10 Things you didn't know about Jazzcat and I
The following "amusing" post has been showing up on news groups (I pulled it from soc.culture.australian). Aparently drugs destroyed my life.... hilarity. From google alerts with love, yo.
http://www.freewebs.com/wandererartificialstupidity/
keywords: wanderer, jazzcat, c64, commodore 64, david simmons jaymz julian, stalker
A long long time ago in a galaxy far away there lived a stoner named David Simmons. David was one of those folks incapable of holding a good job, never had the girlfriend, read the science fiction books and remained indoors while his friends played outside. He is perhaps best known for his mullet.
Is it any wonder he happened along the Commodore 64 scene at all? Albeit way too late, he came along when everyone had left the room, thrown out their equipment and moved in with their lives.
David is a regular smoker of marijuana and hash. His mind is reduced to jello hence his unusual kook farts.
David Simmons is Jazzcat on the Commodore 64. You will know him by his long greasy hair, unusual skinny physique and the bad teeth and unusual gap between then. David Simmons hails from Tasmania, Australia.
Something about Australia breeds stoners and fools. Slartibartfast was a known drug abuser who inhaled nitrous, smoked hash, and hallucinated many times a week. His messages can still be found on the Usenet. Slarti quit the C64 in terror when his drug abuse past was exposed.
Then there was James Julian (James Thompson in real life) who also went by Jaymz Julian. This was another creepy Australian who admitted in his Livejournal to once pulling a knife on a friend and putting it to the friend's throat - the reason? Even Jaymz admits he doesn't know why he did it. Then there was the time Jaymz picked up his computer and smashed it up against the wall.
Jaymz quit the scene when he and his friends began to learn of Jaymz' drug abuse and anger issues. Jaymz has communicated this in an email discovered only recently, in which he admits that he quit due to his friends being involved. He also admits he knows who sent the message, although David simmons (net kook) would try to pursuade Jaymz it was WDR. More on that in a moment.
As David Simmons tried to reinvent the scene, he could only produce previews and unfinished works. He then tried to become an editor, focusing (yawn) again on the PAST glory days he was never a part of.
David Simmons (Jazzcat) has a tattoo on his back. It reads, "Mein Dater" which he received in a Berlin, Germany tattoo parlor. Rumor has it that David wanted "man dater" but due to a language barrier received the wrong tattoo.
David's mental capacities began to unravel when he began stalking another C64 user named WDR. David would download each one of WDR's releases and feel compelled to comment negatively upon it. Should WDR remove the entry, or later on resubmit the game, David would go back some months afterwards and try to find it. It seemed almost that David Simmons lived for WDR.
David began whining that WDR was releasing recracks. A recrack is a game previously cracked by someone else. Unfortunately many of these games original disks were lost in time or had not even worked properly when brought home from the stores.
WDR went on a fixing spree, making almost 150-200 games playable.
David made it known that unless an original disk was used, this was bad. Forget the fact that the world has been waiting two decades now for working versions. David claimed that original disks of these games were available, yet nobody had tackled the 20 year past of these games not working properly. WDR used originals where he could, especially from the Norwegian tape archive. David would then show more of his unravelling mental capacity and go off on random rants, calling these releases "recracks". Apparently the tin foil hat on David's head let in alien messages or something - because David was able, just by looking at a game, to identify if it was a recrack or not. WDR took games right from the original tape and yet David Simmons claimed it was recracked. The mental capacity of David was diminishing at a rapid rate.
David then complained the games were bad. In one instance he said that your player became stuck if you were surrounded by bad guys on each side of you. WDR claimed (and was subsequently correct) that by pressing fire and the joystick UP, that you could blast the baddies and get away. David was the only person, incidentally, to complain about this - everyone else was able to figure out how to use a joystick.
David then complained about the recracks, stating that they should have the intros of the cracker put on, not removed. WDR, in cases where he did have to use a previously cracked version, put the original crack intro on his version, and David still complained.
Apparently this fellows mental capacities were so bad, that in addition to poor oral hygeine, poor hair hygiene and poor diet, his logic process was also diseased.
David's rage increased so much over seeing WDR's perfect versions and going against his "no recrack" logic, even when it was not a recrack, that David put up a webpage to rant.
David then took his stalking of WDR further - by following WDR's usenet postings. David was obviously looking up old messages in addition To current ones. In an absolutely hilarious case, David claimed WDR had blue eyes and blonde hair. That information could only have come from a demo named "Afterlife" in which Boba Fette had written the scroll text for WDR when WDR couldn't be reached for the final linking of the page.
David then elisted the help of another netkook named David Greiman. Greiman had lost his webpage and ISP account to WDR because WDR had reported Greiman's net attacks against him. Greiman would also phone up WDR in late hours of the night on conference calls to harass him. Greiman now works for IBM. Such credibile sources :)
Frustrated, David had to get more information. He tried his hand at gaining WDR's photo. All he could come up with was a red headed dude named the Cock Mongler. It was so pathetic and hilarious that even his friends were laughing at him. WDR even pointed out the links (many of them) which pointed out the red headed guy was from Alberta and nicknamed Cock Mongler. In the end David's mental capacity had to give in, and David quietly removed the photo.
David then claimed that WDR lived at 3665 Arista Way in Mississauga. He may have been on acid at the time, but David claimed he'd had a fellow who had SEEN WDR at that address and would be providing more details. No such details ever came out, likely due to the fact that WDR had never lived in Mississauga. David's mental capacities were now at an all time low, as David's drug abuse continued.
David then tried to incite public support by mailing an alleged used condom to Oswald and to Stash. David had been monitoring forum messages and felt that he could use the ongoing debates to his advantage. When the condoms were received, David claimed that WDR had used a mail-forwarding service to send them. David Simmons erred on two parts. The first was that WDR lives in Canada and would not need a forwarding service. The second and more critical error was that no photos or infirmation had been shown publically yet. How did David know that a mail forwarding service was used? Likely because David Simmons had to resort to using one in order to try to make the letters look like they were authentic.
David Simmons even had the receivers of the condoms take scans of them and send them to him. It seems unlikely that anyone who received a condom via mail would hang on to it let alone take a photo of it. Rumor has it that David took the photos himself, another rumor is that the photos were staged by those who sent them. The most likely scenario is David used the forwarding service and those are the photos we see today.
Knowing WDR used to be an Ozzy fan, David's next move was to go to Ozzyhead's webpage and leave nasty messages in it. This would allow ozzyhead to think, as Oswald and Stash did, that WDR was behind it. Remember David would spend hours at a time looking up WDR's past. Mitch sent David some outdated photos and David realized at long last that Cock Mongler was in fact not WDR. Too much drugs, too much drugs :)
Jaymz Julian contributed to the stalking of WDR. Logs were saved which show Jaymz running script after script on WDR's webpages trying to hack it. Unfortunately for Jaymz, WDR used ASP not PHP and they were a waste of time and effort.
Jaymz and David communicated a lot, mainly about WDR. It was quite obsessive and stalker like. DAvid was concerned that he was about to lose his coveted website due to DCMA allegations as well as the ISP fed up with David's stalking antics. Jazzcat/David even offered to PAY out of his own pocket and take over the page that Jaymz Julian was paying for. It seemed odd anyone would pay money to try to tell an uncaring world about opinions on recracks, old photos and condoms.
As David's mental functions dwindled away, he began going after WDR's family by visiting their webpages. Logs were kept which show this, and members of the family soon began receiving phone calls from David. It was not hard to determine who it was, for the accent gave it away as did the double-chirp when David hung up. American conferencees will know what this sound is compared to the soundless American hang up.
WDR and his wife moved to a small community island to be closer to relatives. In the process they changed their phone number and the phone calls from Australia stopped.
To this day David can still be found spamming the internet with his kookfart webpage. Ironically these posts are to the same groups, even the same THREADS that WDR is using.
In other words, the Australian drug abuser is stalking WDR online to post messages to direct people to a webpage which labels WDR as a stalker. It's quite ironic but typical of David's mental processes.
WDR routinely uses a post script to make it difficult for David to learn where WDR works. It has worked for two years, as none of WDR's family, friends nor co-workers have ever said anything about hearing from David.
Interestingly enough, David who is known for his drug abuse, claims that WDR has red hair, is a drug user, an alcoholic and takes Paxil. It can only be added to the already long list of inconsistencies David's mind dreams up.
WDR hasn't had any alcohol since 1991, and was always a social drinker. WDR has never taken Paxil, and never used drugs.
In a final display of proving to the world that David was indeed stalking WDR (that is to say, waking up every morning and spending hours of his life looking up WDR material... can you say pwned?), David proudly crowed to the world that he had found information that WDR had stalked an ex girlfriend named Angie Legrow. Sadly he overlooked two details. He overlooked the person who was on the other end of the exchange was a fellow explorer friend, and that another thread revealed that it was all a prank played on a person WDR knew was stalking him - also named Dave.
You can still David looking for anything he can find on WDR, for reasons knowon only to David. David can claimed he'd like to see WDR charged, yet out of all of the claims David has made, absolutely none of them seem to contain any evidence. The screenshots and text pastes could have been forged, faked or from someone else. David has much to learn about the legal system as well as learning to say no to drugs. It has destroyed his mind. David once wrote to Julian that he "would like to get the Google hits up" for the website, meaning that David would be once more spamming and flooding c64 sites as he had previously done.
In the end, it seems nobody cares about WDR but David :)
A tragic life destroyed by illicit narcotics which joins the ranks of fellow Aussies as Jaymz Julian and Slartibartfarter.