at times... and i can be spacey, goofy, ridiculous.. yes... but not thoughtless. not stupid.
i just miss having someone who is just.. there. at my level. riding the same waves.
thats why going out with the guys to explore the school without walls... going on a legit adventure, checking shit out, being One of the Guys/.... was just SO self assuring. i can hold my own. they depend on me. we are a crew.
ill never be one of them though. ill never be one, of anything. i dont like being associated with a group or a title or anything. i am my own entity, we all are. you live alone. you die alone. no matter who you fall in love with, no matter who you have the best sex with, no matter what. no matter what. you die ALONE. you only hve yourself, you only have your own head simply because that is ALL YOU KNOW to exist. its like fiona apple said. its all in your head, so is everything but he didnt get it.
i thought it was a bird but it was...
i cant wait for summer. i need warmth. note to self: shrooms are better when its somewhat sunny, not cold, not windy. or with more layers.
i miss bobby. i miss bobby, so much, i just want to kiss his soft back, brush my lips against his yellow silk head and stroke the hairs around his little eyes.
i am on top of the world.
drugs are DANGEROUS. like yea yea yea its fun i like tripping seeing colors watching shit get weird giggles being ridiculous climbing shit dancing singing staring the the sky, wondering at how fast everythings moving, the clouds the air you breathe in and feel connected to everything that exists, everything that breathes everything that weighs upon the earth's surface..but everyone else around, no one makes sense, everyone is going slow, and you keep having a almost-losing-balance sensation... feeling like you are balancing on the edge of the world as it spins on its axis, slightly unhinged.. feeling the universe bend in and out and you clench your fists and everything tightens in, the world around you ripples, the ground is molten with gold, melted gold mixed with amber colored bronze.... shining through the specks of the pavement, the sewers look like doors to caverns of treasures.. but no one makes sense, everyone is OFF.. because you cant figure out whats wrong, being on the verge of exploding, tearing clothing, noticing how your ass hurts from where you took it the night before, feeling degraded but hot... flustered antsy and you run and you run and you punch your friends smash the window jump out land too hard and your eyes are bleary from the wind and cold and your lungs sting and your throats sore and raw from the internal screaming you jaw is sore from the clenching and grinding of your own teeth that you couldnt stop before and being angry. wanting to commit a crime. wanting blood. break in to somewhere, steal anything, punch somebosys face raw because no one. no one. understands. what you.. cant... understand.
shrooms. can be great. are dangerous if your heads not in the right place.
i miss molly. i cant even think or begin to describe. but there were times when i just felt like. ... i didnt know where i was what i was doing here, wherever we were and ALL i wanted was to hug that girl. my girl friends here are ditzes, legit airheads, at times... and i can be spacey, goofy, ridiculous.. yes... but not thoughtless. not stupid.
i just miss having someone who is just.. there. at my level. riding the same waves.
thats why going out with the guys to explore the school without walls... going on a legit adventure, checking shit out, being One of the Guys/.... was just SO self assuring. i can hold my own. they depend on me. we are a crew.
ill never be one of them though. ill never be one, of anything. i dont like being associated with a group or a title or anything. i am my own entity, we all are. you live alone. you die alone. no matter who you fall in love with, no matter who you have the best sex with, no matter what. no matter what. you die ALONE. you only hve yourself, you only have your own head simply because that is ALL YOU KNOW to exist. its like fiona apple said. its all in your head, so is everything but he didnt get it.
i thought it was a bird but it was...
i cant wait for summer. i need warmth. note to self: shrooms are better when its somewhat sunny, not cold, not windy. or with more layers.
i miss bobby. i miss bobby, so much, i just want to kiss his soft back, brush my lips against his yellow silk head and stroke the hairs around his little eyes.
i am on top of the world.