[Fic] no voice to follow
Fandom: Castle
Pairing: Esposito/Ryan
Rating: G
Warnings: None.
Word count: c.600
Disclaimer: Characters are not mine.
A/N: For my angst bingo prompt 'deaf'. Mild, mild spoilers for 5x01 and 5x02. Diverges from canon sometime early in 5x02.
***
It’s the silence that kills him. Javier won’t answer Kevin’s phone calls, won’t let him in when he knocks on his door. He won’t listen, won’t hear a word of what Kevin has to say. And Kevin’s lost; he’s scrambling for some direction, but he doesn’t have a voice to follow.
Javier has always been Kevin’s safety net, and his voice is a sign that everything’s okay. A reassuring voice at the end of a radio, letting him know that everything’s going fine. His soft laugh when they’re alone together, the one that Kevin fell in love with the first time he heard it, and the jokes tell him that everything’s okay after a rough day.
This empty silence is every indication that nothing’s right.
They work together when they’re helping Beckett, with Mr Smith and the file and trying to figure out how to keep Beckett safe, but barely. Javier still barely looks at him, and when he does, he doesn’t try and hide the contempt in his eyes, he doesn’t mask the bitterness in his voice.
There’s a moment when they’re bouncing ideas off one another, when for a split second, it feels like they’re really partners again, but Javi meets Kevin’s eyes, and they remember how easily Javier pointed a gun at Kevin’s head, and it’s gone.
Kevin’s spent so long trying to figure out exactly what they are, thinking about what’s going on, because they’re far beyond just friends. But none of that seems to matter now, because Javier will barely speak at all, and it’s like Kevin needs to hear his voice to breathe. He needs to hear him speak the way he used to, when there was no need to say it straight out, because he could hear in every word that Javi loved him.
He can’t hear anything now.
They go through work and it’s business, professional. If there’s teasing, it’s bordering on cruel instead of playful, and Kevin’s ashamed to admit that it goes both ways, but he can’t just back down and take it. He won’t apologize for what he did; he made a decision, a decision that was only meant to keep them safe, and he will never apologize for trying to protect the people he cares about. And, if nothing else, he’s still persistent.
Even though Javier barely speaks a word to Kevin that’s not about work, he calls every night. Javier doesn’t answer, he never answers now, because he knows it’s Kevin, but he always leaves a message. Kevin doesn’t know if Javier even listens to those messages, but he can hope. He goes to Javier’s apartment some days, but not often. The door never opens for him, and he’s left standing in the hallway.
But it goes on for too long, and Kevin can’t bear the silence anymore. He bangs on the door and he knows Javier’s in there, and when he still refuses to see him, Kevin just sits down and waits. He talks, loud enough for Javier to hear, he knows, because the neighbours down the hall are yelling at him to be quiet, but he keeps going.
The door flies open suddenly, and Kevin’s head jerks up surprise.
“Don’t you ever shut up?”
Kevin lifts his chin. “I’d shut up if you’d just listen to me.”
Javier snorts, says, “That doesn’t even make sense, man,” but he steps to the side and jerks his head at the door.
It’s not much, but it’s something, and that’s all Kevin needs right now. However little it may be, Javi is talking, and Kevin’s been waiting to hear for so long now.
Pairing: Esposito/Ryan
Rating: G
Warnings: None.
Word count: c.600
Disclaimer: Characters are not mine.
A/N: For my angst bingo prompt 'deaf'. Mild, mild spoilers for 5x01 and 5x02. Diverges from canon sometime early in 5x02.
***
It’s the silence that kills him. Javier won’t answer Kevin’s phone calls, won’t let him in when he knocks on his door. He won’t listen, won’t hear a word of what Kevin has to say. And Kevin’s lost; he’s scrambling for some direction, but he doesn’t have a voice to follow.
Javier has always been Kevin’s safety net, and his voice is a sign that everything’s okay. A reassuring voice at the end of a radio, letting him know that everything’s going fine. His soft laugh when they’re alone together, the one that Kevin fell in love with the first time he heard it, and the jokes tell him that everything’s okay after a rough day.
This empty silence is every indication that nothing’s right.
They work together when they’re helping Beckett, with Mr Smith and the file and trying to figure out how to keep Beckett safe, but barely. Javier still barely looks at him, and when he does, he doesn’t try and hide the contempt in his eyes, he doesn’t mask the bitterness in his voice.
There’s a moment when they’re bouncing ideas off one another, when for a split second, it feels like they’re really partners again, but Javi meets Kevin’s eyes, and they remember how easily Javier pointed a gun at Kevin’s head, and it’s gone.
Kevin’s spent so long trying to figure out exactly what they are, thinking about what’s going on, because they’re far beyond just friends. But none of that seems to matter now, because Javier will barely speak at all, and it’s like Kevin needs to hear his voice to breathe. He needs to hear him speak the way he used to, when there was no need to say it straight out, because he could hear in every word that Javi loved him.
He can’t hear anything now.
They go through work and it’s business, professional. If there’s teasing, it’s bordering on cruel instead of playful, and Kevin’s ashamed to admit that it goes both ways, but he can’t just back down and take it. He won’t apologize for what he did; he made a decision, a decision that was only meant to keep them safe, and he will never apologize for trying to protect the people he cares about. And, if nothing else, he’s still persistent.
Even though Javier barely speaks a word to Kevin that’s not about work, he calls every night. Javier doesn’t answer, he never answers now, because he knows it’s Kevin, but he always leaves a message. Kevin doesn’t know if Javier even listens to those messages, but he can hope. He goes to Javier’s apartment some days, but not often. The door never opens for him, and he’s left standing in the hallway.
But it goes on for too long, and Kevin can’t bear the silence anymore. He bangs on the door and he knows Javier’s in there, and when he still refuses to see him, Kevin just sits down and waits. He talks, loud enough for Javier to hear, he knows, because the neighbours down the hall are yelling at him to be quiet, but he keeps going.
The door flies open suddenly, and Kevin’s head jerks up surprise.
“Don’t you ever shut up?”
Kevin lifts his chin. “I’d shut up if you’d just listen to me.”
Javier snorts, says, “That doesn’t even make sense, man,” but he steps to the side and jerks his head at the door.
It’s not much, but it’s something, and that’s all Kevin needs right now. However little it may be, Javi is talking, and Kevin’s been waiting to hear for so long now.