C'est Fini!
completely. thoroughly. undeniably. Done.
I never thought we'd get to this point. I was devastated when I got the text message from him the day after Quincy's birthday. I really thought we'd talk it out and work thing through and get back together. He even held out hoops for me which I jumped throuh in an effort to be in his good graces again. Each time, he'd hold it out...then up a little then further and further...yet I never got the prize. Even on Friday, I held hope. He kept dangling little carrots in my face and making me think there was a chance. I held out.
A few times, I'd asked him why he was stringing me along.
I bought a plane ticket. He wanted me to go see him. Once I bought the ticket, he told me I won...that he chose me. WHAT? I was going because he told me he wanted to see me. It didn't work out. I didn't get to go. I cried until my eyes hurt.
He demanded I get on the plane a few days later. My suitcase was still packed. I told him I couldn't go today...my kids needed coverage. He told me, "I'm buying that ticket for 5:00 and you'd better be on the plane." I panicked. I tried to call his mom on her cell phone. I didn't know how to get through to him. He was acting so crazy! I wanted to ask Millie to please talk to Russell and tell him not to buy the ticket for that day, but let's plan it for a littlel later....I had to leave her a message. She called me back, but had no interest in anything I had to say. I was crushed. I was worried about Russ because he really was out of sorts. I just wanted her help.
Russell bought the ticket. I didn't go.
He drove to Reno to meet his new girlfriend in person. I was so hurt. I couldn't believe after all the songs he'd written for me. After all the times he's asked me to marry him. After all the plans we'd made....it just crumbled so easily.
Sure. I was mad. There weren't a lot of tears. Mostly just feeling mad. I knew he was going. He'd told me he was going to go. I just hoped he'd change his mind...and not go. It didnt' work out that way.
But SINCE his trip, I've learned some things about him that make me glad for unanswered prayers. Really. Glad.
I don't think of my time with him as a total waste. Not at all! There were some really wonderful things about this relationship. He wrote so many songs about me. I've never had that before...and THAT was a complete kick in the pants. We laughed a lot. We had a LOT in common. He even helped me finally get over my ex-husband...FINALLY. There was this weird piece that we couldn't get put to rest...and now that is done. SO....Now, I feel completely hopeful that my next relationship will benefit from that...that I will really be able to let go and completely love whomver that very specail fella is.
I'm not so sure I am in a big hurry yet to go out and find him. There are still some pieces of my heart that need to be healed.
I do know that while I was involved with Russell, men were just men. Now, they're starting to look appealing again. I'm starting to notice them again. I'm not afraid to make eye contact with them...just because they're talking to me. I'm not afraid to talk to my male friends anymore...
I've cleaned out my bedroom and gotten rid of pretty much everything. He also brought a bunch of stuff here the last time he came to visit...kitchen-y stuff....it's all out at the corner of the yard waiting for the trashman to pick it up tomorrow. I don't imagine the electronics have fared well...it's been snowing all afternoon and evening.
I'm done. thankyouverymuch.
I never thought we'd get to this point. I was devastated when I got the text message from him the day after Quincy's birthday. I really thought we'd talk it out and work thing through and get back together. He even held out hoops for me which I jumped throuh in an effort to be in his good graces again. Each time, he'd hold it out...then up a little then further and further...yet I never got the prize. Even on Friday, I held hope. He kept dangling little carrots in my face and making me think there was a chance. I held out.
A few times, I'd asked him why he was stringing me along.
I bought a plane ticket. He wanted me to go see him. Once I bought the ticket, he told me I won...that he chose me. WHAT? I was going because he told me he wanted to see me. It didn't work out. I didn't get to go. I cried until my eyes hurt.
He demanded I get on the plane a few days later. My suitcase was still packed. I told him I couldn't go today...my kids needed coverage. He told me, "I'm buying that ticket for 5:00 and you'd better be on the plane." I panicked. I tried to call his mom on her cell phone. I didn't know how to get through to him. He was acting so crazy! I wanted to ask Millie to please talk to Russell and tell him not to buy the ticket for that day, but let's plan it for a littlel later....I had to leave her a message. She called me back, but had no interest in anything I had to say. I was crushed. I was worried about Russ because he really was out of sorts. I just wanted her help.
Russell bought the ticket. I didn't go.
He drove to Reno to meet his new girlfriend in person. I was so hurt. I couldn't believe after all the songs he'd written for me. After all the times he's asked me to marry him. After all the plans we'd made....it just crumbled so easily.
Sure. I was mad. There weren't a lot of tears. Mostly just feeling mad. I knew he was going. He'd told me he was going to go. I just hoped he'd change his mind...and not go. It didnt' work out that way.
But SINCE his trip, I've learned some things about him that make me glad for unanswered prayers. Really. Glad.
I don't think of my time with him as a total waste. Not at all! There were some really wonderful things about this relationship. He wrote so many songs about me. I've never had that before...and THAT was a complete kick in the pants. We laughed a lot. We had a LOT in common. He even helped me finally get over my ex-husband...FINALLY. There was this weird piece that we couldn't get put to rest...and now that is done. SO....Now, I feel completely hopeful that my next relationship will benefit from that...that I will really be able to let go and completely love whomver that very specail fella is.
I'm not so sure I am in a big hurry yet to go out and find him. There are still some pieces of my heart that need to be healed.
I do know that while I was involved with Russell, men were just men. Now, they're starting to look appealing again. I'm starting to notice them again. I'm not afraid to make eye contact with them...just because they're talking to me. I'm not afraid to talk to my male friends anymore...
I've cleaned out my bedroom and gotten rid of pretty much everything. He also brought a bunch of stuff here the last time he came to visit...kitchen-y stuff....it's all out at the corner of the yard waiting for the trashman to pick it up tomorrow. I don't imagine the electronics have fared well...it's been snowing all afternoon and evening.
I'm done. thankyouverymuch.