Hello Cleveland...this is Cleveland, isn't it?
For the first weekend in a long while, I've found myself at home with nothing to do, and I intend to keep doing nothing until some inevitable something, its somethingness pre-ordained and looming over the day's horizon, grasps me in its talons. But nothing is good, man. Nothing is good.
The Serial Heartbreaker Blues
Fresh off a breakup, this one a little heavier than others. I'm bummed about having to hurt someone, but it's more than that. I could have predicted the relationship to the month - I knew it had an end date, but I proceeded anyway. I knew I'd hurt her when I ended it. So I don't know. It feels like I did something wrong, and I'm trying to figure out why I got involved in the first place. Was I hoping to be surprised? Was I hoping to grow to appreciate the relationship? Was I fighting my instinct again, knowing damn well down deep exactly they way things would turn out?
Yeah, probably all of that and then some. The point is, this breakup has been somehow revelatory. It feels like my fault, like any problem I had with the relationship started and ended with me, and I happened to bring a girl along for the ride. It occurs to me that maybe every relationship's been that way for a while now, (probably since the Destroyer of Worlds1 did her thing). It occurs to me that more than a few women, upon reading that sentence, would feel incredibly smug.2
New Rule: Only date girls who are as cool as my female friends.
New Rule: Try to be the one who gets hurt, just once. Do it for science.
New Rule: If the end's in sight before the beginning, don't have a beginning.
The prodigal is working for the weekend
I'm hitting my stride with my new job. For the first time that I can recall, I'm actually happy with the work I do. I like the company, I like the people, I'm working on the business side of frickin' international global climate change initiatives.3 Yes, I am all Kyoto Protocol up in this bitch. But really, the most important change is the people. At my last job, I felt like a fucking alien - I didn't get them, and they didn't get me. There were a million toes to step on, and everyone operated in this strictured, constipated, haze of ego and stress and fear. Now, some of my bosses play in rock bands, and on our smoke breaks, my next door office neighbor tells stories about his past life as a teenage graffiti artist in Miami. I've found my people again. Welcome back to the tribe.
Carol's Country and Western Overrated Price Gouging Bar of Despair - open until 4!
Can we agree that nothing good happens at 4 a.m. bars? Unless one has an imminent, pressing reason to stay out,4 going home's a better idea. That said, I staggered home from Carol's at 4, and even staying in bed until 1 p.m. isn't enough to atone for my indiscretion.
I'd be your Romeo if I could open this window
There's a really cute girl next door who likes to sit in her window and play guitar. I watch her when I'm sitting by my window, playing my guitar. In my mind, something epic doth abound. My window, unfortunately, is a sealed picture window - if it opened, I'd serenade her and she'd serenade me - again, in my mind.
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1. The Destroyer of Worlds and I are, strangely enough, on good terms - like, lunch/hangout/talk about our respective relationships/lives good terms. We share that strange bond that comes when two people have been too deep in love to be able to handle it.
That said, I'd still hit it like I was Thor's hammer.
2. Envision a Greek chorus chanting "we told you so."
3. A friend and I were talking about having jobs you could talk about at cocktail parties. Having "international" in your job description goes a long way. She's an atheist who edits new-age books about angels...that also goes a long way.
4. i.e., buy her one more drink and you'll get laid. I can't think of another.
The Serial Heartbreaker Blues
Fresh off a breakup, this one a little heavier than others. I'm bummed about having to hurt someone, but it's more than that. I could have predicted the relationship to the month - I knew it had an end date, but I proceeded anyway. I knew I'd hurt her when I ended it. So I don't know. It feels like I did something wrong, and I'm trying to figure out why I got involved in the first place. Was I hoping to be surprised? Was I hoping to grow to appreciate the relationship? Was I fighting my instinct again, knowing damn well down deep exactly they way things would turn out?
Yeah, probably all of that and then some. The point is, this breakup has been somehow revelatory. It feels like my fault, like any problem I had with the relationship started and ended with me, and I happened to bring a girl along for the ride. It occurs to me that maybe every relationship's been that way for a while now, (probably since the Destroyer of Worlds1 did her thing). It occurs to me that more than a few women, upon reading that sentence, would feel incredibly smug.2
New Rule: Only date girls who are as cool as my female friends.
New Rule: Try to be the one who gets hurt, just once. Do it for science.
New Rule: If the end's in sight before the beginning, don't have a beginning.
The prodigal is working for the weekend
I'm hitting my stride with my new job. For the first time that I can recall, I'm actually happy with the work I do. I like the company, I like the people, I'm working on the business side of frickin' international global climate change initiatives.3 Yes, I am all Kyoto Protocol up in this bitch. But really, the most important change is the people. At my last job, I felt like a fucking alien - I didn't get them, and they didn't get me. There were a million toes to step on, and everyone operated in this strictured, constipated, haze of ego and stress and fear. Now, some of my bosses play in rock bands, and on our smoke breaks, my next door office neighbor tells stories about his past life as a teenage graffiti artist in Miami. I've found my people again. Welcome back to the tribe.
Carol's Country and Western Overrated Price Gouging Bar of Despair - open until 4!
Can we agree that nothing good happens at 4 a.m. bars? Unless one has an imminent, pressing reason to stay out,4 going home's a better idea. That said, I staggered home from Carol's at 4, and even staying in bed until 1 p.m. isn't enough to atone for my indiscretion.
I'd be your Romeo if I could open this window
There's a really cute girl next door who likes to sit in her window and play guitar. I watch her when I'm sitting by my window, playing my guitar. In my mind, something epic doth abound. My window, unfortunately, is a sealed picture window - if it opened, I'd serenade her and she'd serenade me - again, in my mind.
---------------------------------------------
1. The Destroyer of Worlds and I are, strangely enough, on good terms - like, lunch/hangout/talk about our respective relationships/lives good terms. We share that strange bond that comes when two people have been too deep in love to be able to handle it.
That said, I'd still hit it like I was Thor's hammer.
2. Envision a Greek chorus chanting "we told you so."
3. A friend and I were talking about having jobs you could talk about at cocktail parties. Having "international" in your job description goes a long way. She's an atheist who edits new-age books about angels...that also goes a long way.
4. i.e., buy her one more drink and you'll get laid. I can't think of another.