Brain Chemistry
Mom and Dad came over on Sunday while the Super Bowl was on, and we watched Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog... And we happened to turn it off just in time to watch some guy make a 100-yard intersection touchdown with no seconds left before halftime. Hooray for stumbling across sports history, I guess?
Now, for the thoughts that have been clawing their way out of my brain:
I've never been one to speak my mind unless I had a convincing argument (or a witty saying) to back it up. Steph, on the other hand, tends to wear her heart on her sleeve. She usually keeps ahold of her tongue enough to keep her out of trouble, but when she's with someone she trusts (me, for instance), she tends to say whatever she's thinking. Naturally, this is a fine arrangement from my side of the equation--I'm naturally curious but don't know the best questions, so I like how she opens up. It's not so great for her, because I don't "open up".
I feel for her--like I said, I'm naturally curious, and I know she is too--but I don't even really know if I know HOW to open up. I've always held things in. The things rolling around my brain don't always even make sense to me, and those things I do not talk about--I promptly purge them. A lot of the things I do understand are trivial at best--I've spent an excessive amount of time in the past month thinking about my D&D character, for instance, and other D&D characters. Or replaying Dr. Horrible in my head, or pondering Chrono Trigger and the things that make it nifty. Or estimating the size of my savings account a month from now, or the size of my credit card bill, or, at work, wondering how Stephie is dealing with her quirky coworkers today.
Pulling stuff out of my brain has always been hard for me. There's some bandwidth issue, like the pipe is clogged up. It's the same problem as how I forget words. I guess I'm too particular, but I hate saying "that, um, thing does... stuff."
I swear I don't know how much is real and how much is imagined, but it makes me feel broken sometimes. And I definitely don't like being broken around Stephanie.
Actually, I think playing D&D helps... It's a 'safe' environment for interaction, where you have to say everything you do. Lots of communication there, and immediate feedback.
I dunno. Maybe I'm just weird.
I absolutely like the feeling when I do get to open up to Stephie and share something special about me. It seems like it makes her come alive a little bit more. It's always exciting to see her out of her shell.
Now, for the thoughts that have been clawing their way out of my brain:
I've never been one to speak my mind unless I had a convincing argument (or a witty saying) to back it up. Steph, on the other hand, tends to wear her heart on her sleeve. She usually keeps ahold of her tongue enough to keep her out of trouble, but when she's with someone she trusts (me, for instance), she tends to say whatever she's thinking. Naturally, this is a fine arrangement from my side of the equation--I'm naturally curious but don't know the best questions, so I like how she opens up. It's not so great for her, because I don't "open up".
I feel for her--like I said, I'm naturally curious, and I know she is too--but I don't even really know if I know HOW to open up. I've always held things in. The things rolling around my brain don't always even make sense to me, and those things I do not talk about--I promptly purge them. A lot of the things I do understand are trivial at best--I've spent an excessive amount of time in the past month thinking about my D&D character, for instance, and other D&D characters. Or replaying Dr. Horrible in my head, or pondering Chrono Trigger and the things that make it nifty. Or estimating the size of my savings account a month from now, or the size of my credit card bill, or, at work, wondering how Stephie is dealing with her quirky coworkers today.
Pulling stuff out of my brain has always been hard for me. There's some bandwidth issue, like the pipe is clogged up. It's the same problem as how I forget words. I guess I'm too particular, but I hate saying "that, um, thing does... stuff."
I swear I don't know how much is real and how much is imagined, but it makes me feel broken sometimes. And I definitely don't like being broken around Stephanie.
Actually, I think playing D&D helps... It's a 'safe' environment for interaction, where you have to say everything you do. Lots of communication there, and immediate feedback.
I dunno. Maybe I'm just weird.
I absolutely like the feeling when I do get to open up to Stephie and share something special about me. It seems like it makes her come alive a little bit more. It's always exciting to see her out of her shell.