Send me an angel... RIGHT NOW
Since I last posted I was an emotion wreck. Probably still am but that's ok it's my normal state usually. Been watching a lot of movies, reading books, and playing games. Spent plenty of time alone as of late due to Steve's little vacation.
My usual thoughts about things have been becoming expressed in words lately. Since Nikkie has this new thing with time and reality I've been able to find people to talk to it about not to mention found movies and articles which talk about such things. Feel content with how my brain has been working but now its time to master how I alter different things in reality because I've always been so down.
Lately women have pulling me down so much. I know my greatest peaks have been when I've been with just one woman but wow. It's been creating such anguish in my mind since it's been craving something we call a serious relationship. The existence of another human wanting and craving the attention and Love we so desire in life.
I've had two women which I go back and fourth with lately. I care for both of them dearly but something always comes up and creates drama or dilemmas. Funny how things work out with time and such. How we become so obsessed with Love when yeah if we believe emotions are just chemicals affecting our brain and we are in control of where we place ourself. Why do we continue to crave the person who has created pain when in reality we want it to be Love. Once we've tasted that poison of Love we seem to strive to get more even if in the process we start getting bombarded with sorrow.
Both are women from the past and just continue chasing. They are worth my time. I've been getting so aggravated with this whole belief that they are not worthy to accept things from me. For example I got this text last night and I don't think something has hurt me so bad,
"I really just want 2 be alone now for a long time. I'm just happier alone besides I come with 2 much baggage for any good man 2 have 2 deal with. I never gave u a chance and I never can because I've just never felt worthy I don't deserve u that's y I put up w this guy but I'll just really concentrate on me instead of trying 2 find happiness with another. Whatever"
Jesus Christ I think this is the 4th message I've received from a girl I actually wanted to be with. I'm fucking tired of the bullshit. It sounds like complete crap to me and only a nice way of saying... hey yeah I don't like you but your a good guy. FUCK THAT SHIT.
The other one is even better at that game than that one. She knows how to drop the right excuses and words when needed. Just so happen to disappear and vanish just when you think you could casually spend time with her or talk too. Knowing that she has others on the side but your having fun playing the game with her yet both of us know it probably could work but heaven forbid she settle down. Playing the game is to addicting once you start getting good at it. Well I'm tired of playing it and manipulating women. Can't I just find one that's real and tired of playing also.
Maybe I'll create a list of what I'm looking for and try to make my mind create the person. Manipulate and re-program the world as we see with deep thought and creativity. Who knows how deep the rabbit hole goes... Only the Ultimate Observer because they have seen how far one falls.
Now back to my new toy and obsession. Nintendo DS Lite.
Brain Age FTW!!!
Suduko <333
Found out my plans for my 21st B-Day week-end
Any recommendations from this line up?
http://www.lollapalooza.com
Father, Son, and Holy Spirit
Jay-eM
My usual thoughts about things have been becoming expressed in words lately. Since Nikkie has this new thing with time and reality I've been able to find people to talk to it about not to mention found movies and articles which talk about such things. Feel content with how my brain has been working but now its time to master how I alter different things in reality because I've always been so down.
Lately women have pulling me down so much. I know my greatest peaks have been when I've been with just one woman but wow. It's been creating such anguish in my mind since it's been craving something we call a serious relationship. The existence of another human wanting and craving the attention and Love we so desire in life.
I've had two women which I go back and fourth with lately. I care for both of them dearly but something always comes up and creates drama or dilemmas. Funny how things work out with time and such. How we become so obsessed with Love when yeah if we believe emotions are just chemicals affecting our brain and we are in control of where we place ourself. Why do we continue to crave the person who has created pain when in reality we want it to be Love. Once we've tasted that poison of Love we seem to strive to get more even if in the process we start getting bombarded with sorrow.
Both are women from the past and just continue chasing. They are worth my time. I've been getting so aggravated with this whole belief that they are not worthy to accept things from me. For example I got this text last night and I don't think something has hurt me so bad,
"I really just want 2 be alone now for a long time. I'm just happier alone besides I come with 2 much baggage for any good man 2 have 2 deal with. I never gave u a chance and I never can because I've just never felt worthy I don't deserve u that's y I put up w this guy but I'll just really concentrate on me instead of trying 2 find happiness with another. Whatever"
Jesus Christ I think this is the 4th message I've received from a girl I actually wanted to be with. I'm fucking tired of the bullshit. It sounds like complete crap to me and only a nice way of saying... hey yeah I don't like you but your a good guy. FUCK THAT SHIT.
The other one is even better at that game than that one. She knows how to drop the right excuses and words when needed. Just so happen to disappear and vanish just when you think you could casually spend time with her or talk too. Knowing that she has others on the side but your having fun playing the game with her yet both of us know it probably could work but heaven forbid she settle down. Playing the game is to addicting once you start getting good at it. Well I'm tired of playing it and manipulating women. Can't I just find one that's real and tired of playing also.
Maybe I'll create a list of what I'm looking for and try to make my mind create the person. Manipulate and re-program the world as we see with deep thought and creativity. Who knows how deep the rabbit hole goes... Only the Ultimate Observer because they have seen how far one falls.
Now back to my new toy and obsession. Nintendo DS Lite.
Brain Age FTW!!!
Suduko <333
Found out my plans for my 21st B-Day week-end
Any recommendations from this line up?
http://www.lollapalooza.com
Father, Son, and Holy Spirit
Jay-eM