(no subject)
ok, maybe i'm just being stupid and pms-y, but sometimes i wonder why i am with who i'm with. what exactly is it that he does for me that i can't find anywhere else?
i mean, this summer was miserable. anybody who was around me at all knows that. all i wanted was for him to come home. when he's not around i think about him all the time. we've been through so much, but i don't know if i can do it anymore. he's made everything harder for me. i thought being in love meant that they eased your mind, and took care of you. and while i can't deny that he does sometimes, it just doesn't seem like enough anymore.
i know that it's give and take, but i feel like i've been doing a lot of the giving. i really don't think he notices anything at times.
i mean, i've been telling him that i'm sick for like, a week now. and he still doesn't understand why i don't just "go out and do stuff". i don't go out that much anymore because every time i'm in the car i feel like i'm going to fucking ralph all over the place. and that's just not pleasant.
he also doesn't get that i'm worried about ACTF. i mean, hello! all the competition, last minute rehearsals, memorization, all that stuff. plus wondering whether or not i'll even be able to get out of bed in the morning. it doesn't help that we never found out what the cast list for utopia parkway is.
i'm tired of comparing myself to other people. i feel insecure, sick, and nervous. and it sucks. all of it.
every time i try to talk to him about it, he wants to wait until we're alone face to face. but until his car is back on the road, we won't see each other and if we do we won't be alone. and i leave on monday.
something's gotta give.
i mean, this summer was miserable. anybody who was around me at all knows that. all i wanted was for him to come home. when he's not around i think about him all the time. we've been through so much, but i don't know if i can do it anymore. he's made everything harder for me. i thought being in love meant that they eased your mind, and took care of you. and while i can't deny that he does sometimes, it just doesn't seem like enough anymore.
i know that it's give and take, but i feel like i've been doing a lot of the giving. i really don't think he notices anything at times.
i mean, i've been telling him that i'm sick for like, a week now. and he still doesn't understand why i don't just "go out and do stuff". i don't go out that much anymore because every time i'm in the car i feel like i'm going to fucking ralph all over the place. and that's just not pleasant.
he also doesn't get that i'm worried about ACTF. i mean, hello! all the competition, last minute rehearsals, memorization, all that stuff. plus wondering whether or not i'll even be able to get out of bed in the morning. it doesn't help that we never found out what the cast list for utopia parkway is.
i'm tired of comparing myself to other people. i feel insecure, sick, and nervous. and it sucks. all of it.
every time i try to talk to him about it, he wants to wait until we're alone face to face. but until his car is back on the road, we won't see each other and if we do we won't be alone. and i leave on monday.
something's gotta give.