scream!
AHHHHHHHHHHHH! I'm done...so done. I'm tired of picking up everyone's slack. Being this person who must come to the rescue cuz no one else knows what to do. This GSA is going to crumble once the group that was here with me freshman year leaves...Not smoking is making this worse, but i cant, too much work done already to slip. I dont feel like i have that many "friends" anymore, and ones I do have, half of them i barely see unless were downtown drinking. i dont know if i'm drifting away or if i just dont have the time... I tend to alienate everyone... Seems counseling isnt helping, we discussed anti-depressants, and i need to look into that option. I want myself back, my head back, ME back! I feel so fuckin low all the time that i cant even get motivated to do simple things at times.
I'm so easily aggitated and i snap so easily, it isn't like me. its a constant carousel in my head, not letting things go, the questions that i dont know the answers too, they remain in my head, eventually its all going to get tangled and just snap. some nights I want shawn to come hold me, then nights i remember i hated the control he had over me, how mad he made me sometimes. I can deal with the loneliness...its least of my worries. I've learned to depend on myself and thats reliable to me. I'll find what I need in a man, relationship, love eventually, but not now, it can wait. I need to focus on graduating, my undergraduate thesis, grad school, those are the things important to me right now.
I just feel like i'm going to snap though, i feel i have no bend left.
AHHH...
I'm so easily aggitated and i snap so easily, it isn't like me. its a constant carousel in my head, not letting things go, the questions that i dont know the answers too, they remain in my head, eventually its all going to get tangled and just snap. some nights I want shawn to come hold me, then nights i remember i hated the control he had over me, how mad he made me sometimes. I can deal with the loneliness...its least of my worries. I've learned to depend on myself and thats reliable to me. I'll find what I need in a man, relationship, love eventually, but not now, it can wait. I need to focus on graduating, my undergraduate thesis, grad school, those are the things important to me right now.
I just feel like i'm going to snap though, i feel i have no bend left.
AHHH...