Not Me: Post Time Skip, Part Eight
The school week trudged by painfully slowly for Mandy. Sam had definitely noticed that something was wrong with her older sister, but had been kind enough not to ask any questions. She knew when her sister needed space and she knew that now was one of those times. So she gave Mandy space to try healing with privacy, something Mandy was very thankful for. But, as it always has and always will, Friday eventually came.
Mandy had not been paying much attention to the days of the week, so it came as somewhat of a surprise to her that afternoon after she picked Samantha up from school when Sam asked “You’re taking me to Aimee’s house now, right?”
Mandy felt herself pale. Going to the Randalls’ house would definitely hurt. A lot. But she had to suck it up and do this for her sister. Sam had not done anything wrong to deserve losing time with her best friend, had she? No. It was not Samantha’s fault that her sister had gotten tied up in a bad relationship and screwed everything up to the point of driving her boyfriend out of the state.
“Yeah, it’s Friday,” Mandy replied with what she hoped sounded like calmness, “Of course we’re going to Aimee’s house.”
Samantha grinned and Mandy felt sure that she had made the right decision.
When they got to the house, Mandy found herself awkwardly unsure of what to do. Usually, she would do something with Mark, but he was obviously gone. So, should she wait in another room? Wait in the car? Go home and come back? Stay with the girls? Her decision was made for her by Aimee who excitedly informed Mandy that she was happy Mark was not there to hog Sam’s big sister. Mandy was confused as to why Aimee would want her to stay with them, since she expected to be perceived as a boring older person, but did not question the affection. It was nice.
Aimee took Samantha and Mandy into the living room and announced that they were going to look through pictures today because she wanted to make a scrapbook and her mom would get copies of the pictures she picked out. Sam seemed pleased with this idea and even asked Mandy if she could do the same when they got home. But it made Mandy nervous. Would there be pictures of Mark? Because she was proud of herself for making it this long without crying, but if she was forced to look at his picture…
Aimee left Mandy and Samantha on the large, comfortable couch and walked out of the room. A few minutes later, she returned carrying several thick photo albums. Sam squealed with delight and Mandy could not help a small smile at the sound.
“We’ll start with the oldest one,” Aimee said as she rejoined them on the couch. She set the stack of photo albums down next to her and picked up the top one. “This is from before I was born, so I don’t think I’ll use them, but it’s probably better to at least look at them, right?”
Samantha agreed with this plan. “Yes! Do we get to see baby pictures of you too? I hope there are some embarrassing ones. You should see the ones Mandy and I have at home. They’re just terrible…”
“So are mine!” giggled Aimee. “But Mark’s are even worse. Look at this.” She opened the photo album to reveal several pictures of baby Mark in various poses.
Mandy tried her hardest not to look, but it was as if the album were reaching out and grabbing her eyeballs. She had to admit that Mark was an adorable baby. Somehow, he managed to pull off even the most ridiculous of the poses, which were all pretty terrible. He looked so happy. Even as a baby, he had a charming smile. Mandy bit her lip as she studied the photos. She missed him so much. It had been less than a week and she already missed him more than she would like to admit. Hopefully, the first week was the hardest and it would get easier from this point on. She could not imagine it getting much harder.
After several albums, the girls finally came to a fairly recent one. This one featured photos from the past two years. As the albums progressed to become more and more recent, Mandy found them increasingly more difficult to look at, mostly because she was essentially watching Mark grow up. Still, she felt like she just had to look because otherwise she would be missing out. And, as much as it hurt, it was also nice to see his face again. She dreaded the day that she would be unable to perfectly imagine his face when she closed her eyes.
Mandy was not really paying any attention to Aimee’s narration of the photos until she came to one that showed Mark, all dressed up, with a skinny blonde girl in a little black dress on his arm.
“Who’s that?” Mandy asked Aimee, trying to sound as casual as possible.
Aimee shrugged. “One of Mark’s girlfriends. I don’t know, he had too many to really keep track of. They were always like that too.”
“Like what?” Sam seemed confused.
Aimee ticked off points with her fingers as she went. “Blonde, dumb, big boobs, skinny, nice teeth, real cheerleadery.”
Mandy tried to hide her irrational jealousy with a laugh, “Cheerleadery?”
Aimee nodded. “Yeah, you know, they weren’t all cheerleaders, but the ones that weren’t cheerleaders were still cheerleadery. They were the kind of girls who you’d expect to be cheerleaders if you spent five minutes with them.”
Mandy really liked this girl. She understood why Sam had chosen Aimee as a best friend, and she did not understand why Mark did not appreciate how amazing his little sister was.
“Oh. That makes sense.” She forced a smile, “I like that word. Cheerleadery. So, um, there were a lot of them?”
“Oh, yeah.” Aimee rolled her eyes, “It was so annoying. I can show you all of them that stayed around long enough to have their picture taken, if you want.”
Mandy bit her lip. She did want to come across as how pathetic she actually was. How are you supposed to tell an eight year old girl that you are jealous of her big brother’s ex girlfriends?
“You don’t have to, Aimee.” she said, but Samantha apparently accessed her super sister powers at that moment.
“I want to see all of them,” Sam said with a smile, “We can mock and it’ll be fun, right Mandy?”
Mandy nodded. “Mocking is always fun.” She stopped, realizing that she was being a bad example, and revised her statement “I mean, um, you should always be nice to other people and the Golden Rule is important, and sticks and stones may break by bones but names will never hurt me is a lie.”
Both of the younger girls laughed.
“I can see why you love her so much, Sam,” Aimee said.
Aimee was right about the pattern in Mark’s past girlfriends. As they went through the newer photo albums, Mandy saw picture after picture of Mark with a new, but somehow still nearly undistinguishable from the others, girl. All of the girls were, in fact, very cheerleadery. The majority of them had gorgeous, blonde straight hair, and tiny model worthy figures. Those who were not blonde still possessed sleek straight hair and tiny bodies. None of them was anything like Mandy. She could not help noticing that she did not fit Mark’s pattern, his type, at all. So, maybe she really had been the problem in their relationship. She was not cheerleadery in the least. She was nerdy. And Mark clearly liked cheerleadery, as shown by the pictures.
This simultaneously hurt Mandy and gave her a strange, and admittedly unrealistic, hope. She had never been what Mark wanted, so why had he even pursued her? That hurt. Was the whole bet thing really the truth after all? It seemed farfetched, but so did everything else Mandy had experienced in the last week and she had not woken up and discovered it to be a dream yet. Maybe if she became more cheerleadery, he would want her when he came back. She knew it was wrong to even be thinking that way, but it did nothing to stop her thoughts. Maybe…She would never dye her hair, partly because it was going too far, but mostly because she did not believe she could pull off having blonde hair. But she could dress slightly differently. Mandy could do that even without buying new clothes. Simply wearing the clothes she did own in different ways would be more attractive than what she currently did. And her behavior could be modified just a little bit. She did not have to act stupid, necessarily, but she could definitely act more girly and desirable. That would not be too difficult. Yes, she decided sitting on the enormous couch in the Randalls’ house, a few changes to herself were definitely in order, or she would end up being alone forever, which was not part of her plan for life.
By the following Monday, it seemed that the majority of students at Wallsford High School had forgotten about the car accident and Mark’s disappearance. That was the thing with high schoolers: they may make little things a big deal, but even genuinely dramatic events usually lose their excitement and interestingness after a short amount of time. So, in some ways, that Monday was much easier than the first. No one asked her any intrusive questions, or any questions at all for that matter, and she heard no whispering about her or Mark as she made her way through the day. The student population had gone back to peacefully ignoring her existence and she was more than content with that.
The one eventful part of her day was during lunch time, when Brittany noticed her outfit. That day, Mandy had worn one of her tighter and thinner sweaters and a miniskirt with leggings underneath. She had been a little surprised by how genuinely attractive the outfit had looked when she checked herself in the mirror that morning. Granted, no one else had even noticed, or at least acknowledged, the change in wardrobe, but of course Brittany had.
“Aren’t you freezing your ass off?” Brittany asked as Mandy took her seat at the table.
Mandy shook her head. “No, why? Does it look bad?” She looked self-consciously downward, doubting her choice in clothing for the first time.
“No, of course not,” Brittany winked at her, “You look fucking sexy, Mandy, I’m just a little confused.”
“Why? Am I not allowed to try to dress attractively?” Mandy asked. She stared at the lunch before her. A random decision to try to eat healthily and possibly drop a few pounds: a small salad and an apple. The apple looked fine, the salad, which lacked dressing, or really anything other than lettuce, was questionable. It was possible that it was not actually safe to eat.
Brittany frowned. “You’re allowed to dress however you want. But I’m concerned when you start dressing inappropriately for the weather and eat like your goal is to become a twig.” She gestured at Mandy’s lunch. “What the hell is that anyway?”
“Salad and an apple.”
“So, not a meal.” Brittany sighed, “He can’t see you, Mandy.”
Mandy avoided looking at Brittany. “I have no idea what you’re talking about, Britt. Who can’t see me?” She took a bite of her salad and made a face at the unpleasant taste. Oh, well. She had to eat something and she was not going to go back and get something else. That would be spending more money and allowing Brittany to win their current not-argument.
“You know who I’m talking about,” Brittany glared at her. “Mark can’t see you. It doesn’t matter whether you join the cheerleading team, squad, whatever the hell a group of cheerleaders call themselves, he-“
“Cheerios.” Mandy suggested, “That’s what the cheerleaders on Glee are called.”
Brittany rolled her eyes. “Fine. It doesn’t matter whether you join the Cheerios or lose fifty pounds, which would be extremely unhealthy so don’t you even think about it, by the way, or do stupid things to make you think you’re sexier. You’ve already said that he isn’t going to come back.”
Mandy bit the inside of her cheek hard enough to draw blood. “I know he isn’t coming back,” she hissed, “This has nothing to do with him. God, would you just stop talking about him? I’m trying to forget.”
“Looks like you’re failing at that,” Brittany said without thinking.
It hurt Mandy more than it should have. She silently returned to eating her salad, not daring to look up at Brittany. There was a pause as Brittany realized what she had said and how much it had affected her best friend.
“Mandy,” she said quietly, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that. I’m really proud of how you’re handling everything.”
Mandy shrugged, but did not look up. “No, you did mean it. It’s true. It’s fine.” She switched the topic to the upcoming junior prom which neither of them had plans to attend and they never returned to the subject of Mark.