Why we push each other away.
Sometimes I just don't get life and things that go into it. I don't get why the guy I have been dating for the last 3 months just all the sudden after his winter ball, just started to push me away. He tells me he hasn't changed at all but deep down inside, I know he has. It upset me too realized that the guy whome I love and I know I love, has faded away from me. "When memories fade we got eachother" But that thing is, Im not sure I have him. I want to be with him so much. More than I have with anyone eles. I just don't see why he pushes me away. Or why I "piss him off". I don't get this or life right now. So many things have changed in the last year and I don't know if i can take it. I don't know what he wants. If he doesn't want to be with me? He's pushing me away. Like omgosh I saw you two days in a row. I remember when we saw each other everyday. Is it bad that I miss that? I miss when he would just smile and sit there and talk to me about something new. Now nothing is new. Did we rush into this realtionship? I don't know. Did we say "I love you" to soon. Do we mean it. I have no answers for these questions. If he reads this hes gnna say OMGOSH SHES A DRAMA QUEEN. Just for once why can't he care how I feel and not say Im doing a bitch or Im a drama queen. Why can't my feelings matter. HUH? Why can't I tell him everytime I said Iloveyou to him and he says I know back it hurts so much inside knowing that maybe for just a second he might not love me, but then he has it and I have to think for a second. Does he mean it? I couldn't tell you because he doesn't show me any emotions. Doesn't tell me how he feels or listens to me when I try to tell him how I feel. Im ALAWAYS bitching or pissing him off when I tell him how I feel. HOW DO YOU THINK THAT MAKES ME FEEL. LIKE IM NOT IMPROANT ENOUGH FOR YOU TO TAKE A SECOND AND LISTEN TO ME NOT BITCHING BUT TELLING YOU HOW I FEEL. DO YOU EVEN CARE? I don't know what I can do to get this point out anymore. I want to be with him. But the question is does he want to be with me? This I don't know or won't know becuase he doesn't want to talk to see me. Why is it that I can't sleep without hearing his voice. Why is it that I can't live without him. How did I live without him before. Has he really changed my life that much? He is my first and only love. I will tell you that. Love. Ha. Most of you are saying you don't know what love is. Well I do. I know that just the voice of him makes all my troubles go away. Why am I listening to this song over and over. Why does every love song remind me of him. Why do I love him. Why can't he love me the way I love him. I hold it all when I hold you. wow. Crying shows weakness and right now. Im weaker than ever. I hate being in love. It hurts too much. I not holding on. But im never letting go. Im in love with you. And im sorry. If you read this. I get out of work tomrowo at 7. Im not wokring saturday but maybe going out with Nicole. You know where I live. You Know my phone number. Im tired of going after you. I dont feel like feeling this pain anymore. If you want me. You know where to find me. Iloveyouchristopher.