hughdl..rghbitch...diarlugfh...
ttggggggfhytg
i'm quick high and drunk and a white chocolate coating to a pretzel was melted on the keygboard and i smucdge it off witn th e keys in the tgfyh region of the board.
upstairs i heard the tail end of a game of beer pong (refered to by me as "babe ruth")homerun heybattabattabatta.
nick's cool. i have a bit of a friend crush on him. i love it when he calls me kid. today when i announced my bed going and desertion of the beer pong arena, he kissed his two fingers and gave me peace sign high five. wwe're so absurd, arm wrestling and side poking and stacking jello candies four up and making up new ways to high five. he wanted me to stay longer and insisted i would be next player. i thought i should go though, bc my eyes kept lingering.
and i don't want anything to happen or anything to be thought to hhappen.
i'm still so confused by what i have with anh, and his claim that we aren't serious, i'm not his girlfriend, doesn't want to be in a relationship et cetra.
does this mean we're seeing other people?
able to flirt w/ other people?
bc the interaction i have w/ nick is pretty flirty. i could pass it off as chummy and friendly fiesty, but genuinly i think it's flirty. and that could be a problem or no problem and i really don't know. whether or not i should try to justify it.
tomorrow anhs coming up and we'll talk about it, i'll bring it up.
i called him a minute ago. he'd called past one, so i was pretty sure he'd be up. he was out w/ a friend of his that i'd met a couple weeks ago. when he picked up the phone he was like heeey, there's my girl now! and i was just talking to ____ about you, about what he thought of you, did he think you were pretty? ___ said yeah, and she has a nice body.
and i was flattered. and then ___ got on the phone, like hey, this is ___ and i'm like yeah, i met you, you tought me to play poker.
but then i got to thinking, and this is a funny thought, but i couldn't understand something. on numerous occasions anhs called me his girl, but he also says specifically that i'm not his girlfriend. when i told him what i was up to and who i was hanging out with he asked if i was flirting with all the guys in a teasing way, like prompting me to say yes. so i said back yess everysingle one, and he said, no really did you give anyone your phone#? and then i was afraid he was being serious, so i said no, and then he immediatly sprung in with the i'm just jokeing. but doesn't every joke have an undertone of sincerity?
do we want to be exclusive? i don't even know what i want. it's nice to be single. it's nice to be involved. but it's nice to be available. it's nice to desire and be desired over and over again... do i want that with the same person or a variety of short termers?
i kissed jared last weekend, and it really made me feel how long term anh feels, how long term i want him to be. when i bring it up, i risk that he doesn't want the same thing as me.
adn he might be mad, that i didn't think kissing someone else was wrong. or mad that i didn't tell him right away, that i didn't think i needed to and that i was afraid to communicate to him that i was confused about it.
theres a fight going on in the street bellow me. mumblings of men, slurred w/ overpronunciated "BITCH"
can't we all just get along?
i'm quick high and drunk and a white chocolate coating to a pretzel was melted on the keygboard and i smucdge it off witn th e keys in the tgfyh region of the board.
upstairs i heard the tail end of a game of beer pong (refered to by me as "babe ruth")homerun heybattabattabatta.
nick's cool. i have a bit of a friend crush on him. i love it when he calls me kid. today when i announced my bed going and desertion of the beer pong arena, he kissed his two fingers and gave me peace sign high five. wwe're so absurd, arm wrestling and side poking and stacking jello candies four up and making up new ways to high five. he wanted me to stay longer and insisted i would be next player. i thought i should go though, bc my eyes kept lingering.
and i don't want anything to happen or anything to be thought to hhappen.
i'm still so confused by what i have with anh, and his claim that we aren't serious, i'm not his girlfriend, doesn't want to be in a relationship et cetra.
does this mean we're seeing other people?
able to flirt w/ other people?
bc the interaction i have w/ nick is pretty flirty. i could pass it off as chummy and friendly fiesty, but genuinly i think it's flirty. and that could be a problem or no problem and i really don't know. whether or not i should try to justify it.
tomorrow anhs coming up and we'll talk about it, i'll bring it up.
i called him a minute ago. he'd called past one, so i was pretty sure he'd be up. he was out w/ a friend of his that i'd met a couple weeks ago. when he picked up the phone he was like heeey, there's my girl now! and i was just talking to ____ about you, about what he thought of you, did he think you were pretty? ___ said yeah, and she has a nice body.
and i was flattered. and then ___ got on the phone, like hey, this is ___ and i'm like yeah, i met you, you tought me to play poker.
but then i got to thinking, and this is a funny thought, but i couldn't understand something. on numerous occasions anhs called me his girl, but he also says specifically that i'm not his girlfriend. when i told him what i was up to and who i was hanging out with he asked if i was flirting with all the guys in a teasing way, like prompting me to say yes. so i said back yess everysingle one, and he said, no really did you give anyone your phone#? and then i was afraid he was being serious, so i said no, and then he immediatly sprung in with the i'm just jokeing. but doesn't every joke have an undertone of sincerity?
do we want to be exclusive? i don't even know what i want. it's nice to be single. it's nice to be involved. but it's nice to be available. it's nice to desire and be desired over and over again... do i want that with the same person or a variety of short termers?
i kissed jared last weekend, and it really made me feel how long term anh feels, how long term i want him to be. when i bring it up, i risk that he doesn't want the same thing as me.
adn he might be mad, that i didn't think kissing someone else was wrong. or mad that i didn't tell him right away, that i didn't think i needed to and that i was afraid to communicate to him that i was confused about it.
theres a fight going on in the street bellow me. mumblings of men, slurred w/ overpronunciated "BITCH"
can't we all just get along?