Ugh, so many mistakes
I have been in the weirdest mood lately and i don't know why. I feel like I'm not myself anymore. I feel like the way that I have been acting isn't me and my attitude sucks. So, for people that I have pissed off or gotten upset with me lately, I am TRULY sorry. I don't know what has been happening lately. I wish I knew. Maybe its the season, maybe its just that time of the semester where everything seems to be piling on, or maybe its me. I know that I have been at fault for many things that I have done and I wish that I could go back in time and redo the things that I hate that I have done and do them right. I wouldn't have gotten drunk that many times. That is not me. I do not drink alcohol as a rule and now that I have a single, I see myself drinking more and more, which is definely not me. I fear that I am now finally turning into somebody that my parents would be extremely upset with me.
Although I don't get along with my mom and I am getting along with my father so much better now, I don't want to disappoint them whatsoever. I am in college, for the major of the reason due to them and my nephew and very little for me. I am tired of going to school and I just want to get out. I don't want to go to class or deal with all the little bullshit that I have been dealing with or causing. I know that what I am doing, my parents are going to be extremely upset with me. For goodness sakes, I have made an enemy inside of me that is getting mad at me for stupid shit that I do.
Saturday I stayed in my room all day, refusing to be the little social butterfly that I am. I wanted to do homework and clean my room, which I did. I got a phone call later on that day by a friend and me and him ended up drinking. THen I was stupid enough to call people after having about four and a half drinks in me and that I am definely sorry about at 3:30 in the morning. It was stupid of me and I should not have done it. So to the people that got those phone calls, I really am sorry and I did not mean to desturb you or wake you up whatsoever. It was just my stupidity coming out in me. And trust me, all day yesterday I was beating myself up about it.
I feel like I have been portraying myself as a selfish little bitch and I am sorry. That's not me. But like I said early, I don't know whats getting into me. I just honestly feel like I am letting everybody down around me, including myself, and more importantly my two little nephews Jason and Kaleb. I know how I have been acting they would be upset with me. I just need to get out of whatever I am doing and how I am acting and start being the person I really want to be. The person who doesn't drink or make early morning phone calls. I don't want to be the person that is a selfish little bitch. I want to be the person that is responsible and fun and the person that people want to be around. I don't want to have this feeling of pushing people away from me because of my stupid mistakes.
Like I said earlier, if I could go back in time and redo everything that I have done that was stupid, I would. I would be a better person, I wouldn't act so stupid, and I would do things to make people happy. I hate having people mad at me. I have a big heart, I put so much trust in people, but some how I distroy any trust and likeness that people have in me. I guess I still have a lot of growing up to do. I guess I've allowed my mother to control my life way to long. I guess it is time I start taking responisblity for the things that I have done in my life.
So to anybody who I have hurt or betrayed, or whatever in the past, I am sorry. It may be too late, but at least it is better for it to be late than to never come. I am now going to try and start on a new me, who has no one upset with me and who will actually like me.
Love Always
~~Dana L.~~
Although I don't get along with my mom and I am getting along with my father so much better now, I don't want to disappoint them whatsoever. I am in college, for the major of the reason due to them and my nephew and very little for me. I am tired of going to school and I just want to get out. I don't want to go to class or deal with all the little bullshit that I have been dealing with or causing. I know that what I am doing, my parents are going to be extremely upset with me. For goodness sakes, I have made an enemy inside of me that is getting mad at me for stupid shit that I do.
Saturday I stayed in my room all day, refusing to be the little social butterfly that I am. I wanted to do homework and clean my room, which I did. I got a phone call later on that day by a friend and me and him ended up drinking. THen I was stupid enough to call people after having about four and a half drinks in me and that I am definely sorry about at 3:30 in the morning. It was stupid of me and I should not have done it. So to the people that got those phone calls, I really am sorry and I did not mean to desturb you or wake you up whatsoever. It was just my stupidity coming out in me. And trust me, all day yesterday I was beating myself up about it.
I feel like I have been portraying myself as a selfish little bitch and I am sorry. That's not me. But like I said early, I don't know whats getting into me. I just honestly feel like I am letting everybody down around me, including myself, and more importantly my two little nephews Jason and Kaleb. I know how I have been acting they would be upset with me. I just need to get out of whatever I am doing and how I am acting and start being the person I really want to be. The person who doesn't drink or make early morning phone calls. I don't want to be the person that is a selfish little bitch. I want to be the person that is responsible and fun and the person that people want to be around. I don't want to have this feeling of pushing people away from me because of my stupid mistakes.
Like I said earlier, if I could go back in time and redo everything that I have done that was stupid, I would. I would be a better person, I wouldn't act so stupid, and I would do things to make people happy. I hate having people mad at me. I have a big heart, I put so much trust in people, but some how I distroy any trust and likeness that people have in me. I guess I still have a lot of growing up to do. I guess I've allowed my mother to control my life way to long. I guess it is time I start taking responisblity for the things that I have done in my life.
So to anybody who I have hurt or betrayed, or whatever in the past, I am sorry. It may be too late, but at least it is better for it to be late than to never come. I am now going to try and start on a new me, who has no one upset with me and who will actually like me.
Love Always
~~Dana L.~~