Life...ugh...
This weekend...
Saw my other best friend. I was oh so very very happy to see her. I've missed her SO much this year it's crazy. We went to school with eachother for nine years. NINE YEARS of besty friends and then we went to different colleges and it was awful. She was hosting this soccer event in honor of her brother. It's something that's close to both of us, more to her than me obviously, but it's a big deal to me. Basically it's just highschool and college girls and guys playing soccer games in order to raise money for epilespy research. Her brother died our freshman year because of his epilepsy. Her older sister also has it, but she's been seizure free for years now because she had this surgery. Anyhoo, hanging out with her reminded me of why she's one of my best friends. We can sit in silence for hours and it's not weird or awkward it's just...us. People always ask us how in the world we're friends because we're such opposites it's unreal. She's really quite. People ten blocks away can hear me. She's really studious and takes school to the extreme level. I hate school. I'm short. She's friggin huge. I'm black she's white yada yada yada you get the picture. Now while we were setting things up for the event, suddenly I get this realization in my head.
"Oh my gosh...I'm gonna have to come out to her."
I mean coming out to her is going to be harder than coming out to everyone else. Seriously. I've been her support and she's been mine for so very long. I don't know what I'll do if I lose her. I mean I don't know why/what made me realize this as we're putting up the nets on the soccer field, but I did. We were talking about school and it occured to me how much we've missed out on each other's lives. It was crushing to both of us. It's made me really really nervous about coming out to her. She's pretty much equal in my opinion like my little sister. I want to protect her from anything that could harm her and I would die for her in an instant no questions asked. I'm just afraid that I'm going to be the one that hurts her and I don't know how to deal with that.
Also....
My mom sent me a card in the mail.
????
Why is my mom sending me cards in the first place??? She lives in the same house as me. Sees me everyday. But whatever I open the card and on the inside she starts by talking about how proud of me she is because of how much I know about the world of politics. Now it's nice to know that she's proud of me, don't get me wrong, I like that part. But it's the way she says things that makes me wonder what she's trying to do. For instance she only mentioned school three times in the card. I know three times in a card is a bit much for some but the last card she sent me the whole thing was about school. Because of that I didin't even read past the third line. She knows how I feel about school. She knows I hate it and yet she tends to bring it up everytime I'm near her. Her first question everyday,"How were your classes today?" She KNOWS I had to drop the only class I really loved (Comp II) because I had to focus on another class (Chem aka the shit class I'm failing now). Why would you ask me questions about a topic that in the past has been a hot button issue between the two of us??? I wasn't going to be valedictorian in highschool and I'm not going to be salutorian in college like she was. I'm just not. I hate school with a passion and wish it was over.
So.
Dear Mom,
Stop asking me about school. Stop bringing it up. Leave it alone to die.
Me
Dear Best friend,
I miss you and I really really want you to stay my sister.
Me
Saw my other best friend. I was oh so very very happy to see her. I've missed her SO much this year it's crazy. We went to school with eachother for nine years. NINE YEARS of besty friends and then we went to different colleges and it was awful. She was hosting this soccer event in honor of her brother. It's something that's close to both of us, more to her than me obviously, but it's a big deal to me. Basically it's just highschool and college girls and guys playing soccer games in order to raise money for epilespy research. Her brother died our freshman year because of his epilepsy. Her older sister also has it, but she's been seizure free for years now because she had this surgery. Anyhoo, hanging out with her reminded me of why she's one of my best friends. We can sit in silence for hours and it's not weird or awkward it's just...us. People always ask us how in the world we're friends because we're such opposites it's unreal. She's really quite. People ten blocks away can hear me. She's really studious and takes school to the extreme level. I hate school. I'm short. She's friggin huge. I'm black she's white yada yada yada you get the picture. Now while we were setting things up for the event, suddenly I get this realization in my head.
"Oh my gosh...I'm gonna have to come out to her."
I mean coming out to her is going to be harder than coming out to everyone else. Seriously. I've been her support and she's been mine for so very long. I don't know what I'll do if I lose her. I mean I don't know why/what made me realize this as we're putting up the nets on the soccer field, but I did. We were talking about school and it occured to me how much we've missed out on each other's lives. It was crushing to both of us. It's made me really really nervous about coming out to her. She's pretty much equal in my opinion like my little sister. I want to protect her from anything that could harm her and I would die for her in an instant no questions asked. I'm just afraid that I'm going to be the one that hurts her and I don't know how to deal with that.
Also....
My mom sent me a card in the mail.
????
Why is my mom sending me cards in the first place??? She lives in the same house as me. Sees me everyday. But whatever I open the card and on the inside she starts by talking about how proud of me she is because of how much I know about the world of politics. Now it's nice to know that she's proud of me, don't get me wrong, I like that part. But it's the way she says things that makes me wonder what she's trying to do. For instance she only mentioned school three times in the card. I know three times in a card is a bit much for some but the last card she sent me the whole thing was about school. Because of that I didin't even read past the third line. She knows how I feel about school. She knows I hate it and yet she tends to bring it up everytime I'm near her. Her first question everyday,"How were your classes today?" She KNOWS I had to drop the only class I really loved (Comp II) because I had to focus on another class (Chem aka the shit class I'm failing now). Why would you ask me questions about a topic that in the past has been a hot button issue between the two of us??? I wasn't going to be valedictorian in highschool and I'm not going to be salutorian in college like she was. I'm just not. I hate school with a passion and wish it was over.
So.
Dear Mom,
Stop asking me about school. Stop bringing it up. Leave it alone to die.
Me
Dear Best friend,
I miss you and I really really want you to stay my sister.
Me