Wow...
It's probably about time I update this. I haven't forgotten about this journal. I check it everyday, actually. Lack of updates actually falls under the category of "Ali has no life".
Seriously, I have done nothing of importance, nothing notable has happened. Still jobless. My anxiety and agoraphobia has gotten worse over the past few months despite my meds.I'm just getting more and more frustrated at myself, my lack of a job, and lack of money. I just feel kinda worthless.
I've been spending a lot of time on Twitter. I watch a lot of people from Marvel, which started off as just away to keep updated as to what was going on in comics... and has now disintegrated into pathetic thoughts that someday one of them will acknowledge me and has re-ignited my dream of making comics for them, which in itself is a bit detrimental to my self-esteem, because while I know I'm improving vastly since I started drawing again, I get the thoughts that I'll never be good enough.
I really don't mean to be a downer. Maybe it's the Sudafed doing something weird. This is just the way I've been feeling lately.
I've put in so many applications, have almost everyone there looking for my name to get through the hundreds of apps, and yet I still haven't gotten a callback. Makes me wonder what about me makes me one of the look-overs. Yeah, I don't have a degree but my skills and experience should equal. I've been a clerk, a manager,done data entry, managed big bank accounts, was a security guard...
I'm fluent in computer imaging programs, know 2 OS and how to manage both PCs and Mac...and know countless other programs.
I'm friendly, hard working, do plenty of great things on my own time...
WHAT MAKES ME NOT QUALIFIED?
This economy sucks. The only things truly available are flipping burgers, and I cannot do that with my nerve problems. Standing for that long hurts a NORMAL person, imagine how I'd feel. I'd take 3 days to recover!
I've seriously been debating disability, as much as I don't want to. With my anxiety alone, I'd likely qualify...I just don't know what else to do. I've had so many days where my muscles or nerves have been so bad, I can hardly move, or I've been floored by a headache that lasts for days. How am I going to manage a normal job like this?
I dunno. I just...feel so worthless. I want to help support myself, I want the capability to save and buy things I want. I want to be able to visit family and friends. I want to be able to spoil Josh as much as he spoils me.
WTF? Seriously, life, give me something I can manage. I'm tired of trying so hard and getting nothing.
Seriously, I have done nothing of importance, nothing notable has happened. Still jobless. My anxiety and agoraphobia has gotten worse over the past few months despite my meds.I'm just getting more and more frustrated at myself, my lack of a job, and lack of money. I just feel kinda worthless.
I've been spending a lot of time on Twitter. I watch a lot of people from Marvel, which started off as just away to keep updated as to what was going on in comics... and has now disintegrated into pathetic thoughts that someday one of them will acknowledge me and has re-ignited my dream of making comics for them, which in itself is a bit detrimental to my self-esteem, because while I know I'm improving vastly since I started drawing again, I get the thoughts that I'll never be good enough.
I really don't mean to be a downer. Maybe it's the Sudafed doing something weird. This is just the way I've been feeling lately.
I've put in so many applications, have almost everyone there looking for my name to get through the hundreds of apps, and yet I still haven't gotten a callback. Makes me wonder what about me makes me one of the look-overs. Yeah, I don't have a degree but my skills and experience should equal. I've been a clerk, a manager,done data entry, managed big bank accounts, was a security guard...
I'm fluent in computer imaging programs, know 2 OS and how to manage both PCs and Mac...and know countless other programs.
I'm friendly, hard working, do plenty of great things on my own time...
WHAT MAKES ME NOT QUALIFIED?
This economy sucks. The only things truly available are flipping burgers, and I cannot do that with my nerve problems. Standing for that long hurts a NORMAL person, imagine how I'd feel. I'd take 3 days to recover!
I've seriously been debating disability, as much as I don't want to. With my anxiety alone, I'd likely qualify...I just don't know what else to do. I've had so many days where my muscles or nerves have been so bad, I can hardly move, or I've been floored by a headache that lasts for days. How am I going to manage a normal job like this?
I dunno. I just...feel so worthless. I want to help support myself, I want the capability to save and buy things I want. I want to be able to visit family and friends. I want to be able to spoil Josh as much as he spoils me.
WTF? Seriously, life, give me something I can manage. I'm tired of trying so hard and getting nothing.