Limbo
Wow, it's been forever and a day since I've been on here. My life has been not necessarily uneventful, but pretty boring. I am without a car so I'm currently shopping for one. As well, I'm moving to another place in the city where rent prices are insanely high and landlords don't seem to care.
I haven't been able to make it to church a lot and since that is a big staple of my social group, I feel like I'm a hermit. Sometimes that's good; I mean, I don't feel completely lost when I'm alone. However, I think I lose some of my social skills if I'm not around people for very long. Sometimes it feels like I go for days without speaking at all.
And of course not going to church does affect how prominent God is in my life. I mean, it doesn't mean I ignore him or forget about him. But in the end, I do feel God speaks to me when I go to church. It prompts me to be more vigilent about seeking Him. Plus, it does keep me accountable in my walk with him.
But lately, I haven't been in his Word too much. Sometimes I don't realize it without someone pointing out to me. I wasn't trying to necessarily avoid it, but moreso, it felt like I had read everything and nothing new was coming out at me. But I don't think that's a good thing either. And now it feels like I've forgotten everything I used to know. I get disappointed in myself and my brain for not remembering everything I had memorized in quizzing or through small groups and such. But I suppose that's the way God arranged it for me, since it makes me go back into his Word and focus on it again.
I think I'm anti-social though. I don't talk much with my sister, who I live with. I feel like I have to force everything with her. It's like talking with her is not natural. It's weird. Because I'm certain it wasn't like that a year ago. Just in general, I feel like it's my fault. I mean it's not like she doesn't try. I don't know. I think part of it is that I feel like we don't jive on the same wavelength anymore. If that makes any sense.
She's doing her own thing, which is totally good. I think sometimes I wish I could micromanage her life though. Like all good older siblings do. :P But seriously, it's hard seeing people make choices that I don't necessarily agree with. Especially those who are close to me.
They handle things differently, have a different perspective. I mean that's the way God made us right?
Blargh. I feel like I'm never going to get out of this rut I'm in. Unable to force myself to make decisions and changes that I need to make. I am just frustrated with who I am.
And people are moving away. Everyone I know seems to be moving away. It's natural, but still hard. The people I socialize with are going away (not that I see them much anyways) and I again, am left alone. I don't want to hang with my sister's friends because they are *her* friends and well, we just don't do the same things. Or live in the same daylight hours.
It's like sometimes I just silently yell at God, 'What is going on in my life?'
I feel disconnected at this moment. Disconnected to the people I hang out with and care about. And technically I am because my phone is not working at the moment as well. So it's not like I can phone anyone and talk it out.
Hmm...
Yeah this is where I am right now. I'm kind of in limbo right now...
I haven't been able to make it to church a lot and since that is a big staple of my social group, I feel like I'm a hermit. Sometimes that's good; I mean, I don't feel completely lost when I'm alone. However, I think I lose some of my social skills if I'm not around people for very long. Sometimes it feels like I go for days without speaking at all.
And of course not going to church does affect how prominent God is in my life. I mean, it doesn't mean I ignore him or forget about him. But in the end, I do feel God speaks to me when I go to church. It prompts me to be more vigilent about seeking Him. Plus, it does keep me accountable in my walk with him.
But lately, I haven't been in his Word too much. Sometimes I don't realize it without someone pointing out to me. I wasn't trying to necessarily avoid it, but moreso, it felt like I had read everything and nothing new was coming out at me. But I don't think that's a good thing either. And now it feels like I've forgotten everything I used to know. I get disappointed in myself and my brain for not remembering everything I had memorized in quizzing or through small groups and such. But I suppose that's the way God arranged it for me, since it makes me go back into his Word and focus on it again.
I think I'm anti-social though. I don't talk much with my sister, who I live with. I feel like I have to force everything with her. It's like talking with her is not natural. It's weird. Because I'm certain it wasn't like that a year ago. Just in general, I feel like it's my fault. I mean it's not like she doesn't try. I don't know. I think part of it is that I feel like we don't jive on the same wavelength anymore. If that makes any sense.
She's doing her own thing, which is totally good. I think sometimes I wish I could micromanage her life though. Like all good older siblings do. :P But seriously, it's hard seeing people make choices that I don't necessarily agree with. Especially those who are close to me.
They handle things differently, have a different perspective. I mean that's the way God made us right?
Blargh. I feel like I'm never going to get out of this rut I'm in. Unable to force myself to make decisions and changes that I need to make. I am just frustrated with who I am.
And people are moving away. Everyone I know seems to be moving away. It's natural, but still hard. The people I socialize with are going away (not that I see them much anyways) and I again, am left alone. I don't want to hang with my sister's friends because they are *her* friends and well, we just don't do the same things. Or live in the same daylight hours.
It's like sometimes I just silently yell at God, 'What is going on in my life?'
I feel disconnected at this moment. Disconnected to the people I hang out with and care about. And technically I am because my phone is not working at the moment as well. So it's not like I can phone anyone and talk it out.
Hmm...
Yeah this is where I am right now. I'm kind of in limbo right now...