(no subject)
I can't decide if I need attention or need to be secluded. Maybe I need both, at different times. Sometimes I want to be around people and be talkative and go do stuff, and other times, like tonight, I want to be alone. Actually, I think I just wanted to leave the house. I thought I was going to Frank's tonight, but that fell through, so I sat at home and watched tv. My mom got off the phone with my aunt and told me about how that side of the family is bickering and getting into fights now. I try to stay out of the house as much as possible because so much bitching goes on. During the week it's about work and school, and during the weekend it's yardwork and family and all that. I hate being around that. I need positive surroundings, which I'm starting to figure out is hard to come by. There are very few places I'm always happy. The only one I can think of at the moment is Lauren's house. Tonight I tried to get away by going and getting coffee and reading a book, but Moondance wasn't open, so I settled for Starbucks. It was a bunch of loud high school boys in there and yelled at me as I left. Like I said, not many places make me comfortable. It took a while to tune out all of the yelling, phones ringing, and music playing way too loud. I have also learned that a sudden rush of adrenalin calms me down also. On the way home from starbucks, I dropped 3 gears and floored it all the way down forest home. It was just an open dark road, and I'm not even sure why I did it, but I did and I loved it.