pessimistic
Im just really in the dumps right now. i went to the dentist yesterday cuz i could finally afford to. it cost me almost $200 just for xrays, and it was a matter of not really what needs to be done, but what DOESNT need to be done. I hate myself cuz of the way my teeth look, and its not like i neglected them, I guess i have bad genes, i dont know, but i need at least 4 crowns, 4 teeth pooled and fillings of course. just the crowns alone will cost around $2500, and the other teeth about $800 and then whatever the fuck else. you have no idea how much my teeth make me hate myself, m y body, thats just one of those issues of its never good enough, but this is different. I have all this money saved for a car, tied up in a CD and i cant take that cuz my car now wont make it if i waited on that, so where am i...no way to get anywhere or be in my 20s with fucked up teeth, more than they are now. I fucking hate this...just stirs up anger i have towards my mom, taking my college CD, all the SS, and leaving me with nothing...how i can love someone but be sooo fucking angry at them sometimes i dont understand.
i wanted to be able to buy gifts for people this year, real gifts, and cant get shit now, i havent been able to sell this laptop and almost got scammed when i thought it was sold. im not going to be able to help out thomas, i think it would just be easier to just give up, but i know i dont ever allow myself to.
i am looking into private student loans, but to get a good rate i need a cosigner, i asked ms dailey, and i feel its a lot to ask of her, i dont feel like i want to ask bill and rhonda, they already help me so much, and they may have to be cosigners when i put money down to buy a car. i hate feeling dependant on someone...but who the fuck to i go to. my family they help but with small stuff, which i do appreciate, but i dont know , im just fucking lost.
i wanted to be able to buy gifts for people this year, real gifts, and cant get shit now, i havent been able to sell this laptop and almost got scammed when i thought it was sold. im not going to be able to help out thomas, i think it would just be easier to just give up, but i know i dont ever allow myself to.
i am looking into private student loans, but to get a good rate i need a cosigner, i asked ms dailey, and i feel its a lot to ask of her, i dont feel like i want to ask bill and rhonda, they already help me so much, and they may have to be cosigners when i put money down to buy a car. i hate feeling dependant on someone...but who the fuck to i go to. my family they help but with small stuff, which i do appreciate, but i dont know , im just fucking lost.