reflections on the year....
What a messed up ending to a pretty good year... Thats pretty shitty, I think... I've always found that it was better to have something start bad, and end good than vice-versa.. What a let down the past little while has been.. I'm very excited about moving, but I really just want to get it over and done with.. I want to feel settled... It feels as if everything is wrong at the moment, and when I feel like this, I only add to the anxiety by thinking it's just because of my genes like Kathy said.. But you should have a much better shot at beating something when you know it's comingshouldn't you? But is it even coming, or as my mom thinks, has it already passed? I mean, think about it... Almost anything bad that can happen to a girl, I've been through.. It almost sounds cliche, but its the honests truth, and I almost didn't make it though some of it.. do people who don't have this studid "crazy gene" ever go that far when things get rough? Do things actually get so bad for them that they actually go as far as attempting suicide? But anyways, all of this is for another time...
Back to the recap of the last little bit...
My grandmother passed away last month and it was a very difficult time to go through. Not only was she my last biological grandparent, but she was the only one I ever knew... Both my mom's parents passed away while she was younger and my dad's father had left, or been kicked out, when my dad was young. I missed out on a few years with my grandmother, and I will always feel a little guilty about that. I lvoed her so much, and I knew she loved me, but it was too much effort for me to keep the ties from ontario, I had to much other shit going on, and I didn't even talk to my dad for a while.. I regret not getting to know her as well as I could have. I think when I was younger, I didn't appreciate her as much as I should have, not because I didn't want to, but because I couldn't- I do have the most wonderful memories of her.. she has never been mean to me a day in my life, and she brought me and jimmy back together- he's my uncle who will be released int he next few months... he and I used to play allt he time together beacause we were the inky kids in the family, he being only 2 years lder than me. he's a great guy who I care very much about and I look forward to being able to go and chill with him.. I've gone and seen him a few times in the last year or two and we get along great, and I'm going to help him in any way that I can. But he took the passing of his mom, my grandmother, this past month pretty hard.. we all did..
Then there's my mom's side of the family that caused quite a ruckus over the last little while, but really over christmas , and on and off over the last few years... She has something wrong mentally and just a lot aof shit has gone down lately because of her, so it's been really stressful to deal with...
There's me and Vito... sigh... where do I start... that's enough for a book on its own...I'll get to that another time..
There's the stress of moving and getting all my stuff together, moving in with my boyfriend's siter, who I get along fine with, leaving my parents right now when thigns are all in an uproar with my aunt.. The guy helping rita to move smashed my left taillight on my car and scraped the side with his truck by accident, I feel sick all the time again,I don't know, I just want this year to end, so maybe the new one will start off ok.. the new year is supposed to signify new beginings right? Anyways, at the moment I think i hate my boyfriend, and i have to go deal with that, so here's to the new year....
Back to the recap of the last little bit...
My grandmother passed away last month and it was a very difficult time to go through. Not only was she my last biological grandparent, but she was the only one I ever knew... Both my mom's parents passed away while she was younger and my dad's father had left, or been kicked out, when my dad was young. I missed out on a few years with my grandmother, and I will always feel a little guilty about that. I lvoed her so much, and I knew she loved me, but it was too much effort for me to keep the ties from ontario, I had to much other shit going on, and I didn't even talk to my dad for a while.. I regret not getting to know her as well as I could have. I think when I was younger, I didn't appreciate her as much as I should have, not because I didn't want to, but because I couldn't- I do have the most wonderful memories of her.. she has never been mean to me a day in my life, and she brought me and jimmy back together- he's my uncle who will be released int he next few months... he and I used to play allt he time together beacause we were the inky kids in the family, he being only 2 years lder than me. he's a great guy who I care very much about and I look forward to being able to go and chill with him.. I've gone and seen him a few times in the last year or two and we get along great, and I'm going to help him in any way that I can. But he took the passing of his mom, my grandmother, this past month pretty hard.. we all did..
Then there's my mom's side of the family that caused quite a ruckus over the last little while, but really over christmas , and on and off over the last few years... She has something wrong mentally and just a lot aof shit has gone down lately because of her, so it's been really stressful to deal with...
There's me and Vito... sigh... where do I start... that's enough for a book on its own...I'll get to that another time..
There's the stress of moving and getting all my stuff together, moving in with my boyfriend's siter, who I get along fine with, leaving my parents right now when thigns are all in an uproar with my aunt.. The guy helping rita to move smashed my left taillight on my car and scraped the side with his truck by accident, I feel sick all the time again,I don't know, I just want this year to end, so maybe the new one will start off ok.. the new year is supposed to signify new beginings right? Anyways, at the moment I think i hate my boyfriend, and i have to go deal with that, so here's to the new year....