one of my most honest entries
i guess before i start writing down my thoughts, i'm goiing to go smoke. my pain pill has kicked in and i am starting to get very sleepy. i hurt my back somehow last night before i went to chico and i'm still hurting. so here we go...
JOB SEARCH:
i guess i thought it would have been a little bit easier to find a job in the bay area, but it seems to be at a standstill. i'm still trying almost everyday to apply for jobs that will fulfill me more than my current job does. it's very frustrating. i guess i put a lot of hope in the boys and girls club, considering how long my interview was, my responses, and my interactions with the staff. i was hoping to have been hired already and planning to move. but, although i have not received the 'dear john' letter, there's still some hope, but i am figuring it's a big fat no.
i want to move so badly. looking into different options. looking into maybe even starting a different master's degree program (PR/Business). i just want something to happen.
LAST NIGHT IN CHICO:
i ended up sleeping with the cute and adorable little guy named jimmy. mostly it was just sleep. but there was other stuff as well. i think the best part was after the messing around was the cutest look on his face and as he put his head on my chest, there was a feeling there that i had not experienced in a long time. and we slept. and when i left today i got a kiss. i don't know, i guess i've just been thinking about it more and more as the day went on today. but, he was drunk and he's young. i'm assuming it was a one shot deal (pun not intended), but for the night it was wonderful. so. yeah.
SCOTT:
my friend scott always tends to pop in on my life when i least expect. it always tugs at the strings of my heart, but for now i am on the "no" side of the random acts of whatever. it's better for me that way. he can disconnect the sex from real feelings and although i can as well...the history between us makes it difficult.
BRYAN:
again, another person in my life that i miss dearly. i've never actually written about him so directly. after our two random encounters, the llttle bit of feelings that i had before grew. he is with someone else and is happy. so i should be happy for him. but i just feel as though he could do better. i guess that's a shitty thing to say, but it's what i think. i probably wouldn't have written this but since i've pretty much made our friendship awkward, and since he isn't reading this i am finally telling the truth.
and the truth is that even though when we are together he doesn't say much. his "self" is something i miss, and i miss him a lot.
JOB SEARCH:
i guess i thought it would have been a little bit easier to find a job in the bay area, but it seems to be at a standstill. i'm still trying almost everyday to apply for jobs that will fulfill me more than my current job does. it's very frustrating. i guess i put a lot of hope in the boys and girls club, considering how long my interview was, my responses, and my interactions with the staff. i was hoping to have been hired already and planning to move. but, although i have not received the 'dear john' letter, there's still some hope, but i am figuring it's a big fat no.
i want to move so badly. looking into different options. looking into maybe even starting a different master's degree program (PR/Business). i just want something to happen.
LAST NIGHT IN CHICO:
i ended up sleeping with the cute and adorable little guy named jimmy. mostly it was just sleep. but there was other stuff as well. i think the best part was after the messing around was the cutest look on his face and as he put his head on my chest, there was a feeling there that i had not experienced in a long time. and we slept. and when i left today i got a kiss. i don't know, i guess i've just been thinking about it more and more as the day went on today. but, he was drunk and he's young. i'm assuming it was a one shot deal (pun not intended), but for the night it was wonderful. so. yeah.
SCOTT:
my friend scott always tends to pop in on my life when i least expect. it always tugs at the strings of my heart, but for now i am on the "no" side of the random acts of whatever. it's better for me that way. he can disconnect the sex from real feelings and although i can as well...the history between us makes it difficult.
BRYAN:
again, another person in my life that i miss dearly. i've never actually written about him so directly. after our two random encounters, the llttle bit of feelings that i had before grew. he is with someone else and is happy. so i should be happy for him. but i just feel as though he could do better. i guess that's a shitty thing to say, but it's what i think. i probably wouldn't have written this but since i've pretty much made our friendship awkward, and since he isn't reading this i am finally telling the truth.
and the truth is that even though when we are together he doesn't say much. his "self" is something i miss, and i miss him a lot.