Something new....
I am a solitary pagan, for a lot of reasons, if you had met some of the people I tried practicing with long ago you'd understand why I'm reluctant to join a group. And my faith has always been highly personal and my own particular blend of whatever.
As A result I haven't spent a lot of time participating on holidays. I make Samhein with meditations, I've participated in a few group Beltane celebrations and one quite disastrous Imbolic ritual (Imbolic is my favorite, fire and all). Things haven't been quite right in my life recently. I've been depressed for a couple of weeks and I wanted a new start. So I sat vigil. I wasn't great, I came into the night exhausted so I dozed a little in the middle but I watched the light fade away and this morning I dressed up warmly and watched the light fill the sky again.
The longest night is over. I don't know if I found peace but it was something. The air is just this side of freezing up here and all the snow has melted. I walked though the warehouses and apartments in my area till I found and edge of wood that hadn't been cut for a housing development and stood on the edge facing east. The sky was lavenders and gray with just the underside of pink. Towards the end red filled the underside of the clouds. I think I need to spend more time meditating, something definitely has been off kilter and meditations should help with that.
I wrote to, something just for me. There was joy in that and not worrying if I was being trite or if a phrase was over used, just letting the words carry themselves across the page.
Blair and Max are celebrating too. Blair is curled up next to me, hooking his claws into my skirts and purring his "You are not allowed to move or leave mommy" purr. Max on the other hand is bouncing from windowsill to furniture to floor and trilling. The house smells of incense, dragon's blood and sandlewood. I have a pillar candle lit on my desk and I have pulled out my tarot deck and meditated on that. I think there is peace there now.
As A result I haven't spent a lot of time participating on holidays. I make Samhein with meditations, I've participated in a few group Beltane celebrations and one quite disastrous Imbolic ritual (Imbolic is my favorite, fire and all). Things haven't been quite right in my life recently. I've been depressed for a couple of weeks and I wanted a new start. So I sat vigil. I wasn't great, I came into the night exhausted so I dozed a little in the middle but I watched the light fade away and this morning I dressed up warmly and watched the light fill the sky again.
The longest night is over. I don't know if I found peace but it was something. The air is just this side of freezing up here and all the snow has melted. I walked though the warehouses and apartments in my area till I found and edge of wood that hadn't been cut for a housing development and stood on the edge facing east. The sky was lavenders and gray with just the underside of pink. Towards the end red filled the underside of the clouds. I think I need to spend more time meditating, something definitely has been off kilter and meditations should help with that.
I wrote to, something just for me. There was joy in that and not worrying if I was being trite or if a phrase was over used, just letting the words carry themselves across the page.
Blair and Max are celebrating too. Blair is curled up next to me, hooking his claws into my skirts and purring his "You are not allowed to move or leave mommy" purr. Max on the other hand is bouncing from windowsill to furniture to floor and trilling. The house smells of incense, dragon's blood and sandlewood. I have a pillar candle lit on my desk and I have pulled out my tarot deck and meditated on that. I think there is peace there now.