(no subject)
i know i said i wouldnt be using this anymore but oh well. i dont feel like having all of the ppl that read my xanga read this.
i feel like shit. i was supposed to go to my aunts today. last night when i talked to her she said we, meaning my brother mike and i, would meet her halfway for lunch. she decided at some point she didnt wanna make 2 trips to the same place cuz she has her friends son staying w/ them while his parents move his sister to kansas. so it changed to 5:30. then 5:30 rolls around and i still dont hear from her. around 6 she calls and says she'll be leaving within the hour and she'll call me. when its been 2 hours and i still havent heard from them. to make matters worse mike doesnt wanna drive me anymore cuz he thought it would be around noon but because my aunt who has way more money than we do didnt wanna "waste" gas by making 2 trips, we didnt go when we thought and he didnt wanna drive. my mom said she wouldnt drive either cuz she was "tired." well at least she fucking sleeps. i havent slept in almost 2 months. she thinks its normal for me cuz i've had trouble sleeping for years. it hasnt been as bad as it has been lately and its all cuz my brothers r leaving. all summer all people have cared about is how my brothers feel about leaving and how my mom feels and shit. nobody ever fucking stopped to think how hard it would be on me. all this coming week they'll be moving stuff back and forth to our "dads" house which is y i wanna go away for a few days. seeing them taking stuff outa here is the hardest thing i've dealt w/ since my grandma died. yea we arent close or anything but im gonna miss them and it really hurts but nobody gives a shit. nobody cares how i feel. nobody ever stopped to ask me at all. not a single person. we're finally all starting to get along, pete's even being nice to me and now they're leaving. and it might make me seem selfish but i dont want them to go. its only a few hours away but its a lot when i wont see them anymore. they dont wanna come back often. this is like w/ my grandma. the last time i had seen her we were just getting along again after a big fight we had had the previous time she was here and then BOOM. she has cancer and dies less than 2 months later. i know the odds of it arent likely, but i dont wanna lose them to and just thinking that something could happen and we're too far away to be there right away terrifies me. all i've done the past few weeks is sit around crying cuz im so depressed and nobody's noticed. now when i finally have a chance to get away from it all it falls apart. lucky fucking me
i feel like shit. i was supposed to go to my aunts today. last night when i talked to her she said we, meaning my brother mike and i, would meet her halfway for lunch. she decided at some point she didnt wanna make 2 trips to the same place cuz she has her friends son staying w/ them while his parents move his sister to kansas. so it changed to 5:30. then 5:30 rolls around and i still dont hear from her. around 6 she calls and says she'll be leaving within the hour and she'll call me. when its been 2 hours and i still havent heard from them. to make matters worse mike doesnt wanna drive me anymore cuz he thought it would be around noon but because my aunt who has way more money than we do didnt wanna "waste" gas by making 2 trips, we didnt go when we thought and he didnt wanna drive. my mom said she wouldnt drive either cuz she was "tired." well at least she fucking sleeps. i havent slept in almost 2 months. she thinks its normal for me cuz i've had trouble sleeping for years. it hasnt been as bad as it has been lately and its all cuz my brothers r leaving. all summer all people have cared about is how my brothers feel about leaving and how my mom feels and shit. nobody ever fucking stopped to think how hard it would be on me. all this coming week they'll be moving stuff back and forth to our "dads" house which is y i wanna go away for a few days. seeing them taking stuff outa here is the hardest thing i've dealt w/ since my grandma died. yea we arent close or anything but im gonna miss them and it really hurts but nobody gives a shit. nobody cares how i feel. nobody ever stopped to ask me at all. not a single person. we're finally all starting to get along, pete's even being nice to me and now they're leaving. and it might make me seem selfish but i dont want them to go. its only a few hours away but its a lot when i wont see them anymore. they dont wanna come back often. this is like w/ my grandma. the last time i had seen her we were just getting along again after a big fight we had had the previous time she was here and then BOOM. she has cancer and dies less than 2 months later. i know the odds of it arent likely, but i dont wanna lose them to and just thinking that something could happen and we're too far away to be there right away terrifies me. all i've done the past few weeks is sit around crying cuz im so depressed and nobody's noticed. now when i finally have a chance to get away from it all it falls apart. lucky fucking me