last night made things a little better-oddly enough.
i dont think everything is ok.
i dont think that this made it better or worse.
good thing is it wasn't weird. and for some odd reason it felt right.
i'm still sad about a lot of things. i'm sad things didnt work out. i'm sad i lost so much time and i'm sad that i'm still sad.
i think as much as i try to fight it i'll be upset about this for a while.
the notion to contact me was a good one.
i think things aren't ok, and they won't be for a while. the light at the end of the tunnel is far away but nevertheless it's there.
it felt good to be myself. it felt good to have a friend back in my life for 7 hours. someone that i know understands me and lets me be me regardless of all the pain and suffering and anger. he still let me be me and that means more to me than most things in life.
up here i'm so lost. i hate myself. everyone is so religious and so conservative. they'd never do half of things i've done or be ok with anyone that has. i have to keep my past a secret. i have to keep my humor toned down because people just think i'm weird.
i hate no being able to be me. i miss most the simple smiles and being able to be myself.
it was a good talk.
who knows if he'll contact me again.
who knows if he felt just as comfortable at some points.
who knows if it even matters if i'm in his life.
i'm not sure it really matters in mine yet.
it was good to have someone to talk to though.
and the apology is growing into one with substance. one with meaning and not just two words- i'm sorry.
i've been crying since last saturday i feel.
i'm crying now. ha and its not because of anyone but myself, i find myself hating myself so much. hating my past when i'm up here and hating who i am up here.
i hate that there's so much room for hate in my life.
i just want to smile. i just want to feel better.
Sleep, don't weep, my sweet love
Your face is all wet and your day was rough
So do what you must do to find yourself
Wear another shoe, or paint my shelf
Those times that I was broke, and you stood strong
I think I found a place where I...
Sleep, don't weep, my sweet love
Your face it's all wet 'cause our days were rough
So do what you must do to fill that hole
Wear another shoe to comfort the soul
Those times that I was broke, and you stood strong
I think I found a place where I feel I will...
Sleep, don't weep, my sweet love
My face it's all wet 'cause my day was rough
So do what you must do to find yourself
Wear another shoe, or paint my shelf
Those times that I was broke, and you stood strong
I hope I find a place where I feel I belong
Sleep, don't weep, my sweet love
My face is all wet 'cause my day was rough
i dont think that this made it better or worse.
good thing is it wasn't weird. and for some odd reason it felt right.
i'm still sad about a lot of things. i'm sad things didnt work out. i'm sad i lost so much time and i'm sad that i'm still sad.
i think as much as i try to fight it i'll be upset about this for a while.
the notion to contact me was a good one.
i think things aren't ok, and they won't be for a while. the light at the end of the tunnel is far away but nevertheless it's there.
it felt good to be myself. it felt good to have a friend back in my life for 7 hours. someone that i know understands me and lets me be me regardless of all the pain and suffering and anger. he still let me be me and that means more to me than most things in life.
up here i'm so lost. i hate myself. everyone is so religious and so conservative. they'd never do half of things i've done or be ok with anyone that has. i have to keep my past a secret. i have to keep my humor toned down because people just think i'm weird.
i hate no being able to be me. i miss most the simple smiles and being able to be myself.
it was a good talk.
who knows if he'll contact me again.
who knows if he felt just as comfortable at some points.
who knows if it even matters if i'm in his life.
i'm not sure it really matters in mine yet.
it was good to have someone to talk to though.
and the apology is growing into one with substance. one with meaning and not just two words- i'm sorry.
i've been crying since last saturday i feel.
i'm crying now. ha and its not because of anyone but myself, i find myself hating myself so much. hating my past when i'm up here and hating who i am up here.
i hate that there's so much room for hate in my life.
i just want to smile. i just want to feel better.
Sleep, don't weep, my sweet love
Your face is all wet and your day was rough
So do what you must do to find yourself
Wear another shoe, or paint my shelf
Those times that I was broke, and you stood strong
I think I found a place where I...
Sleep, don't weep, my sweet love
Your face it's all wet 'cause our days were rough
So do what you must do to fill that hole
Wear another shoe to comfort the soul
Those times that I was broke, and you stood strong
I think I found a place where I feel I will...
Sleep, don't weep, my sweet love
My face it's all wet 'cause my day was rough
So do what you must do to find yourself
Wear another shoe, or paint my shelf
Those times that I was broke, and you stood strong
I hope I find a place where I feel I belong
Sleep, don't weep, my sweet love
My face is all wet 'cause my day was rough