Just another Manic Monday...
YAY! Hooray for me! I actually came in on time today! But as usual, I am extremely tired ass. didn't get to sleep til about 2 in the a.m. I guess you will be noticing a theme throughout this journal...Jocelyn is always tired.
I put Molly to bed last nite after calming her down after a temper tantrum she was having. Yesterday I had such a great time with her. She and I played a lot together without Danny around. It was nice because I had her all to myself. We had tried out her cheap little $5 pool that Danny bitched about getting her It's amazing how much my little girl has been growing so fast and developing so quickly. She is even starting to repeat soo many more words that she used to. Looks like I have to really watch my mouth around her, having her walk around the house saying "Sit Sit Sit" as opposed to "shit Shit Shit" is not a really good thing. Yes, I admit I have a sailor mouth and I told myself that I would try my hardest to keep that under wraps when I Molly is around...I think that I have been doing pretty good, but sometimes I think it's just so part of me that it slips from time to time. Dang I curse more than Danny does! Me bad...
Damn.. am I boring or what? Anyhoo...Danny and I stayed up last nite about a lot of the stuff that has been bothering the both of us. The problem is that we are both stressed about a lot of things and a lot of our problems have been arising from one major thing: His parents.
We talked last nite and didn't know alot that has been going on on our ends so it felt good to know that Danny actually was listening to me instead of cackling uncontrollably about anything and everything. That was it, it's his defense mechanism.
Something he told me last nite totally boggled my mind. I didn't have the slightest clue that he was hating life as much as he did with his parents around. He also was struggling the past month and a hlaf or so trying to figure out a way that he could tell his parents that he did not want all of us to be living under the same roof next summer! I didn't know he felt that way! I just assumed that it is going to happen.
His parents are not bad people, don't get me wrong. I love them for all that they have done for us and they have gone above and beyond what the they have done!! It's just that they don't understand that we are not them, we can never ever be like them. We live separate lives and we do things at a different pace...maybe much slower than them because of the fact that Danny and I have full time jobs, as opposed to staying home all day like they do, cleaning and doing housey house stuff. Danny did say that they LOVE my cooking...YAY! little do they know I don't even cook half as much as they think that i do...I be lazy. But I guess in the long run we have saved a lot of $$ not eating out as much.
What bothers me about his parents is the fact that they don't make me feel involved with some of the decisons that they have to make for the house. They have told Danny that they have tried... I think a number of...ONCE. One day they invited ppl over to have us take a look at screened in pations for the backyard! And I didn't even know that they were coming over! On top of that I was sick as shit! I Was the one to get up off my bed from being friggin sick as hell and going to work all day so that I could look at something I didn't even want or was interested in??? Does that even make any sense? On top of that they are the ones that wanted to US 15 years for a fuckin patio??? What the fuck? The trees are another thing...They plopped down 5 fuckin trees in our itty bitty front yard now you can barely see the damn house! Were danny and i included on what type of trees would be good to plop in front of the house?? they basically make any decison they want without including us in on it... Pisses the shit out of me!
Calm now...2 weeks dammmmnnnnit...2 weeks...breathe in breathe out...
Hopefully things between Danny and I will get better after they leave so we could really tackle what the hell it is that is gong on between us. He feels neglected and I feel neglected... things aren't the same..blah blah blah. I know things will work out, somehow...in some way...
He told me last nite that he feels that he doesn't like a certain good friend of mine bec of the fact that I spend too much time with that person. But it's not only that person, he told me it could be anyone. he would not like any person that I would spend more time with than with him. For once in our lives together...Danny is actually a jealous man. Who would of thunk it?? What he doesn't understand is that Sashi has been there for me and has made me laff and be silly just so they could see me happy, I feel a great sense of warmth and comfort from having him as my friend, something that is difficult for me to find in a friend. he's been there for me in ways that he doesn't even know. Sashi likes to see me be happy in life and simply seeing me smile. Truthfully, I don't think I could ever be 100% happy, not because of the things around me that make me have an actual "life"... but the fact that I could never really be happy with myself, I guess I never have been. i don't even think that I am ever really true with myself. I will always have this huge void in my life that I need to fill, I just don't know what it is and it is kicking my ass. Once upon a time I thought being in a true relationship where someone actually truly and deeply loves me and having a child would fill that void, but why is it that I still don't feel complete? Wish someone could tell me. Am I even making any fuckin sense? blah!
I feel funny now probably because i secretly have an audience bec of the fact that Danny took it upon himself to tell some people about this journal that I have... YOU GUYS KNOW WHO YOU ARE! STOP HIDING! MIKE? MARKY MARK maybe? DANNY TOLD ME ABOUT YOU GUYS! I know that I have told like a handful people. Oh well the secrets out... gotta tell the rest of the world how suck ass I write..Jeez...This is nice though... having a place to vent and rant on and on and on. I guess this is good to have for myself. Well for you guys out thereif you guys don't like what I write... then get the hell out of here! This place isn't for you! Teehee!
I will be asking Danny for more help on making my journal better looking bec it looks pretty bleck right now. I love taking pictures so there will be more on here so stay tuned oh and links too...Thanks to those of your for visiting... must go back to work now! Toodles
I put Molly to bed last nite after calming her down after a temper tantrum she was having. Yesterday I had such a great time with her. She and I played a lot together without Danny around. It was nice because I had her all to myself. We had tried out her cheap little $5 pool that Danny bitched about getting her It's amazing how much my little girl has been growing so fast and developing so quickly. She is even starting to repeat soo many more words that she used to. Looks like I have to really watch my mouth around her, having her walk around the house saying "Sit Sit Sit" as opposed to "shit Shit Shit" is not a really good thing. Yes, I admit I have a sailor mouth and I told myself that I would try my hardest to keep that under wraps when I Molly is around...I think that I have been doing pretty good, but sometimes I think it's just so part of me that it slips from time to time. Dang I curse more than Danny does! Me bad...
Damn.. am I boring or what? Anyhoo...Danny and I stayed up last nite about a lot of the stuff that has been bothering the both of us. The problem is that we are both stressed about a lot of things and a lot of our problems have been arising from one major thing: His parents.
We talked last nite and didn't know alot that has been going on on our ends so it felt good to know that Danny actually was listening to me instead of cackling uncontrollably about anything and everything. That was it, it's his defense mechanism.
Something he told me last nite totally boggled my mind. I didn't have the slightest clue that he was hating life as much as he did with his parents around. He also was struggling the past month and a hlaf or so trying to figure out a way that he could tell his parents that he did not want all of us to be living under the same roof next summer! I didn't know he felt that way! I just assumed that it is going to happen.
His parents are not bad people, don't get me wrong. I love them for all that they have done for us and they have gone above and beyond what the they have done!! It's just that they don't understand that we are not them, we can never ever be like them. We live separate lives and we do things at a different pace...maybe much slower than them because of the fact that Danny and I have full time jobs, as opposed to staying home all day like they do, cleaning and doing housey house stuff. Danny did say that they LOVE my cooking...YAY! little do they know I don't even cook half as much as they think that i do...I be lazy. But I guess in the long run we have saved a lot of $$ not eating out as much.
What bothers me about his parents is the fact that they don't make me feel involved with some of the decisons that they have to make for the house. They have told Danny that they have tried... I think a number of...ONCE. One day they invited ppl over to have us take a look at screened in pations for the backyard! And I didn't even know that they were coming over! On top of that I was sick as shit! I Was the one to get up off my bed from being friggin sick as hell and going to work all day so that I could look at something I didn't even want or was interested in??? Does that even make any sense? On top of that they are the ones that wanted to US 15 years for a fuckin patio??? What the fuck? The trees are another thing...They plopped down 5 fuckin trees in our itty bitty front yard now you can barely see the damn house! Were danny and i included on what type of trees would be good to plop in front of the house?? they basically make any decison they want without including us in on it... Pisses the shit out of me!
Calm now...2 weeks dammmmnnnnit...2 weeks...breathe in breathe out...
Hopefully things between Danny and I will get better after they leave so we could really tackle what the hell it is that is gong on between us. He feels neglected and I feel neglected... things aren't the same..blah blah blah. I know things will work out, somehow...in some way...
He told me last nite that he feels that he doesn't like a certain good friend of mine bec of the fact that I spend too much time with that person. But it's not only that person, he told me it could be anyone. he would not like any person that I would spend more time with than with him. For once in our lives together...Danny is actually a jealous man. Who would of thunk it?? What he doesn't understand is that Sashi has been there for me and has made me laff and be silly just so they could see me happy, I feel a great sense of warmth and comfort from having him as my friend, something that is difficult for me to find in a friend. he's been there for me in ways that he doesn't even know. Sashi likes to see me be happy in life and simply seeing me smile. Truthfully, I don't think I could ever be 100% happy, not because of the things around me that make me have an actual "life"... but the fact that I could never really be happy with myself, I guess I never have been. i don't even think that I am ever really true with myself. I will always have this huge void in my life that I need to fill, I just don't know what it is and it is kicking my ass. Once upon a time I thought being in a true relationship where someone actually truly and deeply loves me and having a child would fill that void, but why is it that I still don't feel complete? Wish someone could tell me. Am I even making any fuckin sense? blah!
I feel funny now probably because i secretly have an audience bec of the fact that Danny took it upon himself to tell some people about this journal that I have... YOU GUYS KNOW WHO YOU ARE! STOP HIDING! MIKE? MARKY MARK maybe? DANNY TOLD ME ABOUT YOU GUYS! I know that I have told like a handful people. Oh well the secrets out... gotta tell the rest of the world how suck ass I write..Jeez...This is nice though... having a place to vent and rant on and on and on. I guess this is good to have for myself. Well for you guys out thereif you guys don't like what I write... then get the hell out of here! This place isn't for you! Teehee!
I will be asking Danny for more help on making my journal better looking bec it looks pretty bleck right now. I love taking pictures so there will be more on here so stay tuned oh and links too...Thanks to those of your for visiting... must go back to work now! Toodles