So this is how it feels? ...reaching for heaven?
figured I havnt updated in a while and my mind is almost at the point of complete overflow so I figured this would be the perfect time and place to ...unload?
School is in 6 days. SO weird isn't it. I feel like i was just counting down the days to when I;d be "checking into the Grand Hotel". And here it is, my second year in Port. I'm a junior now. A Junior. An upperclassman. Who am I kidding though, i'm not really 16, I mean externally maybe, but internally all who know me know I'm still about 8. I'm still the little girl who goes to the Magic Kingdom and cries when she sees cinderella's castle, and dreams about one day being the tenant of that castle. Or the little girl who hugs micky, because even though people say it's just a man in a suit, to me it's safety, happiness.
This year may prove itself to be the toughest year of my life. I spoke to andrew today, and after telling him everything I have taken on this year, he and I both decided I have no time to breathe, he even observed that if I were to clone myself and break up the schedule between my two selves, I would still have no time, so becoming a skitzofrenic isn't even an option anymore. Fuck. I was totally counting on that too. As much as I'm taking on, it still feels like I'm doing nothing, fuck the over-achiever in me! really! And it's usually around now when everything begins to get overwhelming and frustrating where I start beginning the usdan countdown. Those days are over. I wish i could verbalize the feeling that idea evokes in me. But it's inexplicable. I'm sure next summer will end up being okay, amazing perhaps, but it doesn't matter. Usdan is so much more than just what I did during the summer, it's a part of me. And I suppose now it is even a bigger part of me. It's ironic but as sad as it makes me, I feel ...lucky. A lot of people go their entire life without meeting people they can completely trust, who just get them sometimes when they don't get myself. But I have been fortunate enough to have met these few people, so young. They see me. There is really no other way to put it. No matter how many times I say how I don't deserve them, I will never be able to fully express how much they mean to me. Although I've never been in love, I do know what its like to love a person, or people so much it makes you want to cry. And I met those people at Usdan. So I suppose along with Usdan, the experience in it's entirety, those people are and will forever be a part of me as well.
I've been feeling lately, like I can really do this whole performing thing. It's a really fulfilling feeling. And I suppose I've decided to really take it in cause God knows it won't last long =P so I have to remember how it feels. The world will definitely be seeing things from Jamie Pillet, I promise. I am very uncertain about the future, we all know that, but I know I was put here to make a difference as retarded as that sounds, and I feel like I'm closer than I've ever been?
I probably stopped making sense about 5 minutes ago, but it's myyyy journal, so ....sue me.
My ipod died. It's sad. I have to bring it to the Apple store, I think it's going to have to have surgery...keep it in your thoughts.
I get to spend a weekend with Blair in Rochester Ny in december...burr...why you ask? hehe cause we are in all state mixed choir together! ahh, it's nice when things pay off.
Blair for president. She is an amazing swimmer and good at basketball. What more could you want in a political leader? ...she's got my vote :-)
I'm obsessed with blair Goldberg and not just cause I am managing her campaign for the '09 election. But because she is....amazing.
no it's not a typo...I meant to say the election of '09...
I saw Ice Princess twice while I was in Universal. good movie. Don't knock it till you see it =] it's one of those feel happy movies...with a good soundtrack. I was going to be a professional figure skater once upon a time. 2 broken wrists and one broken elbow later...I changed my mind.
Dan Perman wrote me the coolest plane letter ever, and is my new best friend. We have decided to change our names and move to disney world...it's simply better there. All should bow down to his awesom-ness. Period. End of Sentence
Hey, my birthday was like 5 months ago...so like...around now? that would be a good time to get my permit...right? yea...i should get on that.
I MUST see Pillowman before it closes. Cause it was quite possibly the best show I've seen in over a year. Go see it. Now.
It is almost September 2nd. Happy birthday Danny Frost.
I'm starting to think in fragments, thats how I know its time to stop writing :-)
My prayers are with New Orleans.
<3 J
School is in 6 days. SO weird isn't it. I feel like i was just counting down the days to when I;d be "checking into the Grand Hotel". And here it is, my second year in Port. I'm a junior now. A Junior. An upperclassman. Who am I kidding though, i'm not really 16, I mean externally maybe, but internally all who know me know I'm still about 8. I'm still the little girl who goes to the Magic Kingdom and cries when she sees cinderella's castle, and dreams about one day being the tenant of that castle. Or the little girl who hugs micky, because even though people say it's just a man in a suit, to me it's safety, happiness.
This year may prove itself to be the toughest year of my life. I spoke to andrew today, and after telling him everything I have taken on this year, he and I both decided I have no time to breathe, he even observed that if I were to clone myself and break up the schedule between my two selves, I would still have no time, so becoming a skitzofrenic isn't even an option anymore. Fuck. I was totally counting on that too. As much as I'm taking on, it still feels like I'm doing nothing, fuck the over-achiever in me! really! And it's usually around now when everything begins to get overwhelming and frustrating where I start beginning the usdan countdown. Those days are over. I wish i could verbalize the feeling that idea evokes in me. But it's inexplicable. I'm sure next summer will end up being okay, amazing perhaps, but it doesn't matter. Usdan is so much more than just what I did during the summer, it's a part of me. And I suppose now it is even a bigger part of me. It's ironic but as sad as it makes me, I feel ...lucky. A lot of people go their entire life without meeting people they can completely trust, who just get them sometimes when they don't get myself. But I have been fortunate enough to have met these few people, so young. They see me. There is really no other way to put it. No matter how many times I say how I don't deserve them, I will never be able to fully express how much they mean to me. Although I've never been in love, I do know what its like to love a person, or people so much it makes you want to cry. And I met those people at Usdan. So I suppose along with Usdan, the experience in it's entirety, those people are and will forever be a part of me as well.
I've been feeling lately, like I can really do this whole performing thing. It's a really fulfilling feeling. And I suppose I've decided to really take it in cause God knows it won't last long =P so I have to remember how it feels. The world will definitely be seeing things from Jamie Pillet, I promise. I am very uncertain about the future, we all know that, but I know I was put here to make a difference as retarded as that sounds, and I feel like I'm closer than I've ever been?
I probably stopped making sense about 5 minutes ago, but it's myyyy journal, so ....sue me.
My ipod died. It's sad. I have to bring it to the Apple store, I think it's going to have to have surgery...keep it in your thoughts.
I get to spend a weekend with Blair in Rochester Ny in december...burr...why you ask? hehe cause we are in all state mixed choir together! ahh, it's nice when things pay off.
Blair for president. She is an amazing swimmer and good at basketball. What more could you want in a political leader? ...she's got my vote :-)
I'm obsessed with blair Goldberg and not just cause I am managing her campaign for the '09 election. But because she is....amazing.
no it's not a typo...I meant to say the election of '09...
I saw Ice Princess twice while I was in Universal. good movie. Don't knock it till you see it =] it's one of those feel happy movies...with a good soundtrack. I was going to be a professional figure skater once upon a time. 2 broken wrists and one broken elbow later...I changed my mind.
Dan Perman wrote me the coolest plane letter ever, and is my new best friend. We have decided to change our names and move to disney world...it's simply better there. All should bow down to his awesom-ness. Period. End of Sentence
Hey, my birthday was like 5 months ago...so like...around now? that would be a good time to get my permit...right? yea...i should get on that.
I MUST see Pillowman before it closes. Cause it was quite possibly the best show I've seen in over a year. Go see it. Now.
It is almost September 2nd. Happy birthday Danny Frost.
I'm starting to think in fragments, thats how I know its time to stop writing :-)
My prayers are with New Orleans.
<3 J