(no subject)
My life is so messed up right now and i am going thorugh so much. One minute i think i am gonna be ok and the next i am falling apart again. I mean i pretend that i am gonna be ok. But am i really? everything is happening so fast its like i am spinning in circles. things are starting to look up but i lost everything i had and now i m trying to find who i really am. For 4 years i was locked up and now that i am not i dont know how to be free anymore. its like everytime i go out i feel like i have to worry or watch what i do. Its hard to find mself when i dont even know where to start looking. everything is so different now i have lost my sercuity i no longer feel safe and i dont know what is going to happen next. part of it is exciting meeting new people and hanging out with a different crowd. but then i wonder if i am starting to move on is he too? this is what he wanted but part of me still thinks if i move on that would mean leaving him behind and part of it is scary but part of me feels like it is time. it really is time to figure out who i am. my emotions are going crazy. one minute i am happy one minute i am sad then the anger sets in and then theres the feeling of not knowing what to do. part of me thinks i am ok but am i really. is the person i am becoming really me or did i leave what i thought i knew behind? for the first time in my life i dont have answers. i am sure as hell haveing fun lately but then i find myself worrying will i ever be able to give my heart away again. i sure as hell found out that love isnt enough. and sometimes you have to let it go. i let my love go but part of me is scared to ever find it again! i am scared to let myself like someone else for the fear of getting hurt again for the fear of falling apart again and losing myself. will i ever be able to give my heart away my whole heart???