Pirates of the Caribean 4 : On Stranger Tides -- Reviewed!
Fennecritic Film Review Presents...
Pirates of the Caribbean 4
(aka: Pirates of the Caribbean on Stranger Tides)
So in traditional Jaspian fashion, I bought tickets for Pirates of the Caribbean 4: on Stranger Tides, for the IMAX3D theater as soon as they went on sale. This isn’t because of any particular affinity I have with the Pirates franchise. To the contrary, I’ve always considered Pirates of the Caribbean to be a sub-par IP... more of a “Look: Its Jonny Depp being cute and funny” and less of a real movie, let alone a franchise. For the most part, the pacing and cinematography are awful, often times with confusing camera angles and frequent plot changes ending characters up in places and situations where the audience is left wondering “Why did they go here again?” -- or rather, too woo’d by action fight scenes, witty punny dialog and “Hey look: Its Jonny Depp” to force that question out of their mind and just watch the movie like a brainless zombie.
Ultimately the plot is irrelevant because... its not a movie - its Jonny Depp. And you pay $10 to see Jonny Depp, not a movie, so plot is kinda optional, which explains how, when the “good guys” are facing an invincible enemy, they just *invent* the means to defeat him. Of course they have to go on another quest to retrieve some artifact or another like a Zelda game, but hey; its the Caribbean, and that’s how shit works ‘round those parts.
Its not that I have anything against pirates. To the contrary, I think pirates are great. I have lots of pictures of Jas in pirate attire. In the never-ending war between pirates and ninja, I side with the pirates, but I don’t think that Pirates of the Caribbean is a good reflection of pirates in general (for reasons stated above). But like most blockbuster movies, I am curious enough to give it a try when it comes through with the usually-vain hope that it will break the mold and be something good for once.
On Stranger Tides was not the mold-breaker, but it wasn’t as bad as I had expected. I didn’t enjoy the first pirates, but at least it mostly made sense. In the later two, it got more into magic and voodoo and then everything went out the window, but those had the redeeming grace of having a lot of impressive scenes. These two film features (sensibility versus impressiveness) seem mutually exclusive in the world of Pirates, almost like it follows Heisenberg’s Uncertainty Principle: the more sensical and coherent you make the story, the less impressive it will be (and vice versa). This installment was more sensical, like the first one, and less like the other two. I consider this to be a good thing, because I think the story is better than the first film, which (in my eyes) made it the best Pirates of the Caribbean so far. That isn’t saying much, mind you, since on a scale of 1 to 10, I’d consider all of the previous films around a 4. Actually, come to speak of it, I would also consider this one a 4, but a little higher 4... like a 4.2 or so.... :P
Anyway! The acting was decent, the story was... weak... but not as weak as previous installments. (It relied far less on magic.) More than anything - the pacing was good, and that really set it apart. Some of the scenes were also pretty weak... Jack fighting a whole company of Spaniards off with a rope... and winning... for example. Also the man-and-mermaid love story was ridiculous and typical Hollywood bullshit. Yes - a man and a creature who eats men to survive - that’s a super-healthy relationship... really gonna go places...
I suppose I really shouldn’t talk because I’m a fennec who likes cougaresses *and* rabbits, thus complicating things in both directions, but then again, my yiffing habits aren’t being sold to the world and in the light of public scrutiny. Anyway, I seem to be getting off-topic so I should probably reign it in and get to the point.
I give Pirates of the Caribbean 4, aka: On Stranger Tides, one-ear-perked with the recommendation to see it however you want to see it, if you want to see it. If you have no burning desire to see it, I don’t think you’ll be kicking yourself later for skipping this one. There are no really huge scenes that require the big screen - and I did see it in IMAX3D. The 3D is very sub-par, which is surprising because the credits include “Cameron-Pace Technologies” which I believe is the Avatar camera. However, I do not believe that this was the camera used in the film - or at least, it wasn’t the only camera, because some of the shots were clearly upscaled and looked like shit in 3D. So I’d recommend non-3D showings, if you have that option, rather than the 3D experience... that is, unless you mind flyover shots where mountains have no depth, trees look pasted-on, buidlings to not parallax correctly in the background, and people look like moving cardboard standups, where shadows don’t match the people who are casting them... etc etc. To be fair I was looking for it a little... but there were a few points where it was just obviously horrible upscaling.
Anyway - that’s my review of PotC4 - thanks for reading!