embarrassing
archive.org is a pretty remarkable thing. Basically, it archives almost the entire web and holds on to it in perpetuity. I just found an old blog of mine from early 2001 I'd forgotten about but rediscovered when Google launched the time capsule search for their tenth anniversary.
And, really, it's pretty embarrassing. It's right around the end of the troglodyte's reign of terror... just after I'd turned 21. I've always been ahead of the curve when it comes to people my age, but holy shit, was I stupid. Completely clueless about affairs of the heart or emotion (which I still kind of am, but I'm smart enough to disengage until I figure it out)... though every once in a while able to string together a cogent thought. That was back when I was writing songs, too. Some were fucking dumb, but there are some genuinely insightful turns of phrase mixed in there. I've gotta wonder what might have been sometimes. My life was completely restarting at that one moment, and just thinking about a left turn I may have taken when I could have swerved right... who knows? That funny smelling old apartment in Astoria with Jim and Jaime. A couple of entries about discovering Blu with Tekay, and meeting Gregory and building his site (which wound up driving quite a bit of business my way for a little bit).
That was seven years ago.
Next month, it will have been ten years since I moved to NYC. I wish I could have stayed...even just a bit longer. A lot of people who made up my life there have moved on as well since I left. Every time I go back there seems to be one less person to see. This one's in San Fran, that one's in DC, the other's in Vegas, he died, she's a Scientologist... it's depressing to learn that there are some things in life you'll never get back. But that, in turn, makes you appreciate the other things which stick around that much more.
And, really, it's pretty embarrassing. It's right around the end of the troglodyte's reign of terror... just after I'd turned 21. I've always been ahead of the curve when it comes to people my age, but holy shit, was I stupid. Completely clueless about affairs of the heart or emotion (which I still kind of am, but I'm smart enough to disengage until I figure it out)... though every once in a while able to string together a cogent thought. That was back when I was writing songs, too. Some were fucking dumb, but there are some genuinely insightful turns of phrase mixed in there. I've gotta wonder what might have been sometimes. My life was completely restarting at that one moment, and just thinking about a left turn I may have taken when I could have swerved right... who knows? That funny smelling old apartment in Astoria with Jim and Jaime. A couple of entries about discovering Blu with Tekay, and meeting Gregory and building his site (which wound up driving quite a bit of business my way for a little bit).
That was seven years ago.
Next month, it will have been ten years since I moved to NYC. I wish I could have stayed...even just a bit longer. A lot of people who made up my life there have moved on as well since I left. Every time I go back there seems to be one less person to see. This one's in San Fran, that one's in DC, the other's in Vegas, he died, she's a Scientologist... it's depressing to learn that there are some things in life you'll never get back. But that, in turn, makes you appreciate the other things which stick around that much more.