(no subject)
I was on the fence when it came to this new Halloween remake, figuring it had a chance to bring the series back to life (after all, we’re talking about a series that recently had Michael Myers stalking Bustah Rhymes during a reality show webcast… doesn’t get much worse than that), but it could also continue the trend of awfulness. Either way, I went to check out the new movie with an open mind.
With that out of the way, allow me to share my thoughts on Rob Zombie’s “Halloween”. I’m sure a good bunch of you won’t like what I have to say, but I’m not here to kiss ass, I’m here to tell ya my honest thoughts about this flick. If you haven’t seen the movie yet, please know that there are some potential spoilers below.
Wow. Please tell me this was all an elaborate joke on horror fans. How the hell did this ever get greenlit? This wasn’t a reimagining of the original Halloween story, this was a raping of it. Rob Zombie has somehow managed to take one of the most infamously evil horror icons and turn him into a Kane-sized ogre who had a bad childhood. Now I had already mentioned that I had some serious doubts about trying to tell the backstory of Michael Myers because it simply wasn’t necessary. Michael’s backstory was perfect the way it was in the original when Dr. Loomis explained: “I met this six-year-old child, with this blank, pale, emotionless face and, the blackest eyes… the *devil’s* eyes! I spent eight years trying to reach him, and then another seven trying to keep him locked up because I realized what was living behind that boy’s eyes was purely and simply… evil!” Perfection. All we ever see of Michael Myers as a child in the original is through the eye holes in his mask as he kills his first victim. Then we get that perfectly eerie slow zooming out shot of him standing outside with the bloody knife and a blank stare.
In Rob Zombie’s version, we get far more information than that. Instead of Michael just being born of pure evil, Rob has completely fucked up the story by having Michael’s evil come as more of a reaction to the household he grew up in. An abusive stepfather who was always insulting him and fighting with his mom, who was of course, a stripper. You can just tell that Rob thought that by adding in a mean stepdad who threw around profanities like they were confetti from the hands of Rip Taylor, that he was making the movie far more shocking. Wrong. The only shocking thing about it was how bad the script was. So as a result of living in such a nerve-racking household, Michael spends his time killing small animals for a while to let out his rage. RAGE! Eventually, he’s ready to start killing real people… but instead of making it creepy, Rob just has this kid act out his methodical killings as brutally as he possibly can. Honestly, I thought Macaulay Culkin was more frightening in “The Good Son” than young Michael here… and that movie sucked. I’m a huge fan of blood and gore, as you all know, but that is not what the original Halloween was about nor is that what made it such a classic.
Oh and forget about that creepy zoom-out shot in Rob’s version… but hey, we do get to see Michael sulking on the sidewalk while the song “Love Hurts” plays. I shit you not. I’m sure he thought it would be really funny or creative scene, but this isn’t like that perfect moment in The Devil’s Rejects when they drive towards the cops, guns a’ blazin’ to the tune of “Freebird”. No not at all… this was just pure shit and felt way out of place.
Even worse than that, Rob decided that we all needed to know why Michael Myers wears that mask. Well not just that mask, but apparently a ton of masks. Throughout his childhood, Michael spends his time making a variety of masks to cover up his face. And his reason for doing this? “To hide my ugliness.” Well hellooooooooo Gothy McMyers. Nice to meet you. Here, have a box of tissues. Seriously though, why did he feel this was necessary!?
I also hated the new Michael Myers as an adult. Does he really need to be a 7 foot tall behemoth? No, of course not. Rob just doesn’t get that one of the coolest things about the old Michael Myers was that while he was of average height and didn’t have big muscles or anything, he was still able to overpower anybody because of some evil super-strength he had within. Rob’s Michael Myers appears to not have any internal evil powers, but instead relies on the same brute strength that any extremely tall big guy with a temper would have. Again, this really detracts from the infamous Michael Myers persona. It also doesn’t help that you can hear him grunting like a perverted old man sometimes when he’s manhandling his victims. Michael Myers is a silent evil… I didn’t need to hear him talking as a kid and I didn’t need to hear his man-grunts.
I also didn’t like some of the choices Rob made for who would be playing certain characters. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve always liked Malcolm McDowell and think he’s a badass, but he just didn’t do much for the role of Dr. Samuel Loomis that the late Donald Pleasance acted out so perfectly. Pleasance was greatly responsible for making Michael seem all the more evil… you could just tell how weary he was from all the years of trying to get through to him and how responsible he felt for Michael. In Rob’s version, McDowell just seems more surprised and panicky throughout the film with far less emotion invested in his ex-patient. Then again, when you consider the script he had to work with, that probably explains a lot. The other person I didn’t need to see again was Sheri Moon. Look Rob, I know she’s your wife ‘n all, but you don’t need to put her in every single thing you do. But if you must, at the very least, don’t give her such prominent roles like the mother of Michael Myers. It’s not going to help her career when most people think the only reason she has one is because she’s married to you. Oh, and you also don’t have to have her shaking her ass on the goddamned screen in every movie either. Lemme tell ya, that ass-shakin’ really helped me understand the rage within young Michael Myers.
Now I’m sure a lot of you are thinking, “Oh he just grew up on those movies, so that’s why he hates this one so much.” No, that’s really not the case here at all. There have been quite a few remakes that I thought were handled really well - “Dawn of the Dead” for example. As much as I wanted to enjoy it, this new Halloween movie just didn’t have anything going for it. If you’re looking for the real “Halloween” experience, then stick with the original. If you’re looking to substitute the ominous Michael Myers persona with far more noise and T&A, then go with Rob Zombie’s version.
There were only two good points I could come up with regarding this movie:
1) Micky Dolenz’ (from The Monkees) brief cameo as a gun salesman. I really wanted to see this scene go on longer, and I suspect there is more footage out there that will be saved for the DVD release (including the alternate ending), but I’ll be damned if I’m gonna buy it because nothing can save this flick.
2) Michael Myers’ mask looks much better than it has in quite a while. I’m sure Captain Kirk would approve.
As nice of a guy as he seems to be and as big of a horror fan as he is, Rob Zombie has completely failed to “get” what made Halloween so great. It was the enigma that was Michael Myers. Very little about him was explained, he simply was evil through and through. This made his undying rage seem all the more potent and real. Zombie screwed it up by giving too many reasons for his anger… a troubled childhood and an emo outlook on his life.
One critic wrote the following about Rob Zombie’s new “Halloween” movie and I think he summed it up best: “John Carpenter can rest easy; any self-respecting horror fan will forget this film even exists by the time the real Halloween rolls around this year.”
So for those of you who have seen it already, what’d you think?
With that out of the way, allow me to share my thoughts on Rob Zombie’s “Halloween”. I’m sure a good bunch of you won’t like what I have to say, but I’m not here to kiss ass, I’m here to tell ya my honest thoughts about this flick. If you haven’t seen the movie yet, please know that there are some potential spoilers below.
Wow. Please tell me this was all an elaborate joke on horror fans. How the hell did this ever get greenlit? This wasn’t a reimagining of the original Halloween story, this was a raping of it. Rob Zombie has somehow managed to take one of the most infamously evil horror icons and turn him into a Kane-sized ogre who had a bad childhood. Now I had already mentioned that I had some serious doubts about trying to tell the backstory of Michael Myers because it simply wasn’t necessary. Michael’s backstory was perfect the way it was in the original when Dr. Loomis explained: “I met this six-year-old child, with this blank, pale, emotionless face and, the blackest eyes… the *devil’s* eyes! I spent eight years trying to reach him, and then another seven trying to keep him locked up because I realized what was living behind that boy’s eyes was purely and simply… evil!” Perfection. All we ever see of Michael Myers as a child in the original is through the eye holes in his mask as he kills his first victim. Then we get that perfectly eerie slow zooming out shot of him standing outside with the bloody knife and a blank stare.
In Rob Zombie’s version, we get far more information than that. Instead of Michael just being born of pure evil, Rob has completely fucked up the story by having Michael’s evil come as more of a reaction to the household he grew up in. An abusive stepfather who was always insulting him and fighting with his mom, who was of course, a stripper. You can just tell that Rob thought that by adding in a mean stepdad who threw around profanities like they were confetti from the hands of Rip Taylor, that he was making the movie far more shocking. Wrong. The only shocking thing about it was how bad the script was. So as a result of living in such a nerve-racking household, Michael spends his time killing small animals for a while to let out his rage. RAGE! Eventually, he’s ready to start killing real people… but instead of making it creepy, Rob just has this kid act out his methodical killings as brutally as he possibly can. Honestly, I thought Macaulay Culkin was more frightening in “The Good Son” than young Michael here… and that movie sucked. I’m a huge fan of blood and gore, as you all know, but that is not what the original Halloween was about nor is that what made it such a classic.
Oh and forget about that creepy zoom-out shot in Rob’s version… but hey, we do get to see Michael sulking on the sidewalk while the song “Love Hurts” plays. I shit you not. I’m sure he thought it would be really funny or creative scene, but this isn’t like that perfect moment in The Devil’s Rejects when they drive towards the cops, guns a’ blazin’ to the tune of “Freebird”. No not at all… this was just pure shit and felt way out of place.
Even worse than that, Rob decided that we all needed to know why Michael Myers wears that mask. Well not just that mask, but apparently a ton of masks. Throughout his childhood, Michael spends his time making a variety of masks to cover up his face. And his reason for doing this? “To hide my ugliness.” Well hellooooooooo Gothy McMyers. Nice to meet you. Here, have a box of tissues. Seriously though, why did he feel this was necessary!?
I also hated the new Michael Myers as an adult. Does he really need to be a 7 foot tall behemoth? No, of course not. Rob just doesn’t get that one of the coolest things about the old Michael Myers was that while he was of average height and didn’t have big muscles or anything, he was still able to overpower anybody because of some evil super-strength he had within. Rob’s Michael Myers appears to not have any internal evil powers, but instead relies on the same brute strength that any extremely tall big guy with a temper would have. Again, this really detracts from the infamous Michael Myers persona. It also doesn’t help that you can hear him grunting like a perverted old man sometimes when he’s manhandling his victims. Michael Myers is a silent evil… I didn’t need to hear him talking as a kid and I didn’t need to hear his man-grunts.
I also didn’t like some of the choices Rob made for who would be playing certain characters. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve always liked Malcolm McDowell and think he’s a badass, but he just didn’t do much for the role of Dr. Samuel Loomis that the late Donald Pleasance acted out so perfectly. Pleasance was greatly responsible for making Michael seem all the more evil… you could just tell how weary he was from all the years of trying to get through to him and how responsible he felt for Michael. In Rob’s version, McDowell just seems more surprised and panicky throughout the film with far less emotion invested in his ex-patient. Then again, when you consider the script he had to work with, that probably explains a lot. The other person I didn’t need to see again was Sheri Moon. Look Rob, I know she’s your wife ‘n all, but you don’t need to put her in every single thing you do. But if you must, at the very least, don’t give her such prominent roles like the mother of Michael Myers. It’s not going to help her career when most people think the only reason she has one is because she’s married to you. Oh, and you also don’t have to have her shaking her ass on the goddamned screen in every movie either. Lemme tell ya, that ass-shakin’ really helped me understand the rage within young Michael Myers.
Now I’m sure a lot of you are thinking, “Oh he just grew up on those movies, so that’s why he hates this one so much.” No, that’s really not the case here at all. There have been quite a few remakes that I thought were handled really well - “Dawn of the Dead” for example. As much as I wanted to enjoy it, this new Halloween movie just didn’t have anything going for it. If you’re looking for the real “Halloween” experience, then stick with the original. If you’re looking to substitute the ominous Michael Myers persona with far more noise and T&A, then go with Rob Zombie’s version.
There were only two good points I could come up with regarding this movie:
1) Micky Dolenz’ (from The Monkees) brief cameo as a gun salesman. I really wanted to see this scene go on longer, and I suspect there is more footage out there that will be saved for the DVD release (including the alternate ending), but I’ll be damned if I’m gonna buy it because nothing can save this flick.
2) Michael Myers’ mask looks much better than it has in quite a while. I’m sure Captain Kirk would approve.
As nice of a guy as he seems to be and as big of a horror fan as he is, Rob Zombie has completely failed to “get” what made Halloween so great. It was the enigma that was Michael Myers. Very little about him was explained, he simply was evil through and through. This made his undying rage seem all the more potent and real. Zombie screwed it up by giving too many reasons for his anger… a troubled childhood and an emo outlook on his life.
One critic wrote the following about Rob Zombie’s new “Halloween” movie and I think he summed it up best: “John Carpenter can rest easy; any self-respecting horror fan will forget this film even exists by the time the real Halloween rolls around this year.”
So for those of you who have seen it already, what’d you think?