I need to get this taste out of my mouth

[jaxbrokenheart]

Today started out like any other day, I got up, went to work, but when I came home it got all fucked up. Eddie's car got a flat tire, so I couldn't take it to work, Brandon K picked me up, and took me to work, then after, Jen picked me up, and we hung out for a while, and this is where it gets confusing. Last night Joe and I talked about hanging out today, He told me to call him after work, so I did. Jen and I met him at the mall. Nick called me on my cell, so of course I told him exactly what was going on, because we don't keep secrets from each other. Naturally, he got pissed. He told me to fuck off, and hung up. I called him back and he said he didn't want to talk to me. So I sucked it up, and went on, so no one could see I was hurting. He called back later, and was still upset. After I got home, I continued to pretend it didn't bother me, because if my mom asked me what was wrong, I'd have to tell her, because I can't lie to anyone anymore, and she's be pissed, cuz she doesn't want me hanging out with Joe. I prayed to whatever would listen, that Nick would call, and we could talk, and everything would work out. He did call, and he was still upset. Then I came up with a plan. I asked him to tell me about all the times he knew I loved him, and to tell me about all the things I've done for him to prove it. He did, and afterwards, he felt better. He said he trusted me, and believed me that nothing happened. He just doesn't want me to see Joe again. Despite the fact that Nick depressed the hell out of me, I had a good time with Joe and Kev, and Jen. It was a good time. Oh and despite the fact Joe made me feel like shit when he was hitting on Jen, but that's neither here nor there, and shouldn't bother me. It seemed like Kevin was the only one who really knew what was going on inside my head. He's the only one who knows my whole story. I'm still with Nick, and that makes me happy, we've had some pretty good times, and I don't want to throw that away, but never-the-less, he's tempting. He always has been, I just have to fight it off. I can do it. Joe was never good for me. He wasn't a bad boyfriend, it just never worked. I couldn't keep him happy, our relationship was never stable. With Nick it's different, it feels real. I can do this, I can keep my hands to myself. I just make myself list all the things Nick's done to prove he loves me. He made a good point:

"I must really love you, if I'd get this pissed over you hanging out with a specific person."

hmmm...