pain and more pain
i am so very upset yesterday i got the news that my dad might of killed himself he left a note and a message with his wife and nobody has heard form him are can find hime and that was ten days ago
i just have one question :havent ive gone through enough in this life?
it seems that my life has benn nothing but walking in the footsteps of pain for so long probably ever since i was born i have been through such hardships and things that most poeple never have to experince in thier life and yet it has to continue i cant even love a person because i cant cope so many if my friends tell my that im just a baby that is grown up in side i am only 17 and i have had to deal with so much shit and than another one if my friends said that allah just wants to keep me all to himself and that he is just jelous well that is new to me and i like that saying people dont think that i can fell what he can but i can i know what its like to be dark and depresing and to fell like your worth less than garbage i know that it hurts too its because i feel it evryday of my life that is why i have turned to religion i hope that it can set me free and i do not need to turn bi or gay to feel love i know that it is waiting out there for me i may have giving up but i am still wanting it and another thing people see me as being so stong but a m i really that stong i am just one person rolled into many diffrent identies and i hide form each and everyone of them i am scared of so much and if i even show and ounce of hurt people are telling me to cheer uo or to get over it how bout no for once i need to feel too and i know that i have such strong faith i dont even know why i do but it doent mean that i am not allowed to feel that is just shady of people this is all i have to say fornow
peace and blessings
- amanda -
i just have one question :havent ive gone through enough in this life?
it seems that my life has benn nothing but walking in the footsteps of pain for so long probably ever since i was born i have been through such hardships and things that most poeple never have to experince in thier life and yet it has to continue i cant even love a person because i cant cope so many if my friends tell my that im just a baby that is grown up in side i am only 17 and i have had to deal with so much shit and than another one if my friends said that allah just wants to keep me all to himself and that he is just jelous well that is new to me and i like that saying people dont think that i can fell what he can but i can i know what its like to be dark and depresing and to fell like your worth less than garbage i know that it hurts too its because i feel it evryday of my life that is why i have turned to religion i hope that it can set me free and i do not need to turn bi or gay to feel love i know that it is waiting out there for me i may have giving up but i am still wanting it and another thing people see me as being so stong but a m i really that stong i am just one person rolled into many diffrent identies and i hide form each and everyone of them i am scared of so much and if i even show and ounce of hurt people are telling me to cheer uo or to get over it how bout no for once i need to feel too and i know that i have such strong faith i dont even know why i do but it doent mean that i am not allowed to feel that is just shady of people this is all i have to say fornow
peace and blessings
- amanda -