(no subject)
I am sure, everybody has some really dear friends, I am sure there are no people whom have never loved someone dearly.
But sometimes, you loose people. You just go in differed directions, you walk differed parts - sometimes without noticing- and then you get to a point where you notice that someone you loved or maybe still love, doesn´t care for you anymore. What can you do? Back when I was younger- more stupid, I would have thrown a Temper tantrum, would have cursed the persons linage or would have tried to hate them. Now, a little more grown up, a little wiser, I´m siting with unshed tears and try to comprehend WHERE exactly we have started to break apart, where my fault lies and what I could have doe to prevent it. What was it that wend wrong exactly? Was it inevitable? Was it my fault, for being who I am? I once really loved this Person, and now I notice that she doesn´t consider me important anymore. I´m not Family, just someone you spare about half an hour, only because... what exactly? So you don´t have to tell me to fuck off? Or is it not intentional? But i´s so PAINFULLY obvious to me that we drifted apart... It hurts so fucking much... It claws at me and I can´t cry, can´t be angry. You were one of the people I loved, deep down, I trusted you, you´re one of the first People I EVER trusted enough to be honest with. Now I´ve lost you and I don´t know why!
I will still love you, silently, secretly, because you were one of those who saved my ass back then, shoved me back onto a way, gave me an shoulder to cry on, a hand and you always gave me advice.
I´m going to on living without you. I have to, but right this second, I don´t want to...
But I will, regardless.
Just, for tonight, I will try to cry over the loss. Bare with me, let me feel a little sorry for myself...
But sometimes, you loose people. You just go in differed directions, you walk differed parts - sometimes without noticing- and then you get to a point where you notice that someone you loved or maybe still love, doesn´t care for you anymore. What can you do? Back when I was younger- more stupid, I would have thrown a Temper tantrum, would have cursed the persons linage or would have tried to hate them. Now, a little more grown up, a little wiser, I´m siting with unshed tears and try to comprehend WHERE exactly we have started to break apart, where my fault lies and what I could have doe to prevent it. What was it that wend wrong exactly? Was it inevitable? Was it my fault, for being who I am? I once really loved this Person, and now I notice that she doesn´t consider me important anymore. I´m not Family, just someone you spare about half an hour, only because... what exactly? So you don´t have to tell me to fuck off? Or is it not intentional? But i´s so PAINFULLY obvious to me that we drifted apart... It hurts so fucking much... It claws at me and I can´t cry, can´t be angry. You were one of the people I loved, deep down, I trusted you, you´re one of the first People I EVER trusted enough to be honest with. Now I´ve lost you and I don´t know why!
I will still love you, silently, secretly, because you were one of those who saved my ass back then, shoved me back onto a way, gave me an shoulder to cry on, a hand and you always gave me advice.
I´m going to on living without you. I have to, but right this second, I don´t want to...
But I will, regardless.
Just, for tonight, I will try to cry over the loss. Bare with me, let me feel a little sorry for myself...