in three acts
I suppose I could use this space, this time to actually update. On Friday I went here, and on Saturday this person called. But really, since the champions league day, much has happened. More mean words at work, that aren't meant mean, but they come out mean and I'm so over it. A semi-solution that calms my nerves and my heart. A medical scare that tested strength in so many ways and truth be told all bonds are stronger. but after finishing the book I just read, I wish instead for only this - which might be a tad too personal for a public entry but whatev.
I suppose every relationship, be it with family, friends or lovers, works in waves. There are moments when you feel closer to the other person that you could have ever imagined possible. When their every thought, every movement seems to be something you envisioned in your head before it happened. When you feel at home in strange towns. And there are moments when no matter how loud you yell or long you talk the other person never seems to understand. I have had, as I suspect we all have had, these moments with a few different people. And in the last two months I have had both of these moments, to the extreme, with the same person. And after everything, the tests and the rewards, I layed there on the floor last Saturday night, hazy from champagne and two plus hours of the sopranos, gingerly touched his arm with the tip of my finger and wondered, "after nearly a year, is it possible to become re-smitten with someone?"
I know that this feeling eventually will give way to the other wave, the pendullum will always swing. But after weathering all that we, I, have recently, I hope to remember how confident, healthy, happy and calm/excited that I am right now, and hope to always cherish the upswing of the waves more than i fret about the downswings. and as I have also had many close friendships re-emerging and changing shapes, I hope to carry these lessons to the way I treat and expect to be treated in those relationships.
Also, I would like to say the June 13th has come and gone. And for the first time since it's initial coming five years ago, I felt as safe and as loved and as whole as I'm sure she wanted me to be. And while a good deal of it had to do with SB, much of it also had to do with my actions from the week before and the calm that i am finding within myself.
p.s. we're taking a road trip this weekend. a mini-break.
I suppose every relationship, be it with family, friends or lovers, works in waves. There are moments when you feel closer to the other person that you could have ever imagined possible. When their every thought, every movement seems to be something you envisioned in your head before it happened. When you feel at home in strange towns. And there are moments when no matter how loud you yell or long you talk the other person never seems to understand. I have had, as I suspect we all have had, these moments with a few different people. And in the last two months I have had both of these moments, to the extreme, with the same person. And after everything, the tests and the rewards, I layed there on the floor last Saturday night, hazy from champagne and two plus hours of the sopranos, gingerly touched his arm with the tip of my finger and wondered, "after nearly a year, is it possible to become re-smitten with someone?"
I know that this feeling eventually will give way to the other wave, the pendullum will always swing. But after weathering all that we, I, have recently, I hope to remember how confident, healthy, happy and calm/excited that I am right now, and hope to always cherish the upswing of the waves more than i fret about the downswings. and as I have also had many close friendships re-emerging and changing shapes, I hope to carry these lessons to the way I treat and expect to be treated in those relationships.
Also, I would like to say the June 13th has come and gone. And for the first time since it's initial coming five years ago, I felt as safe and as loved and as whole as I'm sure she wanted me to be. And while a good deal of it had to do with SB, much of it also had to do with my actions from the week before and the calm that i am finding within myself.
p.s. we're taking a road trip this weekend. a mini-break.