Document.
This document is being typed in free form (for the sake of self-reflection and self-education in seeking further knowledge of inner and outer space and thought) by me, Jayson O’Connell, born October 23rd, 1986. My intentions here are to be as honest as possible with myself in search of what a self really is, and whether or not spiritual enlightenment is the “right” path, or if we all truly are just.. lost.
Protect yourself.
Toothpaste, toothbrush, mouthwash, glass of water.
Did anyone see that?
Good and evil - weakness nonsensical gibberish
1:14:46 AM: hah.
Did you ever get that tense feeling? That feeling in your neck or temples where you can’t really focus on what you want, because what you want isn’t what’s driving you anymore? Hanging sentence fragment question phrase answer et cetera et cetera. The point is you’re not in control anymore. The tenseness is a feeling of resistance - A natural resistance. When you naturally resist, you are at your strongest. Your ability to react and think reflexively, in the moment, creating, is your strongest and most valuable asset. Value this and the meaning of value will lose its meaning, meaning will lose meaning, and you will lose yourself as you simplify and become one with everything that is happening, and I start to sound more and more like a Completely InCredible SpaceJob.
Does anyone feel this like me?
We need to evolve.
This is the beginning of my masterpiece committed and entirely dedicated to
Our “potential”
If you look around for a long while, relax and separate yourself from everything you begin.. to…
Feel. Now realign and become one with all.
Not everyone does it.
Let me rephrase. No one does it. Is that true? Could be…
How well could you fit into everyone else’s story line?
‘I cannot believe how much I’m thinking right now.
“I don’t want to lose any of this”
Why are we so afraid to lose anything?’
What is a loss?
You can’t lose a mind when there is no such thing.
It is all a body, as a whole. Treat it as such, and several chains will break.
2:04:37 AM
are you there? this is so dangerous, the thing of which I speak*
True or false? This is the best forty-five dollars I’ve ever spent.
For so long, I had sat in a wonderfully clever stupor pondering the ingredients we lacked…
Where are we? What are we doing?
Looking outward, you will find only emptiness and a separation from all beings catalyzed by distance and space. Being a number of units of whatever away from anyone stops nothing of communication given the means.
I can’t believe it.
Are we all conscious of this?
Spewing thoughtfulless words over and over again at each other and our ability to listen remains stagnant. This will all mean nothing by the time my fingers come of the keyboard at the end of this sentence. You drift, as do I, as does everyone.
2:05:12 AM
*because it's of separation
and as it is spoken, so it is that we separate ourselves from it.
But we're such a sick species. All we do is tear each other down. We're all such good kids, man. I love everything. Anything is everything to everyone because that's all it is. The craziest shit just happened to me. Never think you have all the answers. An answer is something set in stone, something that grows old with you and can die, where all the right questions are universally applicable
you understand?
are you there?
I just went through so much shit
…and in so little time
was it so little time?
time is nothing
because what we do is everything
and time only exists on a scale of what we do with ourselves and for others, and if we take that consideration into our agendas..
we need to stray from self-righteousness.
Think more speak less.
But most important of all..
Listen.
Silence is such a more humble savior…
and it's weird, because as i regress further into this comfortable static belonging, I find myself not even. Period. and that's it. i get so stuck before I’m about to explain what i'm talking about because i feel such a premoniscent... aura, and a feeling of being at peace with everything beforehand, to the point where it needs no explanation. for example, "premoniscent" is not even a word. i love everyone. we need to stop having babies, and start teaching ourselves. we need to drop the reverse psychology, because this whole "awareness of ourselves in ourselves but still in reality so we need to work steady shifts and become a defenseless, human power cell for a greater system" thing really sucks. How old of a saying is quality over quantity? How many times must words like these of virtue be said before someone… listens? …
and yet it all works out the way it will. everything just.. wills.
2:46:54 AM
our will is such a fascinating thing
or are we just something created by another will
a will greater than our own?
who says
?
you know?
our will is stronger
every single person's will on this earth is as strong as anybody else's, and a group of people use the advantage of the knowledge and consideration of this fact as a weapon against the ignorant
and the mentally young, and weak
the power of equality used against the equal.
and it seems so evil
but is it nature?
is it our human nature, just acted out in this twisted, disappointing reality as it would have in the wild had we not focused so blindly on our representations of things
it's all so reciprocal
we put ourselves here
we lack the focus, we leave the spaces open, for the pieces to fit right in who knows?
and a greater power lives our lives for us
day by day
i can feel it now
even
we could simply be.
but we're so wrapped up in...
being.
or the glorified idea of being
i can feel it
and i am strong
there is no battle here
the battle is won on this ground
UGH
human
so human
is it a battle?
what is a battle but two sides
?
and what is a winner, but ONE side
and so i ask you
which is greater
one
or two
and so what will ensue until the other collapses in upon itself
?
it's all a battle
it's all a question
everything in this life
is a universal question and it is
what's better? one, or two?
we lead ourselves to these conclusions and conclusions are such narrow and foolish things because they are just what they define because we enable ourselves to fathom the representation of a "question" in our mind
picture what i had said earlier, about the right questions always being better than all the right answers
now put that into perspective
what is a question?
a question is a human representation of a thought process that ultimately has no end
whereas a sentence
...
always ends, do you understand?
a question never ends
ever.
it is the definition of EVER
the ability to think any of these thoughts escapes no one, yet it's controlled all day every day by the fact that it is merely an ability, a choice, not an iron will
the empty space between the deepest thought and what we perceive to be the realm of being is so controlled by everything around us because we let it
we're so powerful, we possess such power, to evolve
this is dangerous thinking
this is why this is illegal. Hah…
3:04:50 AM
this conversation will never end
4:54:53 AM: this giant web of words and thoughts spun and twisted and thrown everywhere
and in the end, all we have as humans is our wondrous ability to create.
it's what should be treasured
Protect yourself.
Toothpaste, toothbrush, mouthwash, glass of water.
Did anyone see that?
Good and evil - weakness nonsensical gibberish
1:14:46 AM: hah.
Did you ever get that tense feeling? That feeling in your neck or temples where you can’t really focus on what you want, because what you want isn’t what’s driving you anymore? Hanging sentence fragment question phrase answer et cetera et cetera. The point is you’re not in control anymore. The tenseness is a feeling of resistance - A natural resistance. When you naturally resist, you are at your strongest. Your ability to react and think reflexively, in the moment, creating, is your strongest and most valuable asset. Value this and the meaning of value will lose its meaning, meaning will lose meaning, and you will lose yourself as you simplify and become one with everything that is happening, and I start to sound more and more like a Completely InCredible SpaceJob.
Does anyone feel this like me?
We need to evolve.
This is the beginning of my masterpiece committed and entirely dedicated to
Our “potential”
If you look around for a long while, relax and separate yourself from everything you begin.. to…
Feel. Now realign and become one with all.
Not everyone does it.
Let me rephrase. No one does it. Is that true? Could be…
How well could you fit into everyone else’s story line?
‘I cannot believe how much I’m thinking right now.
“I don’t want to lose any of this”
Why are we so afraid to lose anything?’
What is a loss?
You can’t lose a mind when there is no such thing.
It is all a body, as a whole. Treat it as such, and several chains will break.
2:04:37 AM
are you there? this is so dangerous, the thing of which I speak*
True or false? This is the best forty-five dollars I’ve ever spent.
For so long, I had sat in a wonderfully clever stupor pondering the ingredients we lacked…
Where are we? What are we doing?
Looking outward, you will find only emptiness and a separation from all beings catalyzed by distance and space. Being a number of units of whatever away from anyone stops nothing of communication given the means.
I can’t believe it.
Are we all conscious of this?
Spewing thoughtfulless words over and over again at each other and our ability to listen remains stagnant. This will all mean nothing by the time my fingers come of the keyboard at the end of this sentence. You drift, as do I, as does everyone.
2:05:12 AM
*because it's of separation
and as it is spoken, so it is that we separate ourselves from it.
But we're such a sick species. All we do is tear each other down. We're all such good kids, man. I love everything. Anything is everything to everyone because that's all it is. The craziest shit just happened to me. Never think you have all the answers. An answer is something set in stone, something that grows old with you and can die, where all the right questions are universally applicable
you understand?
are you there?
I just went through so much shit
…and in so little time
was it so little time?
time is nothing
because what we do is everything
and time only exists on a scale of what we do with ourselves and for others, and if we take that consideration into our agendas..
we need to stray from self-righteousness.
Think more speak less.
But most important of all..
Listen.
Silence is such a more humble savior…
and it's weird, because as i regress further into this comfortable static belonging, I find myself not even. Period. and that's it. i get so stuck before I’m about to explain what i'm talking about because i feel such a premoniscent... aura, and a feeling of being at peace with everything beforehand, to the point where it needs no explanation. for example, "premoniscent" is not even a word. i love everyone. we need to stop having babies, and start teaching ourselves. we need to drop the reverse psychology, because this whole "awareness of ourselves in ourselves but still in reality so we need to work steady shifts and become a defenseless, human power cell for a greater system" thing really sucks. How old of a saying is quality over quantity? How many times must words like these of virtue be said before someone… listens? …
and yet it all works out the way it will. everything just.. wills.
2:46:54 AM
our will is such a fascinating thing
or are we just something created by another will
a will greater than our own?
who says
?
you know?
our will is stronger
every single person's will on this earth is as strong as anybody else's, and a group of people use the advantage of the knowledge and consideration of this fact as a weapon against the ignorant
and the mentally young, and weak
the power of equality used against the equal.
and it seems so evil
but is it nature?
is it our human nature, just acted out in this twisted, disappointing reality as it would have in the wild had we not focused so blindly on our representations of things
it's all so reciprocal
we put ourselves here
we lack the focus, we leave the spaces open, for the pieces to fit right in who knows?
and a greater power lives our lives for us
day by day
i can feel it now
even
we could simply be.
but we're so wrapped up in...
being.
or the glorified idea of being
i can feel it
and i am strong
there is no battle here
the battle is won on this ground
UGH
human
so human
is it a battle?
what is a battle but two sides
?
and what is a winner, but ONE side
and so i ask you
which is greater
one
or two
and so what will ensue until the other collapses in upon itself
?
it's all a battle
it's all a question
everything in this life
is a universal question and it is
what's better? one, or two?
we lead ourselves to these conclusions and conclusions are such narrow and foolish things because they are just what they define because we enable ourselves to fathom the representation of a "question" in our mind
picture what i had said earlier, about the right questions always being better than all the right answers
now put that into perspective
what is a question?
a question is a human representation of a thought process that ultimately has no end
whereas a sentence
...
always ends, do you understand?
a question never ends
ever.
it is the definition of EVER
the ability to think any of these thoughts escapes no one, yet it's controlled all day every day by the fact that it is merely an ability, a choice, not an iron will
the empty space between the deepest thought and what we perceive to be the realm of being is so controlled by everything around us because we let it
we're so powerful, we possess such power, to evolve
this is dangerous thinking
this is why this is illegal. Hah…
3:04:50 AM
this conversation will never end
4:54:53 AM: this giant web of words and thoughts spun and twisted and thrown everywhere
and in the end, all we have as humans is our wondrous ability to create.
it's what should be treasured