Return of the ex
I'm not mad at anyone. I don't hate Ryley's ex, Sam. I really don't. At first I was so jealous and upset about her talking to him again I wanted to kill her or something. I was a bitch and thought I was really cool for tellin her off. Well, it wasn't cool, it was really immature.
The fact that she hurt him and treated him like shit on more than one occasion doesn't make me happy. I mean, who wouldn't be upset seeing the person they love most hurt by someone. Anyway, after I played the role of the bitchy gf she stopped talking to him for awhile. I made her feel like shit, and I know I did. Like I said, it was my intention at the time and I took pride in that fact.
Tonight she came back and started talking to him again. When told that I needed to go online by Ryley I knew something was up. Figured it was Sam related, all online drama usually is. After reading their entire conversation, which definitely disturbed me, I came to the conclusion that I wanted to talk to Sam myself. I knew she was upset and hurt by the situation, that being she wasn't allowed to talk to him by my request. I wasn't upset that she IMed him, she respected my request for the most part and I honestly think that she was sincere in what she said tonight. She did feel bad about hurting him and treating him like shit. I'm sure she has changed since they dated.
My biggest problem with Sam talking to Ryley is the fact that I don't know her very well, nor does he. All we have to judge her by is what did happen in the past... and yes, it was in the past. But nonetheless it did happen, it hurt Ryley and he and I had to work hard to make our relationship work and to get over the things that kept us from being happy together. Things that were caused from our past relationships and ex's hurting us. Not only things with Sam, but she did and does affect my relationship with Ryley.
Anyway, so tonight I decided to talk to her on my own. I wasn't going to be a bitch and I didnt' really know what to say to her. I just wanted to talk and hear her side of things and all. So I did just that, after apologizing for being a bitch last time we talked, I just asked her what was up and how she was feeling. She was sincere, at least from the impression I got.
She was very sorry for hurting Ryley, and while wanting to have a friendship with him now to make up for the past, I still am not okay with that. I know she hurt him and I can't trust her enough to risk letting her talk to him again. I mean, in reality it isn't my call, but I am not okay with it if they do still talk. She may not try to hurt him, but it's gonna happen, it's who she is. She's not a bad person, she is a very sweet girl, good intentions, and sorry for the past. But sometimes ya just gotta let it go. You can't make up for what was done, once an apology has been made, sometimes it's just better to let it go. She apologized and meant it, and she respects my wishes, I honestly thank her for that and respect her for that.
I am in the process of writing notes to the people that mean the most to me, also those who were involved with me and my ex, Roy, last year. Because of my relationship with him I hurt a lot of people, through lying and just everything. I want to make my apologies and let it go. I won't talk to Roy anymore. As hard as it is for me to let go, it's something that has to be done. Even if Ryley allows for me to talk to Roy, which he does, I know he's not comfortable with it. So why should I? The hardest thing for me about it is that I'm still friends with my ex's or those I've had that kind of relationship with. I get along and remain in touch with them all. Except Roy. It's hard to accept that. Nothing bad happened to make us hate each other but yet keeping in touch just isn't right. It makes it hard. But I love Ryley more than anything, I know he doens't like my talking to Roy, and rightfully so. He doesn't want me to get hurt, or to be around someone that affected our relationship.... just like I feel about Sam. Although I don't hate Sam for hurting Ryley, she apologized and I feel she meant it. An apology is an honest effort, and her respecting my wish for her to leave him alone, proves her sincere apology. If she really does stop talking to him, then I know she's sorry. Until she proves me wrong, I forgive her. Completely. Roy has yet to grow up and be as mature as Sam, and earn that level of respect.
In any case, I'm not mad, just a little frustrated. I do not feel bad for Sam, unfortunate that she can't keep in touch with Ryland, but she hurt him and consequences suck. But she apologized so no room for hate. He does feel bad for her, he said it. Although he changed it and said it was because he felt bad she was tryin to seduce him but failing... that's not what he meant at first. He really does feel bad, and that's totally alright. He has a heart, and he cares about people. He doesn't hate. There was a time when he cared about her and rightfully so, it only makes sense for him to feel some sort of sympathy now. But I just don't want him tryin to cover it by sayin something else in fear I'll get upset. Because I am not. There are times, when I too, feel bad for Roy and for making a mess outta his life last year. But that doesn't mean I want to go and give him a hug and cry in his arms full of apology. Nope. I feel bad for the bad shit that happened but life goes on, he got his apologies when and if he deserved them, and so long as I haven't gotten mine from him... he's an ass. No respect for him. Sam apologized. Respect for her. But not sympathy because Ryland did nothing wrong to her. The hurt all came from her. No sympathy.
I love you Ryley. I always will. No matter what. I respect your ex and she meant her apology in my opinion. Until she proves me wrong... no hate. I'm okay with her.
The fact that she hurt him and treated him like shit on more than one occasion doesn't make me happy. I mean, who wouldn't be upset seeing the person they love most hurt by someone. Anyway, after I played the role of the bitchy gf she stopped talking to him for awhile. I made her feel like shit, and I know I did. Like I said, it was my intention at the time and I took pride in that fact.
Tonight she came back and started talking to him again. When told that I needed to go online by Ryley I knew something was up. Figured it was Sam related, all online drama usually is. After reading their entire conversation, which definitely disturbed me, I came to the conclusion that I wanted to talk to Sam myself. I knew she was upset and hurt by the situation, that being she wasn't allowed to talk to him by my request. I wasn't upset that she IMed him, she respected my request for the most part and I honestly think that she was sincere in what she said tonight. She did feel bad about hurting him and treating him like shit. I'm sure she has changed since they dated.
My biggest problem with Sam talking to Ryley is the fact that I don't know her very well, nor does he. All we have to judge her by is what did happen in the past... and yes, it was in the past. But nonetheless it did happen, it hurt Ryley and he and I had to work hard to make our relationship work and to get over the things that kept us from being happy together. Things that were caused from our past relationships and ex's hurting us. Not only things with Sam, but she did and does affect my relationship with Ryley.
Anyway, so tonight I decided to talk to her on my own. I wasn't going to be a bitch and I didnt' really know what to say to her. I just wanted to talk and hear her side of things and all. So I did just that, after apologizing for being a bitch last time we talked, I just asked her what was up and how she was feeling. She was sincere, at least from the impression I got.
She was very sorry for hurting Ryley, and while wanting to have a friendship with him now to make up for the past, I still am not okay with that. I know she hurt him and I can't trust her enough to risk letting her talk to him again. I mean, in reality it isn't my call, but I am not okay with it if they do still talk. She may not try to hurt him, but it's gonna happen, it's who she is. She's not a bad person, she is a very sweet girl, good intentions, and sorry for the past. But sometimes ya just gotta let it go. You can't make up for what was done, once an apology has been made, sometimes it's just better to let it go. She apologized and meant it, and she respects my wishes, I honestly thank her for that and respect her for that.
I am in the process of writing notes to the people that mean the most to me, also those who were involved with me and my ex, Roy, last year. Because of my relationship with him I hurt a lot of people, through lying and just everything. I want to make my apologies and let it go. I won't talk to Roy anymore. As hard as it is for me to let go, it's something that has to be done. Even if Ryley allows for me to talk to Roy, which he does, I know he's not comfortable with it. So why should I? The hardest thing for me about it is that I'm still friends with my ex's or those I've had that kind of relationship with. I get along and remain in touch with them all. Except Roy. It's hard to accept that. Nothing bad happened to make us hate each other but yet keeping in touch just isn't right. It makes it hard. But I love Ryley more than anything, I know he doens't like my talking to Roy, and rightfully so. He doesn't want me to get hurt, or to be around someone that affected our relationship.... just like I feel about Sam. Although I don't hate Sam for hurting Ryley, she apologized and I feel she meant it. An apology is an honest effort, and her respecting my wish for her to leave him alone, proves her sincere apology. If she really does stop talking to him, then I know she's sorry. Until she proves me wrong, I forgive her. Completely. Roy has yet to grow up and be as mature as Sam, and earn that level of respect.
In any case, I'm not mad, just a little frustrated. I do not feel bad for Sam, unfortunate that she can't keep in touch with Ryland, but she hurt him and consequences suck. But she apologized so no room for hate. He does feel bad for her, he said it. Although he changed it and said it was because he felt bad she was tryin to seduce him but failing... that's not what he meant at first. He really does feel bad, and that's totally alright. He has a heart, and he cares about people. He doesn't hate. There was a time when he cared about her and rightfully so, it only makes sense for him to feel some sort of sympathy now. But I just don't want him tryin to cover it by sayin something else in fear I'll get upset. Because I am not. There are times, when I too, feel bad for Roy and for making a mess outta his life last year. But that doesn't mean I want to go and give him a hug and cry in his arms full of apology. Nope. I feel bad for the bad shit that happened but life goes on, he got his apologies when and if he deserved them, and so long as I haven't gotten mine from him... he's an ass. No respect for him. Sam apologized. Respect for her. But not sympathy because Ryland did nothing wrong to her. The hurt all came from her. No sympathy.
I love you Ryley. I always will. No matter what. I respect your ex and she meant her apology in my opinion. Until she proves me wrong... no hate. I'm okay with her.