Model agency musings
I've been watching The Model Agency on Channel4 lately and I'm loving it.
Watching it has brought back a lot of memories and thoughts that I really want to talk about, write down etc like a cathartic session. But it's not necessarily something that I want to share through my 'proper' blog. Too many eyes, too public. Livejournal to me is a safe place where only my friends are. Even if you are infact a stranger, if you are a friend on here then you're a friend outside too.
Anyway,
I always feel strange after watching this show. A huge chunk of me jealous of everyone involved. I used to be a model. Not you're average size 0 stick in Vogue. I used to model for catalogue, clothing brands and also did a lot of promotional work. Mainly this was all of the 'alternative' persuasion. Someone was bought out a new latex line? I was the girl. New alternative club opening? Get me on the flyers and in the dj booth, that sort of stuff. I had a lovely agent called Mark who moved from agency to agency and took me with him. The problem about alternative fashion is nothing ever lasts long. An agency could be in high demand one month and bust the next, most would move their name overseas where there is always more work.
I earned good money. It varied, but let's just say at 18 I nearly bought my own home and brand new car. I didn't though. I spent my money on a trip to Australia, clearing debts and saving my parents house from being repossessed. And clothes. And trips out. And spoiling friends. And at the salon of course. I was in London at least once a fortnight, often squeezing work into just 2 days instead of having it dotted around the week. I could have taken this career to new heights, but never could really convince myself.
Something that was said on tonight's show really hit me. About how modelling is so so quick and short you have to go out and go for it while you're hot. Its so true.
How long was my modelling career? 2 years. 2 measly years.
I could have done so much more in those 2 years. Earned more money, gone down different routes with different people, evolved into mainstream modelling, but I didn't. I really wanted to go into nursing as a full time career so phased out my modelling work. I had a completely different look by then anyway. No piercings or fake dreads etc. I always thought maybe one day. Whilst now I don't think I would ever want to go back if I could, I'm still so grateful for the memories. Memories that are now just in my head because I wasn't string enough to say no when I was told my portfolio had to be thrown out.
Maybe it was because he didnt like the fact that in these pictures I looked confident and strong?
I don't think I would be looking at them everyday or anything. I would have just liked something that reminded me of what I had accomplished, like some sort of scrapbook. I have absolutely nothing to show for it now. I lost contact with mark when he moved to America, and I have never found any trace of my work online in about 3 years.
I wish I could be that person again. Not modelling, but to just be the strong confident young woman I was. To look after myself physically and mentally. And if I'm being honest, being looked at and they think 'wow'
So there, thoughts have been shared.
Posted via LiveJournal.app.
Watching it has brought back a lot of memories and thoughts that I really want to talk about, write down etc like a cathartic session. But it's not necessarily something that I want to share through my 'proper' blog. Too many eyes, too public. Livejournal to me is a safe place where only my friends are. Even if you are infact a stranger, if you are a friend on here then you're a friend outside too.
Anyway,
I always feel strange after watching this show. A huge chunk of me jealous of everyone involved. I used to be a model. Not you're average size 0 stick in Vogue. I used to model for catalogue, clothing brands and also did a lot of promotional work. Mainly this was all of the 'alternative' persuasion. Someone was bought out a new latex line? I was the girl. New alternative club opening? Get me on the flyers and in the dj booth, that sort of stuff. I had a lovely agent called Mark who moved from agency to agency and took me with him. The problem about alternative fashion is nothing ever lasts long. An agency could be in high demand one month and bust the next, most would move their name overseas where there is always more work.
I earned good money. It varied, but let's just say at 18 I nearly bought my own home and brand new car. I didn't though. I spent my money on a trip to Australia, clearing debts and saving my parents house from being repossessed. And clothes. And trips out. And spoiling friends. And at the salon of course. I was in London at least once a fortnight, often squeezing work into just 2 days instead of having it dotted around the week. I could have taken this career to new heights, but never could really convince myself.
Something that was said on tonight's show really hit me. About how modelling is so so quick and short you have to go out and go for it while you're hot. Its so true.
How long was my modelling career? 2 years. 2 measly years.
I could have done so much more in those 2 years. Earned more money, gone down different routes with different people, evolved into mainstream modelling, but I didn't. I really wanted to go into nursing as a full time career so phased out my modelling work. I had a completely different look by then anyway. No piercings or fake dreads etc. I always thought maybe one day. Whilst now I don't think I would ever want to go back if I could, I'm still so grateful for the memories. Memories that are now just in my head because I wasn't string enough to say no when I was told my portfolio had to be thrown out.
Maybe it was because he didnt like the fact that in these pictures I looked confident and strong?
I don't think I would be looking at them everyday or anything. I would have just liked something that reminded me of what I had accomplished, like some sort of scrapbook. I have absolutely nothing to show for it now. I lost contact with mark when he moved to America, and I have never found any trace of my work online in about 3 years.
I wish I could be that person again. Not modelling, but to just be the strong confident young woman I was. To look after myself physically and mentally. And if I'm being honest, being looked at and they think 'wow'
So there, thoughts have been shared.
Posted via LiveJournal.app.