Her
It has come to an end you see?
The Shannan and Jamie Saga.
It is of course as bittersweet as can be expected.
It seems to be a peaceful thing
no more turn around secrets, no more stumbling upon"She saids"
Do I miss her? Tricky.
I don't miss the girl I texted yesterday morning, the one who threw all the daggers she could.
but do I miss the girl that cried whenever we walked by a bar where someone would sing Landslide
or the one that listened to P!nk and HIM with me.
Yes.
Mom says that this is part of growing up. you change.
but who changed?
She left me the voicemail. I only deleted it yesterday.
She said she wanted me back, the old me, as her life story left her sobbing lips
I felt so guilty when I heard that message, so wounded. I'd hurt Shannan.
I called, over and over. With no intention but to know she wasn't in danger.
I do not miss the girl that put her own feelings over mine when someone dear to me died.
and All I could think about this was....how would she feel if....I were to get hit by a car?
Would I almost die to have her back, to have her with me.
She'll never really be with me again though.
Did I change so much?
I don't feel like it. Maybe we both changed?
She is happy, I am happy.
shouldn't that be enough.
At the end of the day, I just want everything still again. The waters of my life to stop rippling.
Just in the last month I've lost friends. Too many friends.
But I won't take back my words. You don't take back the truth.
I won't speak to anyone about Colin any more, no one else gets my story.
It hurts every time I speak it and if you don't care, if you don't value my honesty enough
then why should I?
She'll be okay.
Shannan will be okay.
Because she has a future, it would be better if she could get out of her house, but she has a future.
and she can drive.
and Danny & Jessica will take care of her.
Probably better than I couldnow.
but I always want her to be okay.
even when I am mad, and I say I hate her.
ugh too many early morning thoughts.
Back to bed.
The Shannan and Jamie Saga.
It is of course as bittersweet as can be expected.
It seems to be a peaceful thing
no more turn around secrets, no more stumbling upon"She saids"
Do I miss her? Tricky.
I don't miss the girl I texted yesterday morning, the one who threw all the daggers she could.
but do I miss the girl that cried whenever we walked by a bar where someone would sing Landslide
or the one that listened to P!nk and HIM with me.
Yes.
Mom says that this is part of growing up. you change.
but who changed?
She left me the voicemail. I only deleted it yesterday.
She said she wanted me back, the old me, as her life story left her sobbing lips
I felt so guilty when I heard that message, so wounded. I'd hurt Shannan.
I called, over and over. With no intention but to know she wasn't in danger.
I do not miss the girl that put her own feelings over mine when someone dear to me died.
and All I could think about this was....how would she feel if....I were to get hit by a car?
Would I almost die to have her back, to have her with me.
She'll never really be with me again though.
Did I change so much?
I don't feel like it. Maybe we both changed?
She is happy, I am happy.
shouldn't that be enough.
At the end of the day, I just want everything still again. The waters of my life to stop rippling.
Just in the last month I've lost friends. Too many friends.
But I won't take back my words. You don't take back the truth.
I won't speak to anyone about Colin any more, no one else gets my story.
It hurts every time I speak it and if you don't care, if you don't value my honesty enough
then why should I?
She'll be okay.
Shannan will be okay.
Because she has a future, it would be better if she could get out of her house, but she has a future.
and she can drive.
and Danny & Jessica will take care of her.
Probably better than I couldnow.
but I always want her to be okay.
even when I am mad, and I say I hate her.
ugh too many early morning thoughts.
Back to bed.