Hitchhikers Guide to Eureka: Part 1
Title: Where the di yu are we?
Author:
Jayneswoman
Rating: PG13
Fandom: Firefly and Eureka Crossover Fic
Word Count: 2154
Summary: Jayne and the rest of the Crew of Serenity somehow end up in Eureka
Warning: Full of Jayne goodness. Beware if you don’t enjoy non-canon pairings.
Disclaimer: Joss is Boss. I’m just borrowing his characters for fun (and the good folks of Eureka)
This is not beta-ed. Alll the mistakes are mine!
maantre and I have been brainstorming ideas about a Jayne cobb/ Jo Lupe crossover fic. Here'e the result: The first chapter to kick things off.
The organisational post can be found here.
x-posted to
jayneswoman ,
ff_fanfic and
eureka_fanfic.
*************************
Where the di yu are we?
Jayne groaned as he came back to consciousness. He noticed the silence. There was no familiar humming of Serenity’s engines.
He struggled to ease open his eyes. Where was he? He could feel rough blankets under him, and there was the squeak of bed springs as he moved. Now he knew he couldn’t be on Serenity.
He peered through half closed eyes and saw bars across one side of the room. His stomach sank as he realised he must be in prison. But he couldn’t remember what he had done to get there. Was there a bar fight? A pretty woman? A jealous lover? Last thing he could remember was bunking down for the night, still sober and ALONE. Where was the fun in that? Waking up in jail, but with no memory of the fun involved in getting there.
Jayne groaned as he tried to sit up. He heard the click of a two way radio.
“Sheriff. You’d better get down here. One of the pr…. them has woken up. Over.”
“On my way, Jo.”
Jayne heard the scrape and click of a shot gun being cocked. He groaned in pain at the sound. “Got no need ta point that at me. ‘Tween these bars an’ my head, ain’t no way I could hurt ya none.”
Squinting, he saw a woman holding a shot gun aimed right at him. It was a real piece of history, but a reliable firearm. He wondered where she has got a hold of a working MPS Auto Assault 12 shot gun. It must be over 500 years old by now.
Then his focus moved to the woman wielding it. She was in uniform, but no alliance colours and insignia that he recognised. Her face was beautiful with full lips, big brown eyes and he noticed some curves under those clothes. And she knew how to handle a gun. He wondered what else she could handle; smirking as he imagined what she would look like with her hair down, out of that uniform.
“What’s your name?” she asked.
“Jayne Cobb,” he answered with a grin, “Yours?”
“Deputy Lupo.”
“Well, Deputy Lupo, where ‘xactly am I?”
“Town called Eureka,” she answered, her eyes never leaving his form through the gun sight.
“Where’s that? Sihnon? Londinuim?”
“United States.”
The prisoner frowned as he tried to work out exactly what was going on. Jayne wasn’t a man used to thinking about anything much except eating, drinking, weapons and sex.
“Ain’t never heard of it. Eureka. Is that on the rim?”
“You’re speaking with an American accent and you’ve never heard of the United States?”
“Oh! History. I never was one fer book learnin’.”
“You don’t know about your own country?”
“Ain’t my country, an’ it ain’t my planet.”
“What?”
Sheriff Jack Carter walked in to see his deputy with a shot gun aimed at one of the prisoners.
“Jo, is that really necessary?”
“Was just questioning him. Wanted to give him an extra incentive to answer truthfully, but I don’t think it worked.”
“What have you found out?”
“Name’s Jayne Cobb.”
Sheriff Carter smirked at the name, but pulled a straight face as soon as he saw the dirty look the prisoner was giving him.
“Says he’s never heard of the United States even though he obviously has an Southern accent,” Jo continued.
The Sheriff turned to the prisoner. “Have you been spinning my Deputy a pack of lies?”
“No!” the prisoner scowled, “Just wanna know where the di yu am I?”
“Town called Eureka….” Jack started.
“That’s what ya Deputy done tole me. What I wanna know is what planet? Rim or Core?”
“What planet?!! Earth!” Jack answered incredulously.
“Ta ma de! You tellin’ me I’m on Earth-that-was? It’s impossible. It was destroyed over 500 years ago. I ain’t no backbirth. Everyone knows that.”
“So you’re not from Earth?”
“No Sir. I’m from Kerry, an’ we was travellin’ from Persephone to Boros. On Serenity. S’pose you have our boat stowed somewhere safe?”
“Boat. You were travelling on water? A lake or river, because we’re nowhere near the sea.”
“No, ya sha gua! On a boat - Serenity, a firefly transport. Travellin’ in the Black.”
“The black?”
“Among the stars.”
“Oh, space! So you’re telling me that you and your friends were travelling in space, on a spaceship?”
“I take it ya ain’t seen it, then?”
“No. You turned up in a barn on the outskirts of town. All unconscious. Some of you with weapons. No spaceship.”
“How did we get here?”
“I have no idea. But I think I know some people who can figure it out.”
He turned to Deputy Lupo. “Jo, phone Stark and tell them our….. that they have woken up.”
Jayne frowned as he thought about what must have happened. “What year is it?”
“2006.”
“Hou-tze qiang bao hou zi de sha gua! That’s over 500 years in the past. Well, that explains the antique firearms.”
“What year do you think it is?”
“2518.”
Sheriff Carter looked at him, his mouth open in shock.
A groan came from another bunk in the cells. “Jayne, where the di yu are we?”
“That’s what I’m just tryin’ ta figure out.”
*************************
Jayne was getting stir-crazy. Being locked up in a lab was just like being in jail. A body like him needed room to move, always hated being confined, being told what to do.
“Deputy.”
Jo looked up from her latest copy of Modern Mercenary.
“Ya seem at know an awful lot ‘bout guns,” Jayne continued.
“Well, I am an officer of the law.”
Jayne grinned. “Guess that makes sense. But ya seem ta enjoy it.”
Jo put down the magazine and picked up the shot gun lying in her lap. She placed it on her desk and breathed deeply, centering herself. Reaching over she started the timer and expertly stripped and then reassembled the gun. Stopping the clock, she smiled in satisfaction at her time.
“What’s that, a MPS Auto Assault 12 shotgun?”
“We use the latest equipment here in Eureka,” she answered coldly, neither affirming nor denying the make of weapon.
“Latest! That’s ‘round 500 years old ta me!” Jayne scoffed.
“So what firearms are you used to using?” Jo challenged him.
“I like keeping ma options open. I carry knives, hand guns, but ma very favourite is ma Callahan full-bore autolock,” he boasted, “It has a double-cartridge thorough gauge, an’ I customized the trigger. I call her Vera.”
Jo smirked, “Named after an old girlfriend?”
“Yeah,” Jayne frowned, “Ya gotta problem with that?”
“Don’t think the law enforcement community would look too kindly on me naming my guns. It’s not very professional.”
“Well, guns is ma profession.” Jayne pulled himself up and flexed his muscles. “I’m the gun hand on Serenity.”
Jo ran her eyes over Jayne’s considerable size, cooling assessing him. “Reckon you could be intimidating, all ammo-ed up, guns blazing.”
“Real intimidatin’,” Jayne grinned.
Things went real quiet. Jayne got to thinking, which was never his strong point.
“You seein’ anyone, Deputy Lupo?”
There was a stony silence from across the room.
“How d’ya like ta try a man from the future?”
“You’re pushing your luck. Who says I wanted anything like that?”
“The way ya looked at me….”
“Well, no one can say you don’t have an ego. That’s a ONE.” She said, holding up a finger to emphasize her point.
“A what?”
“You think an awful lot of yourself. Thanks but no thanks. I have enough trouble with men without dating a ‘man from the future’.”
“Don’t hafta be no datin’.”
“What do you mean?”
Jayne let his eyes linger over her curves “Just sexin’. No strings attached.”
Jo narrowed her eyes as she held up two fingers. “That’s a TWO. Are all men from the future so direct?”
“Is it workin’?”
“No.”
“Aw….”
“Jayne,” Mal growled, “Lady said no. Let her alone. She ain’t no biao zi.”
He turned to Jo, saying, “Jayne’s one you hafta keep on a short lease.”
“Oh, I can see he’s that alright, but I can take care of myself.”
Jayne grinned as he thought about how he’d like ta take care of her…..
*************************
“She’s speaking fluent Mandarin, interspersed with American English,” whispered Dr Chen.
Nathan Stark cleared his throat as he formed the next question in his mind.
“Ms Serra, can you explain how you’re speaking fluent Mandarin?”
“Everyone speaks a mixture of Mandarin and English where I’m from.”
“Everyone?”
“Everyone speaks Mandarin, and English too,” she repeated.
“So what happened to the United States?”
“I don’t know about this country, but the whole Earth was destroyed in a planet wide war. It became uninhabitable. All humanity left on huge ships, and a process was invented to recreate Earth’s atmosphere on other planets, called Terraforming. So a new galaxy was chosen and slowly populated over several decades. The first planets were called the Core, and later, smaller planets were called the Rim. Where we are now does not exist 500 years from now. We call it Earth-that-was.”
*************************
“Dr Tam, you trained as a physician?”
“A surgeon.”
“And you worked as a doctor on your spaceship?”
“Yes.”
“And your sister is travelling with you?”
“Yes.”
“We see from our scans that your sister had major intrusive brain surgery.”
“Yes.”
“Why? Was it treatment for a psychiatric condition? Like a lobotomy?”
“No. It was a secret experiment performed on my sister by the Alliance.”
“Done against you and your family’s wishes?”
“Yes.”
“And she is now schizophrenic.”
“Not exactly.”
“What exactly?”
“She is mentally unstable, but she is also a reader…”
“A reader?”
“She can read people’s thoughts, and I believe she can predict what will happen in the near future.”
*************************
River was watching and listening and reading the thoughts all around her.
“They are afraid of us,” she told Kaylee.
“I’m sure they’re not, River. They are just tryin’ to find out what happened, so they can help us get back ta Serenity.”
“Afraid of me, and my cut up brain…. ”
“Well, you can show ‘em how useful you are,” Kaylee tried to comfort River, “A real essential part of our crew.”
“Afraid of what we know and what we can do.”
“That’s just cause we know things that ain’t been discovered here yet.”
River tipped her head to one side as she listened carefully. “Not afraid, curious.”
*************************
“River, can you tell me what I’m thinking?”
“Wondering about scientific advancements between here and there. Ask Simon.”
“Simon?”
“Dr Tam, my brother.”
“Do you know how you got here?”
“Fell down the rabbit hole.”
“Through some kind of quantum irregularity?”
“Worm hole, that’s what you call it.”
“A portal through time?”
“But closed up now. No way back. Have to find a way to get back home. No place like home.”
*************************
“So you’re the Captain?”
“Captain Reynolds. Though how I can be a captain without a boat?....”
“That’s the Serenity?”
“That’s right. You got it stowed away somewhere safe?”
“You were found in a barn on the edge of town. No visible means of transport was found in the vicinity.”
“Do ya know how we got here, and how we can get back? No offence, but we don’t mean to stay stuck here in our past.”
“We’re finding out how you came to be here, and working on how to get you back. Meanwhile, can you tell us about the world you live in.”
“Don’t live in no world just, just the ‘verse.”
“Universe?”
“Uh huh. Full of planets: Some fancy ones in the core and less ‘civilised’ ones on the rim. Ruled over by the Alliance, that me and Zoe fought in a War of Independence against.”
“What is this ‘Alliance’ made up of?”
“On Earth-that-was, it was an Alliance of English and Mandarin speaking countries. Guess the government stuck when we moved out into the black.”
“So, it’s an alliance of the United States and China, but it’s turned into a kind of dictatorship. Or at least one that makes arbitrary decisions that not all the citizens agree with.”
“You got that about right. And they messed around with River’s head. Cut up her brain and mixed her up till she can’t think straight.”
“Would you and your crew mind if we did some simple tests on you, to learn what we can from your time?”
“Reckon it would be ok. But you’d better ask each one. River won’t like it. Has a real morbid fear of labs and docs and experiments, understandably.”
“We’ll try and return you to your time and place as soon as possible. And don’t fear. You are in a top secret location where scientific and military information is kept from the outside world. Whatever we learn will never reach the hands of the general public.”
“Huh!” was all Mal could think to say, his mind going over all the ways this ‘Eureka’ place sounded an awful lot like the Alliance…
*************************
To be continued…
Author:
Jayneswoman
Rating: PG13
Fandom: Firefly and Eureka Crossover Fic
Word Count: 2154
Summary: Jayne and the rest of the Crew of Serenity somehow end up in Eureka
Warning: Full of Jayne goodness. Beware if you don’t enjoy non-canon pairings.
Disclaimer: Joss is Boss. I’m just borrowing his characters for fun (and the good folks of Eureka)
This is not beta-ed. Alll the mistakes are mine!
maantre and I have been brainstorming ideas about a Jayne cobb/ Jo Lupe crossover fic. Here'e the result: The first chapter to kick things off.
The organisational post can be found here.
x-posted to
jayneswoman ,
ff_fanfic and
eureka_fanfic.
*************************
Where the di yu are we?
Jayne groaned as he came back to consciousness. He noticed the silence. There was no familiar humming of Serenity’s engines.
He struggled to ease open his eyes. Where was he? He could feel rough blankets under him, and there was the squeak of bed springs as he moved. Now he knew he couldn’t be on Serenity.
He peered through half closed eyes and saw bars across one side of the room. His stomach sank as he realised he must be in prison. But he couldn’t remember what he had done to get there. Was there a bar fight? A pretty woman? A jealous lover? Last thing he could remember was bunking down for the night, still sober and ALONE. Where was the fun in that? Waking up in jail, but with no memory of the fun involved in getting there.
Jayne groaned as he tried to sit up. He heard the click of a two way radio.
“Sheriff. You’d better get down here. One of the pr…. them has woken up. Over.”
“On my way, Jo.”
Jayne heard the scrape and click of a shot gun being cocked. He groaned in pain at the sound. “Got no need ta point that at me. ‘Tween these bars an’ my head, ain’t no way I could hurt ya none.”
Squinting, he saw a woman holding a shot gun aimed right at him. It was a real piece of history, but a reliable firearm. He wondered where she has got a hold of a working MPS Auto Assault 12 shot gun. It must be over 500 years old by now.
Then his focus moved to the woman wielding it. She was in uniform, but no alliance colours and insignia that he recognised. Her face was beautiful with full lips, big brown eyes and he noticed some curves under those clothes. And she knew how to handle a gun. He wondered what else she could handle; smirking as he imagined what she would look like with her hair down, out of that uniform.
“What’s your name?” she asked.
“Jayne Cobb,” he answered with a grin, “Yours?”
“Deputy Lupo.”
“Well, Deputy Lupo, where ‘xactly am I?”
“Town called Eureka,” she answered, her eyes never leaving his form through the gun sight.
“Where’s that? Sihnon? Londinuim?”
“United States.”
The prisoner frowned as he tried to work out exactly what was going on. Jayne wasn’t a man used to thinking about anything much except eating, drinking, weapons and sex.
“Ain’t never heard of it. Eureka. Is that on the rim?”
“You’re speaking with an American accent and you’ve never heard of the United States?”
“Oh! History. I never was one fer book learnin’.”
“You don’t know about your own country?”
“Ain’t my country, an’ it ain’t my planet.”
“What?”
Sheriff Jack Carter walked in to see his deputy with a shot gun aimed at one of the prisoners.
“Jo, is that really necessary?”
“Was just questioning him. Wanted to give him an extra incentive to answer truthfully, but I don’t think it worked.”
“What have you found out?”
“Name’s Jayne Cobb.”
Sheriff Carter smirked at the name, but pulled a straight face as soon as he saw the dirty look the prisoner was giving him.
“Says he’s never heard of the United States even though he obviously has an Southern accent,” Jo continued.
The Sheriff turned to the prisoner. “Have you been spinning my Deputy a pack of lies?”
“No!” the prisoner scowled, “Just wanna know where the di yu am I?”
“Town called Eureka….” Jack started.
“That’s what ya Deputy done tole me. What I wanna know is what planet? Rim or Core?”
“What planet?!! Earth!” Jack answered incredulously.
“Ta ma de! You tellin’ me I’m on Earth-that-was? It’s impossible. It was destroyed over 500 years ago. I ain’t no backbirth. Everyone knows that.”
“So you’re not from Earth?”
“No Sir. I’m from Kerry, an’ we was travellin’ from Persephone to Boros. On Serenity. S’pose you have our boat stowed somewhere safe?”
“Boat. You were travelling on water? A lake or river, because we’re nowhere near the sea.”
“No, ya sha gua! On a boat - Serenity, a firefly transport. Travellin’ in the Black.”
“The black?”
“Among the stars.”
“Oh, space! So you’re telling me that you and your friends were travelling in space, on a spaceship?”
“I take it ya ain’t seen it, then?”
“No. You turned up in a barn on the outskirts of town. All unconscious. Some of you with weapons. No spaceship.”
“How did we get here?”
“I have no idea. But I think I know some people who can figure it out.”
He turned to Deputy Lupo. “Jo, phone Stark and tell them our….. that they have woken up.”
Jayne frowned as he thought about what must have happened. “What year is it?”
“2006.”
“Hou-tze qiang bao hou zi de sha gua! That’s over 500 years in the past. Well, that explains the antique firearms.”
“What year do you think it is?”
“2518.”
Sheriff Carter looked at him, his mouth open in shock.
A groan came from another bunk in the cells. “Jayne, where the di yu are we?”
“That’s what I’m just tryin’ ta figure out.”
*************************
Jayne was getting stir-crazy. Being locked up in a lab was just like being in jail. A body like him needed room to move, always hated being confined, being told what to do.
“Deputy.”
Jo looked up from her latest copy of Modern Mercenary.
“Ya seem at know an awful lot ‘bout guns,” Jayne continued.
“Well, I am an officer of the law.”
Jayne grinned. “Guess that makes sense. But ya seem ta enjoy it.”
Jo put down the magazine and picked up the shot gun lying in her lap. She placed it on her desk and breathed deeply, centering herself. Reaching over she started the timer and expertly stripped and then reassembled the gun. Stopping the clock, she smiled in satisfaction at her time.
“What’s that, a MPS Auto Assault 12 shotgun?”
“We use the latest equipment here in Eureka,” she answered coldly, neither affirming nor denying the make of weapon.
“Latest! That’s ‘round 500 years old ta me!” Jayne scoffed.
“So what firearms are you used to using?” Jo challenged him.
“I like keeping ma options open. I carry knives, hand guns, but ma very favourite is ma Callahan full-bore autolock,” he boasted, “It has a double-cartridge thorough gauge, an’ I customized the trigger. I call her Vera.”
Jo smirked, “Named after an old girlfriend?”
“Yeah,” Jayne frowned, “Ya gotta problem with that?”
“Don’t think the law enforcement community would look too kindly on me naming my guns. It’s not very professional.”
“Well, guns is ma profession.” Jayne pulled himself up and flexed his muscles. “I’m the gun hand on Serenity.”
Jo ran her eyes over Jayne’s considerable size, cooling assessing him. “Reckon you could be intimidating, all ammo-ed up, guns blazing.”
“Real intimidatin’,” Jayne grinned.
Things went real quiet. Jayne got to thinking, which was never his strong point.
“You seein’ anyone, Deputy Lupo?”
There was a stony silence from across the room.
“How d’ya like ta try a man from the future?”
“You’re pushing your luck. Who says I wanted anything like that?”
“The way ya looked at me….”
“Well, no one can say you don’t have an ego. That’s a ONE.” She said, holding up a finger to emphasize her point.
“A what?”
“You think an awful lot of yourself. Thanks but no thanks. I have enough trouble with men without dating a ‘man from the future’.”
“Don’t hafta be no datin’.”
“What do you mean?”
Jayne let his eyes linger over her curves “Just sexin’. No strings attached.”
Jo narrowed her eyes as she held up two fingers. “That’s a TWO. Are all men from the future so direct?”
“Is it workin’?”
“No.”
“Aw….”
“Jayne,” Mal growled, “Lady said no. Let her alone. She ain’t no biao zi.”
He turned to Jo, saying, “Jayne’s one you hafta keep on a short lease.”
“Oh, I can see he’s that alright, but I can take care of myself.”
Jayne grinned as he thought about how he’d like ta take care of her…..
*************************
“She’s speaking fluent Mandarin, interspersed with American English,” whispered Dr Chen.
Nathan Stark cleared his throat as he formed the next question in his mind.
“Ms Serra, can you explain how you’re speaking fluent Mandarin?”
“Everyone speaks a mixture of Mandarin and English where I’m from.”
“Everyone?”
“Everyone speaks Mandarin, and English too,” she repeated.
“So what happened to the United States?”
“I don’t know about this country, but the whole Earth was destroyed in a planet wide war. It became uninhabitable. All humanity left on huge ships, and a process was invented to recreate Earth’s atmosphere on other planets, called Terraforming. So a new galaxy was chosen and slowly populated over several decades. The first planets were called the Core, and later, smaller planets were called the Rim. Where we are now does not exist 500 years from now. We call it Earth-that-was.”
*************************
“Dr Tam, you trained as a physician?”
“A surgeon.”
“And you worked as a doctor on your spaceship?”
“Yes.”
“And your sister is travelling with you?”
“Yes.”
“We see from our scans that your sister had major intrusive brain surgery.”
“Yes.”
“Why? Was it treatment for a psychiatric condition? Like a lobotomy?”
“No. It was a secret experiment performed on my sister by the Alliance.”
“Done against you and your family’s wishes?”
“Yes.”
“And she is now schizophrenic.”
“Not exactly.”
“What exactly?”
“She is mentally unstable, but she is also a reader…”
“A reader?”
“She can read people’s thoughts, and I believe she can predict what will happen in the near future.”
*************************
River was watching and listening and reading the thoughts all around her.
“They are afraid of us,” she told Kaylee.
“I’m sure they’re not, River. They are just tryin’ to find out what happened, so they can help us get back ta Serenity.”
“Afraid of me, and my cut up brain…. ”
“Well, you can show ‘em how useful you are,” Kaylee tried to comfort River, “A real essential part of our crew.”
“Afraid of what we know and what we can do.”
“That’s just cause we know things that ain’t been discovered here yet.”
River tipped her head to one side as she listened carefully. “Not afraid, curious.”
*************************
“River, can you tell me what I’m thinking?”
“Wondering about scientific advancements between here and there. Ask Simon.”
“Simon?”
“Dr Tam, my brother.”
“Do you know how you got here?”
“Fell down the rabbit hole.”
“Through some kind of quantum irregularity?”
“Worm hole, that’s what you call it.”
“A portal through time?”
“But closed up now. No way back. Have to find a way to get back home. No place like home.”
*************************
“So you’re the Captain?”
“Captain Reynolds. Though how I can be a captain without a boat?....”
“That’s the Serenity?”
“That’s right. You got it stowed away somewhere safe?”
“You were found in a barn on the edge of town. No visible means of transport was found in the vicinity.”
“Do ya know how we got here, and how we can get back? No offence, but we don’t mean to stay stuck here in our past.”
“We’re finding out how you came to be here, and working on how to get you back. Meanwhile, can you tell us about the world you live in.”
“Don’t live in no world just, just the ‘verse.”
“Universe?”
“Uh huh. Full of planets: Some fancy ones in the core and less ‘civilised’ ones on the rim. Ruled over by the Alliance, that me and Zoe fought in a War of Independence against.”
“What is this ‘Alliance’ made up of?”
“On Earth-that-was, it was an Alliance of English and Mandarin speaking countries. Guess the government stuck when we moved out into the black.”
“So, it’s an alliance of the United States and China, but it’s turned into a kind of dictatorship. Or at least one that makes arbitrary decisions that not all the citizens agree with.”
“You got that about right. And they messed around with River’s head. Cut up her brain and mixed her up till she can’t think straight.”
“Would you and your crew mind if we did some simple tests on you, to learn what we can from your time?”
“Reckon it would be ok. But you’d better ask each one. River won’t like it. Has a real morbid fear of labs and docs and experiments, understandably.”
“We’ll try and return you to your time and place as soon as possible. And don’t fear. You are in a top secret location where scientific and military information is kept from the outside world. Whatever we learn will never reach the hands of the general public.”
“Huh!” was all Mal could think to say, his mind going over all the ways this ‘Eureka’ place sounded an awful lot like the Alliance…
*************************
To be continued…