Reflections...
It suddens me that I'm drifting farther and farther away from the "me" that I had wanted to be. I had thought that I was better and above all this superficial crap too, but I suppose it's hard to escape something when it's everywhere, on every front, from everyone.
Ever hear the story of a solid rock being eroded by a single drop of water? It goes like this: a piece of rock sits under a leaking pipe, and everyday, the pipe leaks a couple drops of water onto the rock. First the rock thought that the water was only a drop and would never do it any damage, but slowly, as time passed, the water eroded the rock. Eventually, there was nothing left of the rock except a few crumpled stones, which resembled nothing of the solid rock it began as. I believe that's what happened to my confidence.
Since 13, people have been commenting on my body image and how I look and at first, I never let it bother me, but slowly, over time, they got to me. Now I share the same twisted and warped reality that a woman my age should weigh only 90 pounds and fit into a size 0 or under. And as I realize more and more, every day, just how far I am from that standard, my self esteem and my self worth sinks lower and lower.
And I know this may seem pathetic to those of you who are beautiful and smart and confident in yourselves, but it is how I feel right now. In fact, I have great amounts of resentment for those who are so damn confident and don't suffer from this constant pain of having something you're so disappointed in forever embedded in yourself. It's only my envy talking I guess...
__________
I wish I could learn to be vulnerable and honest again...
Ever hear the story of a solid rock being eroded by a single drop of water? It goes like this: a piece of rock sits under a leaking pipe, and everyday, the pipe leaks a couple drops of water onto the rock. First the rock thought that the water was only a drop and would never do it any damage, but slowly, as time passed, the water eroded the rock. Eventually, there was nothing left of the rock except a few crumpled stones, which resembled nothing of the solid rock it began as. I believe that's what happened to my confidence.
Since 13, people have been commenting on my body image and how I look and at first, I never let it bother me, but slowly, over time, they got to me. Now I share the same twisted and warped reality that a woman my age should weigh only 90 pounds and fit into a size 0 or under. And as I realize more and more, every day, just how far I am from that standard, my self esteem and my self worth sinks lower and lower.
And I know this may seem pathetic to those of you who are beautiful and smart and confident in yourselves, but it is how I feel right now. In fact, I have great amounts of resentment for those who are so damn confident and don't suffer from this constant pain of having something you're so disappointed in forever embedded in yourself. It's only my envy talking I guess...
__________
I wish I could learn to be vulnerable and honest again...