nightmares

[jaymepayme]

today i drove down to sa. i stopped in austin to spend some time with matt. that was awesome. i was all smiles. great guy. i was also on a crazy high. a 5 hr energy shot and the biggest red bull i could find.

maybe this is what i get. maybe this is my coming down.

i didnt take work into class today. maybe i'm feeling guilty for that.
i dont know.

i have the shakes. i'm balling my eyes out.
i've never been so terrified to sleep.

i feel it in my gut. that wrenching feeling you get when you see someone so hopped on hard drugs or rotting flesh of children. its like i know i'm going to see these things when i close my eyes. and i'll be all alone.

i hate sleeping.

i fucking hate it.

i hate being terrified to sleep.

mellie's singing to me.
she's been singing hymns to me for a while now.

i dont know what to do.

i hate this.