fuck.
I really can't take anything anymore. Like I'm wicked upset all the time and I feel liek shit. My whole body just hurts and all i want to do is cry. I sat to sit in the bottom of my tub and just die. That's the only place where I want to be. With the water coming down on me and wasting me away. I want to be alone and have no one to care about or to take care of. I want to disppear and never come back. I really don't think anyone would notice or care. like if i walked away.. i don't think he would notice or look back to see if I was still there. I feel like I'm not imporant to him. I feel like every guy i date, i have to push away. I'm afraid to be with someone. I SAID IT! I'M SCARED! I hate being scared. I hate feeling like this and i hate that I can't just commit to just one person. I love one person and i want to be with them and I can't. He has a girlfriend and has since I met him. He is the only person who knows me for the real me. Like i don't understand why we can't just be together. WE ARE PERFECT FOR EACH OTHER!Like I understand him & he understands me. Its so bad. I love him. I FUCKING LOVE HIM. I need to cry and sit at the bottom of my shower. if I don't I might lose it. I have sat's in the morning anways. fuck fuck fuck.
night.
night.