(no subject)
Ladies and Gentlemen I'm tired. And I don't mean that I'm tired of work, that I'm tired of school, or that I'm tired of relationships, or anything of that nature.....
I'm just fucking tired.
I can't get any sleep. I've tried, trust me. I'll snuggle into bed at a normal hour, but I don't end up getting shuteye till 4:30 or 5 in the morning. I admit its probably not a good idea to take down a soda or two before calling it a night, but fuck it, I like keeping my body on it's toes. I'm a badass. And my body knows it. If I'm sick, I'll just let the virus run it's course. That way, my body won't be such a pussy the next time. It's simple really. If I play my cards right I hope to get a STD soon, that way if I ever do cross the path of big bad AIDS.....I'll be ready.
And if I DO happen to get caught with some type of terminal illness, its not all thatttt bad. There's always the Make A Wish Foundation. It's always good to have a wish ready just in case, so if anyone out there doesn't have one, better get to it. Me...I have my wish already lined up. My dying wish would be to host Saturday Night Live. I've even got my monologue planned out:
"Hey everyone, my name is Jay Butt and I'm glad to be hear hosting Saturday Night Live. I'm actually glad to be anywhere these days, cause I'm about to die!! Yes, yes, thanks to Make A Wish Foundation I'm able to live out my dream of being on Saturday Night Live. You know, the doctors told me the tumor will take over my brain in the next few days, so I guess this is my fifteen BAHGLNGOH.
(Falls to floor and dies.)
Sike! Justttt kidding. Yes, yes, you guys thought I died. But the only dying going on tonight will be you guys....dying from laughing! Seriously we got a great show tonight, the Black Eyed Peas are here! Oh God Tumor take me now!"
Yea...something like that.
I should go to bed soon, but I'm worried. I worry every night when I flip through the channels. Everywhere I go, I stumble upon Girls Gone Wild infomercials. And you have no idea how hard it is not to masterbate. I mean...it's an opportune time. It's dark, everyones asleep, and since its usually morning when I'm watching this I have morning wood. However, try as I may, it's very hard to get excited when a girls tits are covered with pulsating stars and an announcer screaming "$9.99!! $9.99!! $9.99 gets you two videos of college girls showing off all their girly parts for you to jerk off to! Their hot, their horny, and they're drunk! which means they signed this waiver just for you! Call now!" So I just stare...and wonder why Nickelodeon took Mr. Wizard off the air....
Damn you Nickelodeon. Damn you.
I'm just fucking tired.
I can't get any sleep. I've tried, trust me. I'll snuggle into bed at a normal hour, but I don't end up getting shuteye till 4:30 or 5 in the morning. I admit its probably not a good idea to take down a soda or two before calling it a night, but fuck it, I like keeping my body on it's toes. I'm a badass. And my body knows it. If I'm sick, I'll just let the virus run it's course. That way, my body won't be such a pussy the next time. It's simple really. If I play my cards right I hope to get a STD soon, that way if I ever do cross the path of big bad AIDS.....I'll be ready.
And if I DO happen to get caught with some type of terminal illness, its not all thatttt bad. There's always the Make A Wish Foundation. It's always good to have a wish ready just in case, so if anyone out there doesn't have one, better get to it. Me...I have my wish already lined up. My dying wish would be to host Saturday Night Live. I've even got my monologue planned out:
"Hey everyone, my name is Jay Butt and I'm glad to be hear hosting Saturday Night Live. I'm actually glad to be anywhere these days, cause I'm about to die!! Yes, yes, thanks to Make A Wish Foundation I'm able to live out my dream of being on Saturday Night Live. You know, the doctors told me the tumor will take over my brain in the next few days, so I guess this is my fifteen BAHGLNGOH.
(Falls to floor and dies.)
Sike! Justttt kidding. Yes, yes, you guys thought I died. But the only dying going on tonight will be you guys....dying from laughing! Seriously we got a great show tonight, the Black Eyed Peas are here! Oh God Tumor take me now!"
Yea...something like that.
I should go to bed soon, but I'm worried. I worry every night when I flip through the channels. Everywhere I go, I stumble upon Girls Gone Wild infomercials. And you have no idea how hard it is not to masterbate. I mean...it's an opportune time. It's dark, everyones asleep, and since its usually morning when I'm watching this I have morning wood. However, try as I may, it's very hard to get excited when a girls tits are covered with pulsating stars and an announcer screaming "$9.99!! $9.99!! $9.99 gets you two videos of college girls showing off all their girly parts for you to jerk off to! Their hot, their horny, and they're drunk! which means they signed this waiver just for you! Call now!" So I just stare...and wonder why Nickelodeon took Mr. Wizard off the air....
Damn you Nickelodeon. Damn you.