Panic Attacks
o I was looking thru some other people's live journals and noticed something... Is it me or do I just write really long entries per day? I guess I figure that this is my only site so far that I have anything to do with, so what the heck! I am gonna make it chock full of my BS. Hehehe
Funny thing, I didn't remember falling asleep on the bed last nite. The last I remember was that I went out to the livingroom and hung out with Danny as he played his John Madden football on the PS2. I think I fell asleep on the couch, I dunno. But I do faintly remember Danny mumbling something to me and having to drag myself to bed..hmm... I guess that was it then. Dang! I didn't know that I was that beat ass!
I was woken up at about 12:30 last nite, or shall I say this morning. Danny was telling me that he couldn't sleep and that he was going to sleep in the other room where it was cooler. I asked him what was wrong and he told me that he was tossing and turning in bed because he was very uncomfortable. The first thing that came to mind was that he was having one of his panic attacks...just like his dad would. I heard it is hereditary. The last time I remember Danny telling me he was having a panic attack was like almost a year ago. But then again, I just finished reading his post on panic attacks on RBJ and saw that he has been having other attacks like once every month...That was the first that I heard about that! He just had to post it for everyone to see but couldn't tell his own wife. It worries me when he gets like that. He hides a lot of shit from me when it comes to anything that has to do with his health, he tends to hide things, period. I absolutely hate it when he does that!! He says that he doesn't tell me because I often overly worry about it and he thinks it isn't worth me worrying abt him...Hell! Why shouldn't I? He is my husband after all. Should I not have the right to worry about him?! I hate it when people keep things from me, first of all!
I have always told him everything that has been going on with me, and trust me, I'm not a 100% healthy, happy person, but I still tell him. The thing with him is that he acts like it's not a big deal at all and he doesn't worry about it til DRASTIC comes up. So the few times I was in the ER for things, he has always sat there and laffed it up and made jokes...made me feel like he didn't care and all he did is shrug things off.
My whole point is that when Danny goes through these episodes I feel pretty helpless. I ask him if he wants me to help him with anything but he sits there and just tells me that he needs to "cool off"...I wish that there were more that I can do. He really needs to see a psych doc to see what they tell him and the specialty clinic here can probably shine more light on things.
Someone mentioned that if maybe Danny went thru some trauma in his life. All I can say is for as funny and goofy as Danny may be, he has been through so much. It's like all of his past was dark and forgotten, closed off. Only the good and fun stuff from his past he tends to bring up and remember.
Maybe it is all hereditary? His dad went thru a whole slew of episodes while their stay here for a month and a half. Papasan (As Danny would call his dad) would often sit out in the livingroom at nite and read til he fell asleep or he would go out for a drive for a length of time, or he would just sit outside and breathe in the night air. I saw a lot of what my mother in law had to go thru when Papasan was out cooling off. She told me that he had been like that for so many years. It's all pretty scary. She also told me that there is really nothing that we could do when they go through these episodes but to give them their space. I just wish I could snap it out of Danny so he wouldn't have to go thru something like that anymore.
I just wish he were more upfront with me about things like this...no matter what my reaction will be. He just doesn't understand that I have the right to worry about him. *sigh*
On a happier note, Molly is being such a little chatter box! I'm so proud of her that she has that capability now, she is just a smart little girl. Yesterday she did nothing but repeat a lot of the words that I would say. When I picked up Danny with the ONE CAR that we are sharing, I told him the news and he grinned. We sat there in the car asking Molly to repeat different words. One of the words that she said well was "BOOTY"! HAHAHA! And this morning, while she was doing the kimchee squat, she kept saying, "BOOTY! BOOTY!" Thanks to Danny she learned a nice "wholesome" word. =0) jeez...
I just want to thank the handful of you that read my journal and have been commenting. It really means a lot to me. Before, I just have been pretty paranoid abt what I write and how I write...I still do, it's just that I write what is on my mind, I guess. I try to be true to myself and what I write. I am not really here to impress anyone. I am not really ready to announce it to the world abt this journal just yet. But you know.. Good thing that I am not on Danny's list of reads on his site, I don't really want to be either. You know why? His DAD reads his journal and if he knew mine existed and saw how bad of a mouth I have...I think he would kill me...Hehe.
Thanks for visiting!
{{HUG}}
~Joc~
Funny thing, I didn't remember falling asleep on the bed last nite. The last I remember was that I went out to the livingroom and hung out with Danny as he played his John Madden football on the PS2. I think I fell asleep on the couch, I dunno. But I do faintly remember Danny mumbling something to me and having to drag myself to bed..hmm... I guess that was it then. Dang! I didn't know that I was that beat ass!
I was woken up at about 12:30 last nite, or shall I say this morning. Danny was telling me that he couldn't sleep and that he was going to sleep in the other room where it was cooler. I asked him what was wrong and he told me that he was tossing and turning in bed because he was very uncomfortable. The first thing that came to mind was that he was having one of his panic attacks...just like his dad would. I heard it is hereditary. The last time I remember Danny telling me he was having a panic attack was like almost a year ago. But then again, I just finished reading his post on panic attacks on RBJ and saw that he has been having other attacks like once every month...That was the first that I heard about that! He just had to post it for everyone to see but couldn't tell his own wife. It worries me when he gets like that. He hides a lot of shit from me when it comes to anything that has to do with his health, he tends to hide things, period. I absolutely hate it when he does that!! He says that he doesn't tell me because I often overly worry about it and he thinks it isn't worth me worrying abt him...Hell! Why shouldn't I? He is my husband after all. Should I not have the right to worry about him?! I hate it when people keep things from me, first of all!
I have always told him everything that has been going on with me, and trust me, I'm not a 100% healthy, happy person, but I still tell him. The thing with him is that he acts like it's not a big deal at all and he doesn't worry about it til DRASTIC comes up. So the few times I was in the ER for things, he has always sat there and laffed it up and made jokes...made me feel like he didn't care and all he did is shrug things off.
My whole point is that when Danny goes through these episodes I feel pretty helpless. I ask him if he wants me to help him with anything but he sits there and just tells me that he needs to "cool off"...I wish that there were more that I can do. He really needs to see a psych doc to see what they tell him and the specialty clinic here can probably shine more light on things.
Someone mentioned that if maybe Danny went thru some trauma in his life. All I can say is for as funny and goofy as Danny may be, he has been through so much. It's like all of his past was dark and forgotten, closed off. Only the good and fun stuff from his past he tends to bring up and remember.
Maybe it is all hereditary? His dad went thru a whole slew of episodes while their stay here for a month and a half. Papasan (As Danny would call his dad) would often sit out in the livingroom at nite and read til he fell asleep or he would go out for a drive for a length of time, or he would just sit outside and breathe in the night air. I saw a lot of what my mother in law had to go thru when Papasan was out cooling off. She told me that he had been like that for so many years. It's all pretty scary. She also told me that there is really nothing that we could do when they go through these episodes but to give them their space. I just wish I could snap it out of Danny so he wouldn't have to go thru something like that anymore.
I just wish he were more upfront with me about things like this...no matter what my reaction will be. He just doesn't understand that I have the right to worry about him. *sigh*
On a happier note, Molly is being such a little chatter box! I'm so proud of her that she has that capability now, she is just a smart little girl. Yesterday she did nothing but repeat a lot of the words that I would say. When I picked up Danny with the ONE CAR that we are sharing, I told him the news and he grinned. We sat there in the car asking Molly to repeat different words. One of the words that she said well was "BOOTY"! HAHAHA! And this morning, while she was doing the kimchee squat, she kept saying, "BOOTY! BOOTY!" Thanks to Danny she learned a nice "wholesome" word. =0) jeez...
I just want to thank the handful of you that read my journal and have been commenting. It really means a lot to me. Before, I just have been pretty paranoid abt what I write and how I write...I still do, it's just that I write what is on my mind, I guess. I try to be true to myself and what I write. I am not really here to impress anyone. I am not really ready to announce it to the world abt this journal just yet. But you know.. Good thing that I am not on Danny's list of reads on his site, I don't really want to be either. You know why? His DAD reads his journal and if he knew mine existed and saw how bad of a mouth I have...I think he would kill me...Hehe.
Thanks for visiting!
{{HUG}}
~Joc~