12 Bar Insomnia in D
A while back, a friend who owns a Wii introduced me to Guitar Hero.
I can’t play Guitar Hero. I completely lack the coordination necessary to elevate my character (do they call them avatars?) from lowly garage band hack to rock god. Ordinarily, this wouldn’t bother me. I don’t devote particular time and energy to playing video games and certainly don’t expect to be good at them.
However, I play the guitar, so my utter lack of Guitar Hero mojo seems sort of, well, unfair.
This isn’t a particularly novel or unusual complaint; supposedly, it happens to a lot of guys, and it’s not a big deal. Presumably, race car drivers and zombie killers are also annoyed when their real-life skills don’t translate into video game prowess. It’s just that learning to play the guitar is so achievable on its own. Think about common video game themes: pro sports, fighting, killing monsters. In life, these are all skills that (at least theoretically) take physical effort, athleticism, loads of discipline and, in some cases, the existence of monsters.
Learning to play guitar, on the other hand, requires an excess of spare time and a stack of punk rock records - both things every 15 year old should have. Why make a video game about something you can do in real life?
But that’s not what really bothers me about Guitar Hero.
A couple weeks back, a buddy and I were discussing Guitar Hero with a girl at work. I took what I thought to be the hipness high ground: “I can play guitar, but I can’t play Guitar Hero. Weird, huh?” She said “that’s okay, playing real guitar is much sexier.”
Fine. Settled. Guitar: rocknroll, sexy. Video games: geeky.
So my buddy says “well, you’d think so, but you’d be surprised. Guitar Hero is a pretty effective way to get girls to my apartment. Think about it. I’ve had girls come up to my place solely because they want to play Guitar Hero. Would you invite a girl up to watch you play guitar?”
I stopped dead. He was totally right.
Throughout human history, guys not particulary well-suited for killing mastodons, leading crusades or making the varsity football team could fall back on banging on particularly melodic rocks, playing a lute or strumming a guitar, respectively, as a way to impress the ladies. It’s a time-honored tradition, and historically, it’s been pretty effective. The problem is, it’s only useful during a particular time in one’s life.
I’m not 19 anymore, it’s not the ‘90s (when acoustic guitar songs were last remotely sexy - thanks Elliott), and frankly, it would just be weird to even trot a guitar out in company, let alone in front of a date. Drunk in a dorm room, the guitar’s your fast lane to makeoutville. When you’re pushing 30 (unless you’re a working musician), playing guitar’s little more than an amusing hobby. You might as well show off your stamp collection or play your library of vintage baseball broadcasts.
On a side note, I never played my guitar to get tail. That was pretty dumb.
So, fine. Playing the guitar’s a hobby. Playing video games is a hobby. The activities are on par with one another, except video games enjoy a certain accessibility that makes them an inherently better social activity (after all, hobbies are just the boring things other people do in their spare time). Unless I find myself dating a girl whose idea of a good time is getting a little drunk, pulling out a guitar and learning every song on Born to Quit (or Born to Run, for that matter), Guitar Hero’s going to be a bigger hit than a real guitar. This just slays me - another bedrock truth eroded to falsehood by time.
Still, I’m determined not to become an expert at playing Guitar Hero. I like my own nerdy hobbies better.
I can’t play Guitar Hero. I completely lack the coordination necessary to elevate my character (do they call them avatars?) from lowly garage band hack to rock god. Ordinarily, this wouldn’t bother me. I don’t devote particular time and energy to playing video games and certainly don’t expect to be good at them.
However, I play the guitar, so my utter lack of Guitar Hero mojo seems sort of, well, unfair.
This isn’t a particularly novel or unusual complaint; supposedly, it happens to a lot of guys, and it’s not a big deal. Presumably, race car drivers and zombie killers are also annoyed when their real-life skills don’t translate into video game prowess. It’s just that learning to play the guitar is so achievable on its own. Think about common video game themes: pro sports, fighting, killing monsters. In life, these are all skills that (at least theoretically) take physical effort, athleticism, loads of discipline and, in some cases, the existence of monsters.
Learning to play guitar, on the other hand, requires an excess of spare time and a stack of punk rock records - both things every 15 year old should have. Why make a video game about something you can do in real life?
But that’s not what really bothers me about Guitar Hero.
A couple weeks back, a buddy and I were discussing Guitar Hero with a girl at work. I took what I thought to be the hipness high ground: “I can play guitar, but I can’t play Guitar Hero. Weird, huh?” She said “that’s okay, playing real guitar is much sexier.”
Fine. Settled. Guitar: rocknroll, sexy. Video games: geeky.
So my buddy says “well, you’d think so, but you’d be surprised. Guitar Hero is a pretty effective way to get girls to my apartment. Think about it. I’ve had girls come up to my place solely because they want to play Guitar Hero. Would you invite a girl up to watch you play guitar?”
I stopped dead. He was totally right.
Throughout human history, guys not particulary well-suited for killing mastodons, leading crusades or making the varsity football team could fall back on banging on particularly melodic rocks, playing a lute or strumming a guitar, respectively, as a way to impress the ladies. It’s a time-honored tradition, and historically, it’s been pretty effective. The problem is, it’s only useful during a particular time in one’s life.
I’m not 19 anymore, it’s not the ‘90s (when acoustic guitar songs were last remotely sexy - thanks Elliott), and frankly, it would just be weird to even trot a guitar out in company, let alone in front of a date. Drunk in a dorm room, the guitar’s your fast lane to makeoutville. When you’re pushing 30 (unless you’re a working musician), playing guitar’s little more than an amusing hobby. You might as well show off your stamp collection or play your library of vintage baseball broadcasts.
On a side note, I never played my guitar to get tail. That was pretty dumb.
So, fine. Playing the guitar’s a hobby. Playing video games is a hobby. The activities are on par with one another, except video games enjoy a certain accessibility that makes them an inherently better social activity (after all, hobbies are just the boring things other people do in their spare time). Unless I find myself dating a girl whose idea of a good time is getting a little drunk, pulling out a guitar and learning every song on Born to Quit (or Born to Run, for that matter), Guitar Hero’s going to be a bigger hit than a real guitar. This just slays me - another bedrock truth eroded to falsehood by time.
Still, I’m determined not to become an expert at playing Guitar Hero. I like my own nerdy hobbies better.