(no subject)
Making some things public just isn't right. Bitching and feeling sorry for myself over the internet are both stupid things to do, and I would like to think that I'm not that immature anymore.
But... some things just don't change.
I'll tell you what does change, though, and that's trust. Yet, even though I have every right to publicly humiliate these two people the same way they humiliated me, stabbing me in the back with the very generosity and acceptance I gave, after asking for a friend, after asking for someone to be there for me, after saying, hey man, I'm not down with what you're doing, and then getting a slap in the face, I'm not going to publicly embarrass them.
I know I'm being unclear, but this whole blog thing is pretty stupid. Nobody's reading it anyways, accept probably one of the two people I'm talking about, but I'm still saying it, because I need to fucking say something.
There is one thing I want to know, though... why? Why in the world do I deserve this? What did I do to these people that would make them make my life so hard? Why would they both look me in the eye and lie when I brought it up at first? Why did I have to ask that question and find out the truth?
I can honestly say that I don't understand other people. I don't really understand much. I've heard from at least three different people in the past few months that I'm naive, and I know it's true. I used to think I was pretty smart, but now I know that I'm not. The only thing I really know anymore is what it feels like to have my heart broken from two different angles at the same time.
I am completely miserable, but it's not really their fault; they were just acting on instinct. They were fucked up. The fact that one of them was my first friend, not including my brother, since Isaac and I stopped hanging out and Johnny and I stopped jamming doesn't matter. I can't really be angry with them... I love them both too much.
I don't know what to do...
But... some things just don't change.
I'll tell you what does change, though, and that's trust. Yet, even though I have every right to publicly humiliate these two people the same way they humiliated me, stabbing me in the back with the very generosity and acceptance I gave, after asking for a friend, after asking for someone to be there for me, after saying, hey man, I'm not down with what you're doing, and then getting a slap in the face, I'm not going to publicly embarrass them.
I know I'm being unclear, but this whole blog thing is pretty stupid. Nobody's reading it anyways, accept probably one of the two people I'm talking about, but I'm still saying it, because I need to fucking say something.
There is one thing I want to know, though... why? Why in the world do I deserve this? What did I do to these people that would make them make my life so hard? Why would they both look me in the eye and lie when I brought it up at first? Why did I have to ask that question and find out the truth?
I can honestly say that I don't understand other people. I don't really understand much. I've heard from at least three different people in the past few months that I'm naive, and I know it's true. I used to think I was pretty smart, but now I know that I'm not. The only thing I really know anymore is what it feels like to have my heart broken from two different angles at the same time.
I am completely miserable, but it's not really their fault; they were just acting on instinct. They were fucked up. The fact that one of them was my first friend, not including my brother, since Isaac and I stopped hanging out and Johnny and I stopped jamming doesn't matter. I can't really be angry with them... I love them both too much.
I don't know what to do...