Fragile
I realize it's been over half a year since I wrote in this thing. I only write in this fucking thing when I have no one else to turn to. So I guess that means that the past 6 months up until now have been good? Or maybe I just don't want to annoy my friends with my stupid babble. Whatever.
It's been a while since I've drowned myself in alcohol.. I'm thinking about a year now? Whatever, that doesn't matter. There's just something soothing about drinking loads of it until you start feeling disconnected from everything. Objects begin to feel so distant from you. All those menial things you cared about suddenly don't matter anymore. All that you care about is how miserable you are. And as you gaze down at your hands you realize they don't feel attached to you. That numb, disconnected feeling can feel wonderful in your worst moments.
Something broke in me at the beginning of this month. Before that, the prior 6 months, I was feeling so bitter. So arrogant. And acting generally like an asshole. I held so much contempt for people. I only realize now how horrible I've been acting and I've been trying to change into a more caring and less selfish person.
However, I've come to realize.. That when I do that I become clingy and annoying. Then I begin to wonder... How come I'm the only that messages people? How come they don't message me first? Am I annoying? Boring? A bad friend? All these terrible questions come to my mind from both action and inaction from my friends. What the hell is wrong with me? Can't I just be less worrisome?
There's other things that are bothering me but the alcohol has worn off by now.. And I wouldn't be able to talk about them anyway. Some things are just better left unsaid. For now, I'll go ahead and keep misery company. Toodles.
It's been a while since I've drowned myself in alcohol.. I'm thinking about a year now? Whatever, that doesn't matter. There's just something soothing about drinking loads of it until you start feeling disconnected from everything. Objects begin to feel so distant from you. All those menial things you cared about suddenly don't matter anymore. All that you care about is how miserable you are. And as you gaze down at your hands you realize they don't feel attached to you. That numb, disconnected feeling can feel wonderful in your worst moments.
Something broke in me at the beginning of this month. Before that, the prior 6 months, I was feeling so bitter. So arrogant. And acting generally like an asshole. I held so much contempt for people. I only realize now how horrible I've been acting and I've been trying to change into a more caring and less selfish person.
However, I've come to realize.. That when I do that I become clingy and annoying. Then I begin to wonder... How come I'm the only that messages people? How come they don't message me first? Am I annoying? Boring? A bad friend? All these terrible questions come to my mind from both action and inaction from my friends. What the hell is wrong with me? Can't I just be less worrisome?
There's other things that are bothering me but the alcohol has worn off by now.. And I wouldn't be able to talk about them anyway. Some things are just better left unsaid. For now, I'll go ahead and keep misery company. Toodles.