Collapse again?
I havent been updating much, and now that I look back at it, it isnt just because of the lack of excitment in ffxi as of late, but its the lack of happiness. I havent been happy running things recently, and well, things finally started to change on Sunday, for better or for worse, less than a week after we were to do our first wyrm with Bloodstone.
Some of my friends may be wondering what the new yellow pearl some of my friends and former friends (yep you read it right) have been wearing.
Obviously everything below is my point of view. And it has drama ofc. But its probably a boring read if you arent on my server and dont know who these individuals are.
I dont really know where to begin, so I guess Ill start with why. As everyone knows, linkshells grow and change. And at certain points problems arise. I think LastStands had hit that point a while back, and although I saw it, I had hoped it would go away.
People's attitudes had changed, and loot was becoming an issue. Obviously, lots of that was my fault, as someone who has influence in who gets what. But the problem was the culture of the LS. It was the many people who's attitudes had just gotten shitty.
Some saw this problem, some chose to ignore it. I felt it was my responsibility to fix things, and worked with my AFK Leader on this. I was to officially become acting leader, and make some underlying changes to create a better culture. I also felt that it was important to manage him, because he really did have a lot to improve on. While a great raid leader, he cannot deal with delicate situations, will not look at all sides of a situation, and is a terrible planner. I had hoped that I could train and manage him to. This didnt sit well with my counterpart, who thought that strict enforcement of rules was the solution necessary. Same guy who wanted to boot and said we didnt need some of the very people who he took with him. Interesting. Was he just saying that to me or something more calculating?
Anyway, so he dropped his sack while I was at work. And it was business as usual, more or less in Sky on Monday. In the end, I think loot was a larger thing than people made it out to be. Obviously, my loot distribution decisions were wrong, but I did what I thought was most fair. I thought through the feedback I received, but went with my gut, which didnt work out, and dissapointed some people. Understandably so. Fair from one point of view, unfair from another. Each opinion thinks they are what is right, but theres always another side, and each has motivation for their opinions.
I think this was the straw that broke the camel's back so to speak. But sadly, a consistent theme in people's problems was that one or two members in the LS was a factor as well. Understandably so as well, but it dissapoints me that one individual is constantly so able to get people riled up. What I told people was how can one person make you turn your back on all that we had? He isnt that bad. Just learn to ignore him. Or is that asking too much?
Well several people I had worked so hard to get all these stupid sky and other items, up and left me. I accept my role in driving them out, but I honestly expected more from several of them. The people that I turn to for guidance and opinions. Are they mad because I didnt listen to them? Or because I made a mistake? It cant be the acutal item.
On that, I remember Razel stating that no matter what you say, people will not return what is linkshell property. Even if you ask nicely, and explain the agreement. I never believed this until last night. 2 Osodes, 2 Nobles /sigh. While items can be replaced, and no one needs them to be uber, its my responsibility to ask for them back. I really didnt like the answers I got. I felt really mixed too. I mean, people did slave away, for them and in many respects did earn them. But is that more important than your word, and keeping your side of what was agreed?
In the end, no matter what your title is, be it "leader" or "officer", shit is your responsibility. And it weighs on me hard that I was directly responsible for the damage I caused. Its pathetic, that im so frickign hajin about this stupid virtual world, but I admit that I lost sleep over my actions, and the friends that I lost in the process. I can honestly say I will never forgive some of them, but some will also remain close to me.
I even tried to convince those who were left to move on and join the new LS, to keep the family intact, even at the cost of me and a few close to me not joining, but they woudnt have it. Willing to do anything to keep the group together, but the damage was done. Too little, too late.
So we move on, with heavy hearts. A fraction of what we once were. Again. Happening a few times must mean something is wrong with the system or the leaders.
Ideally I would like to do the remaining exit-interviews with all those who left, but the few I did with just hurt me too fricking much.
I dont know when I will return to the bright eyed little Taru who was simply thrilled to be there killing Olla Grande. But I hope to see him again soon.
Some of my friends may be wondering what the new yellow pearl some of my friends and former friends (yep you read it right) have been wearing.
Obviously everything below is my point of view. And it has drama ofc. But its probably a boring read if you arent on my server and dont know who these individuals are.
I dont really know where to begin, so I guess Ill start with why. As everyone knows, linkshells grow and change. And at certain points problems arise. I think LastStands had hit that point a while back, and although I saw it, I had hoped it would go away.
People's attitudes had changed, and loot was becoming an issue. Obviously, lots of that was my fault, as someone who has influence in who gets what. But the problem was the culture of the LS. It was the many people who's attitudes had just gotten shitty.
Some saw this problem, some chose to ignore it. I felt it was my responsibility to fix things, and worked with my AFK Leader on this. I was to officially become acting leader, and make some underlying changes to create a better culture. I also felt that it was important to manage him, because he really did have a lot to improve on. While a great raid leader, he cannot deal with delicate situations, will not look at all sides of a situation, and is a terrible planner. I had hoped that I could train and manage him to. This didnt sit well with my counterpart, who thought that strict enforcement of rules was the solution necessary. Same guy who wanted to boot and said we didnt need some of the very people who he took with him. Interesting. Was he just saying that to me or something more calculating?
Anyway, so he dropped his sack while I was at work. And it was business as usual, more or less in Sky on Monday. In the end, I think loot was a larger thing than people made it out to be. Obviously, my loot distribution decisions were wrong, but I did what I thought was most fair. I thought through the feedback I received, but went with my gut, which didnt work out, and dissapointed some people. Understandably so. Fair from one point of view, unfair from another. Each opinion thinks they are what is right, but theres always another side, and each has motivation for their opinions.
I think this was the straw that broke the camel's back so to speak. But sadly, a consistent theme in people's problems was that one or two members in the LS was a factor as well. Understandably so as well, but it dissapoints me that one individual is constantly so able to get people riled up. What I told people was how can one person make you turn your back on all that we had? He isnt that bad. Just learn to ignore him. Or is that asking too much?
Well several people I had worked so hard to get all these stupid sky and other items, up and left me. I accept my role in driving them out, but I honestly expected more from several of them. The people that I turn to for guidance and opinions. Are they mad because I didnt listen to them? Or because I made a mistake? It cant be the acutal item.
On that, I remember Razel stating that no matter what you say, people will not return what is linkshell property. Even if you ask nicely, and explain the agreement. I never believed this until last night. 2 Osodes, 2 Nobles /sigh. While items can be replaced, and no one needs them to be uber, its my responsibility to ask for them back. I really didnt like the answers I got. I felt really mixed too. I mean, people did slave away, for them and in many respects did earn them. But is that more important than your word, and keeping your side of what was agreed?
In the end, no matter what your title is, be it "leader" or "officer", shit is your responsibility. And it weighs on me hard that I was directly responsible for the damage I caused. Its pathetic, that im so frickign hajin about this stupid virtual world, but I admit that I lost sleep over my actions, and the friends that I lost in the process. I can honestly say I will never forgive some of them, but some will also remain close to me.
I even tried to convince those who were left to move on and join the new LS, to keep the family intact, even at the cost of me and a few close to me not joining, but they woudnt have it. Willing to do anything to keep the group together, but the damage was done. Too little, too late.
So we move on, with heavy hearts. A fraction of what we once were. Again. Happening a few times must mean something is wrong with the system or the leaders.
Ideally I would like to do the remaining exit-interviews with all those who left, but the few I did with just hurt me too fricking much.
I dont know when I will return to the bright eyed little Taru who was simply thrilled to be there killing Olla Grande. But I hope to see him again soon.