I Look At My Life And All I See Is Nothing
Right now I really have myself. I wish I was dead, I was I was never born, I wish I could just fade away in to the scenery. I am nothing. I will amount to nothing. I will never be anything but a complete and total fuck up. Alone, hated, pathetic.
I am not going to live to be 40. Trust me. The way things are going, I won't make it to 30 even. This life...it's like dying inside. Slowly, painfully. Every part of me wants to just rip away from the other parts and burn because I am just so stupid and so fucking useless.
Kristen was right, though I hate to admit it. I'm just a fat piece of shit that no one likes, and fine, whatever. I am what I am. I can't change it. I just remain that way. And frankly, I don't blame people for not liking me. I don't like me. Hell, I hate me. If I could just wish myself out of existence I would. I would drift away, slip away from the world, and be forgotten. It would be like 1984. All records of me existing would be gone. I would merely stop being. Oh, what a blessing to the world that would be. Not to have someone as stupid and pointless as me around.
I wish I was just dead. I wish I wasn't so stupid and ugly and fat and hateful and spiteful, and untrusting to the rest of the world. I wish I had the courage to just exist like a normal fucking human being rather than being afraid of my life. I wish I was just vapor and I couldn't be seen.
I don't want to got to school. I don't want to go to therapy. I just want to fade away.
I wish I was something else. Someone else. Someone that is worthy of taking up space on this world, not a waste like I am.
But what's the point in complaining. No one cares anyway. Not my family, no one. I am the one they pretend to care about, pretend to pity, just to get them to shut up. I'm the one they ignore when they can, and deep down in the pit of their soul, they wish they would just whiter up and die.
If I could choose to just not be anymore, I would. This world is not worth it. This place is not worth it. I am not worth it! God! I fucking hate this! I wish I was happy for one fucking moment of my life! That I was someone! That I was worth something!
But what's the point in wishing. You only get disappointed anyway.
"Show me how defenseless you really are"- So Cold, Breaking Benjamin
I am not going to live to be 40. Trust me. The way things are going, I won't make it to 30 even. This life...it's like dying inside. Slowly, painfully. Every part of me wants to just rip away from the other parts and burn because I am just so stupid and so fucking useless.
Kristen was right, though I hate to admit it. I'm just a fat piece of shit that no one likes, and fine, whatever. I am what I am. I can't change it. I just remain that way. And frankly, I don't blame people for not liking me. I don't like me. Hell, I hate me. If I could just wish myself out of existence I would. I would drift away, slip away from the world, and be forgotten. It would be like 1984. All records of me existing would be gone. I would merely stop being. Oh, what a blessing to the world that would be. Not to have someone as stupid and pointless as me around.
I wish I was just dead. I wish I wasn't so stupid and ugly and fat and hateful and spiteful, and untrusting to the rest of the world. I wish I had the courage to just exist like a normal fucking human being rather than being afraid of my life. I wish I was just vapor and I couldn't be seen.
I don't want to got to school. I don't want to go to therapy. I just want to fade away.
I wish I was something else. Someone else. Someone that is worthy of taking up space on this world, not a waste like I am.
But what's the point in complaining. No one cares anyway. Not my family, no one. I am the one they pretend to care about, pretend to pity, just to get them to shut up. I'm the one they ignore when they can, and deep down in the pit of their soul, they wish they would just whiter up and die.
If I could choose to just not be anymore, I would. This world is not worth it. This place is not worth it. I am not worth it! God! I fucking hate this! I wish I was happy for one fucking moment of my life! That I was someone! That I was worth something!
But what's the point in wishing. You only get disappointed anyway.
"Show me how defenseless you really are"- So Cold, Breaking Benjamin