It's Like Open Heart-Surgery
I'm feeling insanely good about our situation lately. But writing it might scare me, meaning it might go away if I say too much. She's really loving me, really showing me. And I do not want it to go away. I'm glad she talks to me when she's got something to say. She needs to open her mouth anytime, no matter what it is. I'd rather fight it out then sit there for days, blow up and separate for longer. It's exhausting, and unnecessary. She means this whole world to me, and that's no lie.
I'd never regret writing this, amongst other things I have written. I've been able to use words to convince myself of things I should of never have believed. So would that say I was never really in love per say? I believe maybe 2 times. Out of all the times I tried wooing myself. How amazing is that.. I purposely seduced myself into thinking I was in love with worthless cunts who used me up and spit me out. And I continued this vicious cycle time and time again.
So here I am 3rd times the charm and I have nothing better to look for. This is it for me. And it's not scary, it's not stopping, it's only growing and getting better. The excitement of our situation makes me so hungry for more and more. Boredom comes and goes with the days that drag on. But it's mostly the days when there's nothing going on. Nothing at all to do, and it's tiring and wasteful.
Money, money stresses me out to no end. Because if we had it.. we'd be more organized, do more things. And this summer camping stuff would feel a lot better to me. I hate thinking about how we don't have a jeep, or a bigger car. I want a jeep to go camping in, or with. My own stuff, my own everything. Well Our own everything. I want to share my whole life with this incredible crazy girl that I actually have tried multiple times convincing myself that I wasn't in love with her. If only she could see what I could see, she'd understand how amazing her love feels when she actually lets me feel it. It's a beautiful storm of emotion that she tries so hard to hold in. What I would give to feel you feeling me this way, but I know you do.
How can someone hold love in? How can you run from it.. that's what I want to know. Who just decides up that's fucking nuts and runs away. I could love you from today till forever doesn't end. If I believe in anything for sure, it's that love lives on through anything ending or not. It never stops, it's runs through people like blood in their bodies. You can not deny a pulse that beats, why deny an emotion that's so narcotic, so overwhelming and consuming. It's so perfectly complicated and heart wrenching. Why not take part in something so moving, so uplifting. Love is the only thing in this world that can pick you up so high nothing can touch you, and throw you 50ft under ground burning in your own personal hell, hoping you can just pull the plug. And those who chose to not take part in it our crazy. It is the best feeling, especially when it feels like the worst. Love makes you do crazy things, insane things, things you never thought in a million years you'd ever do.. and there you are right there doing them. Love is when two people exist together in a blissful, fiery, horrible, lustful, emotional tug of systemic events that tangle together and create a world of car crashes.
Car crashes - that crazy mixed up feeling of flying and knowing you're going to crash and right before you hit everything slows down for a minute and before you know it.. it's over and you're so glad you're still breathing. And sometimes you aren't so lucky and you live those moments of regret right before you don't remember anything, and your world turns black, and it's over.
I'd never regret writing this, amongst other things I have written. I've been able to use words to convince myself of things I should of never have believed. So would that say I was never really in love per say? I believe maybe 2 times. Out of all the times I tried wooing myself. How amazing is that.. I purposely seduced myself into thinking I was in love with worthless cunts who used me up and spit me out. And I continued this vicious cycle time and time again.
So here I am 3rd times the charm and I have nothing better to look for. This is it for me. And it's not scary, it's not stopping, it's only growing and getting better. The excitement of our situation makes me so hungry for more and more. Boredom comes and goes with the days that drag on. But it's mostly the days when there's nothing going on. Nothing at all to do, and it's tiring and wasteful.
Money, money stresses me out to no end. Because if we had it.. we'd be more organized, do more things. And this summer camping stuff would feel a lot better to me. I hate thinking about how we don't have a jeep, or a bigger car. I want a jeep to go camping in, or with. My own stuff, my own everything. Well Our own everything. I want to share my whole life with this incredible crazy girl that I actually have tried multiple times convincing myself that I wasn't in love with her. If only she could see what I could see, she'd understand how amazing her love feels when she actually lets me feel it. It's a beautiful storm of emotion that she tries so hard to hold in. What I would give to feel you feeling me this way, but I know you do.
How can someone hold love in? How can you run from it.. that's what I want to know. Who just decides up that's fucking nuts and runs away. I could love you from today till forever doesn't end. If I believe in anything for sure, it's that love lives on through anything ending or not. It never stops, it's runs through people like blood in their bodies. You can not deny a pulse that beats, why deny an emotion that's so narcotic, so overwhelming and consuming. It's so perfectly complicated and heart wrenching. Why not take part in something so moving, so uplifting. Love is the only thing in this world that can pick you up so high nothing can touch you, and throw you 50ft under ground burning in your own personal hell, hoping you can just pull the plug. And those who chose to not take part in it our crazy. It is the best feeling, especially when it feels like the worst. Love makes you do crazy things, insane things, things you never thought in a million years you'd ever do.. and there you are right there doing them. Love is when two people exist together in a blissful, fiery, horrible, lustful, emotional tug of systemic events that tangle together and create a world of car crashes.
Car crashes - that crazy mixed up feeling of flying and knowing you're going to crash and right before you hit everything slows down for a minute and before you know it.. it's over and you're so glad you're still breathing. And sometimes you aren't so lucky and you live those moments of regret right before you don't remember anything, and your world turns black, and it's over.