Because I couldn't resist...
Let's see now... Alright, a 'Sert is pretty boss. A lot of mall employees are teenagers, so that seems pretty right-on. Plus, my battle cry is friggin' ace. "Allow me to molest your face with this rod!" It's so authoritative, and yet it's kind of polite. It's almost a request. "Won't you allow me to molest your face with this rod?" I could see a bunch British guys, sitting in their tailcoats and powdered wigs, just smacking each other in the face with metal rods:
Brit 1: Won't you allow me to molest your face with this rod?
Brit 2: Right-O.